tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84662894129249467202024-03-13T10:14:21.138-07:00a mental mum's little worldThoughts and experiences of a mum of 2. (who is also a complete fruit-loop!)cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.comBlogger151125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-45282381518424943602017-12-16T12:45:00.003-08:002017-12-16T12:45:41.663-08:00D is for DepressionSo, things have not been going great at the moment.<br />
Little man has been struggling with anger, low self esteem and even suicidal thoughts! Thankfully with the help of our doc, the school welfare officer, young carers and family resources (who have changed their name to something I don't remember!) he is getting the help he needs!<br />
<br />
We have all been working really hard at home too to try and help him focus his anger in a more constructive way, rather than the throwing and trashing his room, like he had been doing.<br />
It breaks my heart to think that my not even 8 year old has obviously inherited my depressive traits 😢<br />
<br />
He has already had so much go on in his little life - parents separating and then divorcing; being bullied this whole year; his daddy's fast approaching wedding. Plus having absolutely no self-esteem or self-worth; he believes that he is useless and stupid! I can totally see why he feels the way he does!<br />
<br />
All of this has also impacted on my own depression.<br />
I feel dreadful for being such a useless mum all of the time. I feel guilty of the added pressure my failings incur on my family - especially my mum, who takes on all of the jobs I should be doing.<br />
'<i>Should be doing</i>' such a small phrase that has such an impact on my life. I just can't stop beating myself up about all of the things I <i>should</i> be doing all of the time. I <i>should</i> be doing ALL of the school runs, not just the ones in the afternoon because I'm unable to get up early enough due to terrible insomnia. I <i>should</i> be doing the washing, sorting the dishwasher and cleaning the house - not leaving it to my mum do, or it being completed spiradically when I finally have the energy and motivation to do it. That's the other problem I have, no energy.<br />
<br />
I don't think people have any idea of some of the worst issues depression causes. It is beyond crap!<br />
I spend days just sitting in my jammies hearing the telly but not really taking anything in. Having absolutely no energy because I wake up just as tired as when I finally managed to fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning. Having the belief that I am useless and a failure, so no motivation or drive to achieve anything anymore. A mind that just feels empty. Trying to keep up with my kids when I just can't concentrate on anything. I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy.<br />
<br />
I am struggling at the moment. I am teary all the time - tears keep leaking down my cheeks, for no reason at all. I am supremely sensitive and seem to be taking seemingly innocent comments as personal attacks. I don't see any point or purpose in my existance anymore. Oh and if that wasn't bad enough, I have now taken to comfort eating, so you can add weight gain and feeling like a disgusting blob to my lovely list.<br />
<br />
I can see why Little Man is struggling too. I remember when I was 5 I went almost anorexic because my childminder made an off-hand comment that if I kept eating like I did, I would end up like my mum. She was quite a big lady back then. So I just stopped eating. Took quite a while for me to understand that eating normally - like we always did, would not make me fat. One little comment and my whole world turned upside down. I worry that maybe Little Man has picked up some comment from someone (maybe even me) said in haste.cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-45265615674740973142017-12-16T12:45:00.002-08:002017-12-16T12:45:21.550-08:00The End of this Chapter!I can't believe I would ever be saying this, but the time has come for me to make a fresh start with a whole new blog!<br />
<br />
I have decided to keep this blog, as it has helped me through the ups and downs of 6 years of my life! (can't believe it has been that long!)<br />
<br />
It holds the lovely memories that I have shared each time my kids have a birthday - <br />
- my favourite photos from the year,<br />
- their favourite toys / food / colour, at the time of each post,<br />
- what milestones they have achieved in that year - mostly what words (or their cute versions of words!) they have learned to say now! Happy times, that I will cherish forever!<br />
<br />
It has been a place for me to get out how I feel. Most significantly, it has allowed me to share a side of me that I usually hide from everyone! I don't like to be a burden, and having somewhere 'safe' like this has really helped me in so many ways :-)<br />
<br />
So, if you've been with me in this chapter of my life, then a huge thank you to you!<br />
If you want to join me in my next chapter, then find me over here <a href="https://cloudydaysandmoonbeams.blogspot.co.uk/">Cloudy Days and Moonbeams</a><br />
<br />
big hugs<br />
<br />
Melissa xxxcloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-35090485099986494052017-07-01T15:54:00.002-07:002017-07-01T15:54:56.548-07:00O is for Organising chaos!So, in a bid to try and organise the chaos that is my life, I did some research and happened upon something that completely changed my life!<br />
<br />
I am one of those people that love making lists - I mean LOVE making lists. Mostly it's for things like shopping, Day Zero Projects, or important things I need to try and remember. I tend to write them down in one of my many note books and then the problems begin! For example, when I desperately need one of my lists, but can't remember which notebook I put it in, or more annoyingly I can't actually remember where I put the notebook I needed last! (honestly, having a memory as bad as mine really does have its drawbacks!)<br />
<br />
My life is currently organised by Google calendar. I find it really useful as I can share key dates with my mum and vice versa - that way we always know who is where and when :-) I also keep a paper copy of 'this week we are...' (thanks to Picklebums) that I blue-tack to the living room door, so that in theory we can all see what is happening - it's also useful to share the weeks events with my dad, as he's not on Google calendar!<br />
<br />
I am not however, very good at keeping journals - I tend to run out of steam and lose interest (or forget where I put my diary and can't be bothered to search for it! heehee) I have written little entries sporadically on the laptop, but it's not really something that is practical for everyday things, as some days I don't actually bother switching my laptop on! <br />
Now, one of my latest habits has been watching YouTube videos in the wee hours of the morning, when I can't sleep and it was here I stumbled upon the idea of BULLET JOURNALS!<br />
<br />
If you have not heard of Bullet Journals before check out <a href="http://bulletjournal.com/">this site</a> - it has the creator explaining the idea in more detail. To put it simply, a bullet journal is a place to keep your lists, diary and journal all in one place :-) and I LOVE mine!!<br />
<br />
If you look out there, there are heaps of blogs (like <a href="https://www.tinyrayofsunshine.com/">TinyRayofSunshine</a> and YouTube videos (I particularly like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPTjjS_Cqrde9bR9Gz4PqdA">Boho Berry</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMxlEFNSe9bxDUhGVKEFFnw">Oganized Chaos</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbG7UPlZ0H7BVNjgGEGGXaw">Alexandra Plans</a> that explain the ins and outs of bullet journals far better than I ever could, so I won't go into those details here.<br />
However, I would like to share the aspects that I love the most!<br />
<br />
Daily Entries<br />
Here I jot down the key events happening. Even though I have Google calendar, I actually find writing things down cements things more clearly and I'm far more likely to remember them!<br />
If I feel like it, I add my thoughts of the day. That way I can clear my head, or jot down important things like detailed feelings or how the kids are behaving, etc etc.<br />
What I love is that you don't have to write a daily entry religiously, every single day if you don't want to. I have days that I have lumped together because I was too poorly to write. You do what works for you :-)<br />
<br />
Habit and Mood and Energy trackers<br />
I set up whats called a 'spread' for one month and list all of the activities / habits that I want to keep an eye on, but don't want to write everyday again and again in my daily entries. I have things like 'go to bed before 12' and 'read a book before bedtime' so that if I manage it, I can just colour in a box for that date. I also have a list of household chores I want to get done.<br />
What is especially useful for me is to track my mood and energy levels from day to day. I can then look over the whole month and see how I felt, how much energy I had, and when. Having all charts across a double page allows me to see what habits I manage in correlation to how I feel. I can track how my energy levels fluctuate and in turn impact on what I manage to get done.<br />
With my severe depression, having these charts each month, gives me concrete evidence of how my mood is effecting my life. I can see when I struggle the most (at the moment it's the days just prior to my periods) I've been doing my bullet journal for just over 2 months and the difference in my activity levels and mood in just 8 weeks is amazing!! Plus this gives me a good reference if and when I see my doc or anyone else to discuss my moods and difficulties I'm experiencing.<br />
<br />
Collections<br />
Here's where I put in all of my lovely lists! I have things like my 'read 100 books' day zero challenge, a big lists of cleaning and tidying I needed to do before a party and my wish list of things I want to save up for and buy.<br />
The magic of this is that you can put in whatever you want! If you have goals you want to achieve or the items you don't want to forget to pack on your next holiday, just pop them down in your bullet journal. What is really brilliant, is that you can just slot these in wherever you feel like. Unlike a traditional diary, the bullet journal grows day by day, so if you fancy sticking in a list, then you can go right ahead, then carry on your daily entries on the very next page.<br />
<br />
Index<br />
A bullet Journal can be written in any old notebook really, but a must have is an index at the front. Now, as I'm quite a lazy person, the idea of sitting down and writing the numbers on every page of a notebook really doesn't appeal to me! Lucky for me, there are some books like the Leuchtturm 1917 (which I treated myself to with my birthday money) that come with ready numbered pages and a handy index already done for you :-) there are of course other notebooks which are suited to bullet journaling such as Moleskin and even an official '<a href="https://store.bulletjournal.com/">bullet journal notebook</a>' which has added extras like tips to help you get started etc etc. It really does depend on you individually as to which you choose. I love my Leuchtturm 1917, as it has dotted pages which make it easy for you to do things like draw in charts, but are also faint enough not to distract me if I fancy putting in a little sketch or something, I guess it gives you enough structure without it being too imposing like lines or squares would be.<br />
Anyway, getting sidetracked ;-) having an Index is really useful so you can find your trackers and collections easily. You don't have to index everything, just whatever you feel like. I usually just include each month and the pages it covers (so that I don't have to index every daily entry), my end of month memory pages, then trackers and collections. Works for me :-)<br />
<br />
Flexibility<br />
My most favourite aspect of bullet journaling is the flexibility it allows. Don't like daily entries? Then use a weekly spread instead. Or you could go all out and have your 'month at a glance' - to list the key events happening that month, a 'weekly spread' - a more detailed look at what's happening that week and your 'daily entries' if that's what floats your boat!<br />
If you like having a space for listing tasks you don't want to forget, you could place them on your weekly spreads or next to your months at a glance (which is what I like to do)<br />
What works for you one month, you might not fancy doing again, so you can just change it with ease! You can experiment with different layouts for spreads until you find one you like, or keep changing it up to add variety to your journal.<br />
If you're the arty type, then here's a great place to show of your creative side - how about fancy illustrations, doodle challenges or pretty lettering for your dailies?<br />
The bullet journal can be as simple or as complex as you want. It can evolve and grow to suite your current needs. You can add, leave out or tweak things as you see fit.<br />
<br />
Now there are loads of amazing people out there, as I mentioned before, who have great ideas for you to try out, so be adventurous and have a go!<br />
At the end of the day the best, best bit is that this is your journal! Therefore you can't do it 'wrong'! It's your personality, your memories, your choices all bound together in one special place :-)<br />
<br />
P.S. I would just like to say a massive thank you to YouTube videos, Pinterest and the host of Bullet Journal blogs that I've found out there, without which I'd have never found this amazing new way of organising the chaos that is my life :-)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-56372561564237305362017-07-01T11:35:00.001-07:002017-07-01T12:15:13.230-07:00V is for Very bad me!Well, here we are again - poor little neglected blog and me! Feel very bad for not visiting in such a long time again!<br />
<br />
Life has certainly moved on a lot since my last visit!<br />
Little Miss is now 4 and has a place all lined up for her starting 'big school' in September!<br />
Little Man is about to turn 8 in just a few weeks time - how that is even possible I don't know!! heehee!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9FOxAz8C8d4/WVfoIZAd_iI/AAAAAAAABV0/zWhQTZMRXrcnjm50uy0DJPVc0ELfndIHgCLcBGAs/s1600/20170608_175425.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9FOxAz8C8d4/WVfoIZAd_iI/AAAAAAAABV0/zWhQTZMRXrcnjm50uy0DJPVc0ELfndIHgCLcBGAs/s320/20170608_175425.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;">One of my favourite piccies, taken recently ;-)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Life for me personally has been like riding a giant roller coaster - more downs than ups at the moment though, unfortunately. My plans for starting my own crafty business has come on a little, but not as far as I had hoped. I have a domain name and company logo all sorted out :-) I have started some courses to help improve my skills and confidence and hope to be up a running some time next year, instead of my original plan of September this year.<br />
<br />
I seem to be immensely good at getting ill again, with bug after bug dragging me down and leaving me completely exhausted all the time :-/<br />
<br />
One good thing to note is that I have managed to get accepted to a new voluntary position, helping at the local library. I went on the training session and am really looking forward to starting next week. I always had librarian on my list of possible careers after I had to leave teaching, and even though I'm not getting paid, I will be helping to ensure that our library doesn't join some of those in my county that are being closed due to lack of funds from the local authorities. It also gives me a great excuse to get back to borrowing books, instead of buying them all the time - even if they are mostly from charity shops. I also want to start taking the kids on a regular basis - I used to love visiting the library when I was younger and I want my kids to experience some of that joy too!<br />
<br />
What else has been happening? Not a lot to be honest! I seem to be drifting a little at the moment, probably because of all the illnesses I keep getting ;-)<br />
I want to get life back on track again and now seems as good a time as any :-)<br />
<br />
Well until next time - hopefully not in another 6 months!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-60116865725374435322016-10-22T09:19:00.002-07:002017-07-01T11:16:52.360-07:0050 Questions that will free your mindWhy hello poor neglected Blog! I have been away for far too long and sooo much has happened - but that's another post!<br />
So, I have just finished my Day Zero Project (I completed 56/101 goals, which I didn't think was too bad!) I decided to make another one and put on the goals I didn't manage to achieve, plus some new ones. Whilst searching for inspiration, I came across this goal and decided that it looked good, so I am going to have a go at answering them all!<br />
For a link to the original article written by Marc Chernoff click <a href="http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/07/13/50-questions-that-will-free-your-mind/">here</a><br />
<br />
Off we go then!<br />
50 Questions that will free your mind:<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="background-color: red; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">1.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>How old would you be if you didn’t
know how old you are?</b></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; text-indent: -18pt;">I think probably around 65 - I have always felt older than I am, like I have an old soul! Plus my body is falling apart!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">2.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Which is worse, failing or never
trying?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Never trying! You will never know what you can achieve unless you try. If you fail, you can always try again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">3.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> <b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>If life is so short, why do we do so
many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I think we get complacent about things. We think that we have all the time in the world, so will get around to those things we really want to do 'someday'. Also fear of the unknown or taking risks. People keep doing the same things over and over, even if they don't like doing them because they are known and therefore safe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">4.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>When it’s all said and done, will you
have said more than you’ve done?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Probably! I'm brilliant at making lists and setting personal goals, but actually doing these things is a lot more of a challenge for me, heehee!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">5.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>What is the one thing you’d most like
to change about the world?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Wow, such a tough choice as there are so many things I would like to see changed! I think if we were all a lot more tolerant of each other - of our differences in beliefs, religions etc then there would be a lot less conflict in the world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">6.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">If h</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">appiness was the national
currency, what kind of work would</span></b></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: red;"><b> <span style="color: #0099cc;">make you rich</span>?</b></span><span style="color: #333333;"> Crafting, especially making jewellery - my new passion!<span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">7</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Are you doing what you believe in, or
are you settling for what you are doing?</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I settled for too many years in the past, so I am definitely doing what I believe in now :-)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">8.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> <b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>If the average human life span was 40
years, how would you live your life differently?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I would live each day as if it were my last! Take more risks, do more things I want to do, complete my 'bucket list' etc. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">9.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>To what degree have you actually
controlled the course your life has taken?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Hardly at all! My life has unfortunately been completely led by my depression - it caused me to leave my dream job of teaching, it was the final nail in the coffin of my marriage, it has caused major disruption to my day-to-day life. But I will always be a lot stronger because of all the difficulties I have overcome!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">10.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Are you more worried about doing
things right, or doing the right things?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Tough question! I think doing the right things would worry me more, as I don't like the idea of doing wrong or breaking 'rules'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">11.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>You’re having lunch with three people
you respect and admire.They all start criticising a close friend of
yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and
unjustified. What do you do?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I listen quietly, but not agree at all. I will explain that they are talking about a close friend of mine and although they are entitled to their opinions, I would prefer to talk about something else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">12.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>If you could offer a newborn child
only one piece of advice, what would it be?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Do what makes you happy - live the life you want, not what others expect from you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">13.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Would you break the law to save a
loved one?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Oh wow, I'm not sure! It would depend on what my loved one needs saving from! I would definitely want to help them, but staying within the law if possible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">14.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Have you ever seen insanity where you
later saw creativity?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Nope, I tend to see creativity wherever I look<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">15.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>What’s something you know you do
differently than most people?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Roll my tongue in to 3! Silly I know, but most people I know can only roll their tongue so that both sides go up to make like a 'tongue tube'! I can make my tongue coil into 3 'bits' - I'm very weird!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">16.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>How come the things that make you
happy don’t make everyone happy?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Because we are all individuals. We have individual experiences in life and perceive things differently, which makes the world full of variety :-)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">17<span style="color: red;">.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b><span style="color: red;">What one thing have you not done that
you really want to do?</span><span style="color: red;"> </span></b><span style="color: #0099cc;"><span style="color: red;"><b>What’s
holding you back?</b></span> </span><span style="color: #0099cc;">Travel the world - I don't have the money! Heehee! Also I have my kids and am a single mum, so they always have to come first.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">18.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Are you holding onto something you
need to let go of?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Not anymore! Lots of therapy and self-discovery have allowed me to start letting go of old, negative beliefs. I am also getting better at letting go of kids things - like toys and only keeping truly sentimental things<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">19.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>If you had to move to a state or
country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Ooooh, so many possibilities! I think I would love to live in Canada. I think that it is a beautiful country and the Canadians I have met, are just lovely!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">20</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Do you push the elevator button more
than once?</b></span></span><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b> Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?</b></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> No I don't and I don't think it would make a difference<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">21.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Would you rather be a worried genius
or a joyful simpleton?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I think joyful simpleton! I usual find more joy in the simple things in life anyway. Plus I'd rather be innocently joyful and happy then intelligent and worried all of the time ;-)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">22.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Why are you, you?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Because of my genes, my experiences in life (good and bad) which have shaped my strong moral compass and beliefs, my loving and supportive friends and family and finally the faith that I'm on the path in life that God has helped me find.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">23.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Have you been the kind of friend you
want as a friend?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Yes I think so. I am fiercely loyal and love all of my friends. I try to be supportive, to listen and help if I can. I don't have any expectations of my friends - I know that we all have busy lives and can't always find lots of spare time for a coffee and a catch-up, so I treasure any time they do have for me. I may not be good at calling friends, but I always try to message them frequently to see how they are. I hope that makes me a good friend to have. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">24.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Which is worse, when a good friend
moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Losing touch with a friend who lives right near me. A lot of my closest friends live far away and I still manage to maintain good friendships. I have actually had a good friend who lives close to me who cut off our friendship and that was far worse. I have learnt though that we keep the friends we are supposed to keep, no matter the distance between us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">25.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>What are you most grateful for?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #333333;"> My family. Without them, in particular my mum, I wouldn't be here today.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">26.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Would you rather lose all of your old
memories, or never be able to make new ones?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Wow, another really tough question! I already struggle a bit with my memory, but I think it would be far worse to never be able to make any new ones. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">27.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Is is possible to know the truth
without challenging it first?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Maybe. I think I tend to believe things as truth, as I trust that others are as truthful as I am. Perhaps I have become a little more gullible than I was previously, but I would always challenge something or investigate more if I wasn't convinced it was true.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">28.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Has your greatest fear ever come
true?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Yes. I feared not living the life I had always envisioned - being a teacher and having a happy marriage and family life. I am now a divorc</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">ed, stay at home mum!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">29.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Do you remember that time 5 years ago
when you were extremely upset?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b> </b></span></span><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> </span><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Does it really matter now?</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">No, memory isn't one of my strong points ;-)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">30.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">What is your happiest childhood
memory?</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> What makes it so special?</span></b></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Family Christmases because my grandparents always came to stay and it was even more special with them there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">31.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> When investigating which way to vote on Brexit!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">32.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>If not now, then when?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I don't know! How about tomorrow ;-)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">33.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">If you have</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">n’t achieved it yet, what
do you have to lose?</span></b></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Absolutely nothing :-)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">34<span style="color: #333333;">.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: red;"><b>Have you ever <span style="color: #0099cc;">been with someone</span>,
said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation
ever?</b></span><span style="color: #333333;"> No, not that I can think of - I like 'real' conversations much more!</span><span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">35.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Why do religions that support l</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">ove
cau</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">se so many wars?</span></b></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Religions don't cause wars, people do. People with an agenda hurt others and say that it is in the name of their God. Intolerance causes wars. Greed causes wars. Religions can be used as a 'reason' to justify peoples hatred and intolerance of others. <span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">36.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Is it possible to know, without a
doubt, what is good and what is evil?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> No. I think evil and good is impossible to ever really 'know' because it is subjective! What I think is evil may not be seen as evil to someone else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">37.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>If you just won a million dollars,
would you quit your job?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #333333;"> If I had a job I loved then no! As I am currently unemployed, I would find more charitable work to do instead of paid work.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">38.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Would you rather have less work to
do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> More work I actually enjoy doing. I need to have goals to achieve, it helps my depression. Otherwise I drift from one day to the next without really doing anything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">39.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Do you feel like you’ve lived this
day a hundred times before?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Yes! Today is one of a hundred days where I have no energy or motivation to do anything but play on my laptop with the TV on in the background! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">40.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>When was the last time you marched
into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> When I finally found myself again, after my divorce and last post-natal depression. I have finally decided where my life is going!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">41.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>If you knew that everyone you know
was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I would want to see everyone! Hold a massive party, so that I could be with them all one last time. I could never choose one person over another!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">42.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Would you be willing to reduce your
life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: #333333;"> No! I hate being in the lime light! When I played the viola, I preferred hiding in the back row of my section in the orchestra or playing in a quartet - never liked so</span><span style="color: #333333;">los!! </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">43.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: red;"><b>What is the difference between being
alive and<span style="color: #333333;"> </span><span style="color: #0099cc;">truly living</span><span style="color: #333333;">?</span></b></span><span style="color: #333333;"> </span><span style="color: #333333;">Being alive is just the physical aspects - breathing, eating, growing etc. Truly living requires much more! It requires experiences, choices, decisions, feeling emotions, interactions with others etc. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">44.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>When is it time to stop calculating
risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Right away! I have lived too long worrying and stressing about things - what problems my decisions may cause, weighing up the pros and cons . Now if I know something is the right thing to do, I will just get on and do it!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">45.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>If we learn from our mistakes, why
are we always so afraid to make a mistake?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I think some of us are braver than others! If you have always met with criticism when you make a mistake, you will eventually believe that all mistakes are bad and so you will fear them. If mistakes are just a part of your journey, like bumps in the road rather than huge valleys to cross, then you can get over them a lot easier. I love the saying that you are not making a mistake - you are doing a dance; one step back and two forwards ;-)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">46.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>What would you do differently if you
knew nobody would judge you?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I would wear my jammies all the time (even out in public) - they are just so comfy, heehee!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">47.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>When was the last time you noticed
the sound of your own breathing?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I learnt to focus on my breath when I took a mindful therapy course. I practised it the other day when having a floatation session :-)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">48.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">What do you love?</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Have any of
your recent actions openly expressed this love?</span></b></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I love my kids and I tell them so every day! I try to encourage and support them and spend as </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">much quality time with them as I can - having fun and making memories :-)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">49</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"><b> </b></span></span><!--[endif]--></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="color: red;"><b>In 5 years from now, <span style="color: #0099cc;">will you
remember</span> what you did yesterday?<span style="color: #333333;"> </span>What about the day
before that? Or the day before that?</b></span><span style="color: #333333;"> Not a chance! My memory is awful - a not so great part of my depression :-(</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-left: 22.5pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">50<b>.<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></b></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><b>Decisions are being made right
now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you
letting others make them for you?</b></span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> I have found decision making very hard due to my depression, but I think that I have made a lot of progress recently! I am able to make the important decisions myself now - especially regarding my kids. Smaller, day-to-day decisions I hope are made together with my mum, not just always made for me, (since we all live together!)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Wow! If you made it this far, then thank you for sticking with me to then end! That was a really thought provoking process! </span></div>
cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-7466558042804376452016-02-14T07:29:00.001-08:002016-02-14T07:29:37.547-08:00I want to live!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US">I am so fed up. Why do I have to be trapped in this endless cycle?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US">Once again, I am at the darkest part. I can see nothing but
blackness. I am floating through each day, without out feeling any real
connection to anything or anyone. Every day just blurs and passes on to the
next and the next. There is no light on the horizon, no spark at the end of the
tunnel, no silver lining, nothing. There is nothing beyond my own bubble of
black misery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US">How many times have I been here now? How many times have I dragged
myself out of this place? How many times have I been doing really well, only to
slip right down to the bottomless pit of depression? Again and again and again.
What is the point?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US">Nothing seems to change, nothing makes a significant difference. No,
that’s not right. Nothing makes a lasting difference. I have no energy or fight
left in me. Yet I am desperate to have a life. I don’t want to be just
existing, just this shell of a person drifting from day to day. I want to be
the mum my kids deserve. Not this broken, useless thing that tries to be
present to their wants and needs, but fails at every turn. I want to be the
daughter my parents deserve, not this useless burden, relying on them for
everything and not capable of helping or giving anything in return.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US">I want to be a useful person in society, not this benefit dependent
leech, this drain on society, with no income of my own. Who would employ me? I
certainly wouldn’t. Who would want such an unstable, unpredictable person who
will always end up on sick notes and draining your profits, with nothing to
show for it? I guess I’m afraid. Afraid of letting people down. Afraid of
becoming a financial burden on a company paying me to be on permanent sick
leave; where each of my jobs has always ended up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US">The worst of this is that I am imprisoned in this horrendous place,
not by society or family or friends. No, the only person I have to blame for my
predicament, is myself. I am the one with such expectations of what I should be
doing. I am the one who seems to ignite a self-destruct fuse every time it
looks like I am anywhere near the verge of feeling content with my life. I am
the one who puts up barriers to prevent me from doing things I should or want
to be doing. Why though? When I wouldn’t dream of doing that to another living
creature, is my subconscious content to allow me to inflict this on myself? Why
do I seem to have no control? I have all of the tools, knowledge and understanding,
learnt from years of 1:1 therapy, plus mentalization and mindfulness groups
work, so why am I still stuck?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US">Why is it that all I can manage to do is wake up each day, eat,
drink, have the TV on some show that I can’t concentrate on and then repeat the
next day and the next. Is this what my life is going to be like from now on? I
have so many ideas and hopes and dreams of things I could be doing; to earn
money (making cards, jewellery, ‘the dummy fairy’ story, calligraphy) things I
could be doing around the house to help my parents, or to be there for my kids.
I have all the ideas, but none of the drive or motivation to achieve anything.
It is pathetic to think that just having a shower and getting out of my pj’s at
the moment is a humungous achievement. I look at other parents and families and
I’m just so jealous. I’m jealous of all the school runs they do without
thinking, when for me it is a massive deal to do one morning a week. I am
envious of all the posts I read on facebook of parents having fun with their
kids; at the park, baking cakes, anything really, when all I seem able to do is
sit on the sofa and watch. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US">I grieve for the loss of myself! I once was a full time primary
teacher. I had a house of my own, a husband and hobbies, that I actually did and
enjoyed. Slowly over the years that person has been killed off, little by
little with each turn in the depression cycle. I no longer recognise the person
I have become as ‘me’. I just feel like an empty vessel; exhausted of all
useful substance, completely barren and isolated from the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US">I pray so hard for a way forward. A way out of this endless misery.
I crave that motivation and spark that I miss so much. I don’t want to just
exist anymore. I want to live! But how?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-84081644244325709892015-09-18T14:06:00.006-07:002015-09-18T14:31:47.167-07:00P is for PurposeWoohoo!<br />
Finally, finally after months and months of having absolutely no clue what I'm doing with my life and where it's headed, I have now found my new 'purpose'!<br />
A while back, ok, so it was probably at least 3 years ago, (she admits sheepishly!) I wrote a little story for Little Man all about the dummy fairy, to help him through the process of letting go of his dummies for good. In the end, he was too young for the story, but I had great fun writing him letters from his dummy fairy and giving him a certificate and gift, in exchange for him filling up the special bag with his dummies for the fairy to take away (find out more <a href="http://mentalmumlw.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/the-dummy-fairy.html">here</a>.) I shared the story with a few close family members who really liked it, but then I pretty much forgot all about it.<br />
Anywho, following a lovely catch-up lunch last weekend with my family, I have now decided to re-focus on the story and a few other 'extras' that I have thought of to try and make it into a little business. My godmother (mum's cousin) has been on and on at me to do something with the story since I wrote it, but now I think I am finally in the right place to do something about it! Soo excited!!<br />
I'm trying to think of a good, catchy name for the business (any suggestions most welcome!) and then look out world, here I come, heehee!<br />
So,keep your fingers crossed for me, that it all starts to come together very soon!cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-26892447655761762382015-07-22T14:35:00.001-07:002015-07-22T14:35:35.120-07:00Happy Birthday Little Man!Dear Little Man,<br />
Where has that year gone?? I can't believe that today you celebrated your 6th birthday! You had a lovely bowling party yesterday, with some school friends and little miss and your cousins. Auntie Charlotte and Uncle Chris bought her new baby to meet you too. You had a really awesome cake; dinosaur of course!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PGVOkhRthFk/Va_-tmEy3JI/AAAAAAAABDM/m2Mu5Ekd4qg/s1600/20150721_150240.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="112" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PGVOkhRthFk/Va_-tmEy3JI/AAAAAAAABDM/m2Mu5Ekd4qg/s200/20150721_150240.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">thank you Dawn from dial a cake!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I am so proud of the little man you are growing into. You still give the best hugs ever - you seem to know just when I need one! You have a kind heart and are really generous! You are still a complete fruit-loop, which makes me feel much better, to know that you are just as silly as me! You have also unfortunately, inherited my clumsiness too - I have never seen anyone fall over or have as many accidents at school, as you do - sorry about that!<br />
At the moment, you are really into power rangers action figures, guns, dinosaurs, jumping on the trampoline, scooting (mostly just to and from school) and you are just learning to ride the new bike that me, grannie and grandad got you for your birthday. The films of the moment that we watch again and again are How to Train Your Dragon (now you have the second one as well, thanks to grannie and grandad) Tinkerbell and Frozen (though I think those are more your sisters choices, heehee!)<br />
You have done really well at school this year - especially with your reading and handwriting! I am so so proud of you! You still love drawing and have now started writing little stories with grandad! I think you are going to take after him with your creativity :-)<br />
<br />
So, here are some of my favourite piccies of the last year:<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7fJnAmZ7kVo/VbAFpyn95lI/AAAAAAAABDg/PSakYTOTknY/s1600/20140927_160243.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7fJnAmZ7kVo/VbAFpyn95lI/AAAAAAAABDg/PSakYTOTknY/s200/20140927_160243.jpg" width="112" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_uUzXEMIrwM/VbAF-p6jLZI/AAAAAAAABDo/hN4wOOj1Nes/s1600/20140909_172745.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_uUzXEMIrwM/VbAF-p6jLZI/AAAAAAAABDo/hN4wOOj1Nes/s200/20140909_172745.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s11PjYJER5U/VbAGE0gvTBI/AAAAAAAABDw/za4XwvMFR1k/s1600/20140928_181751.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s11PjYJER5U/VbAGE0gvTBI/AAAAAAAABDw/za4XwvMFR1k/s200/20140928_181751.jpg" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l07YW4VeVh4/VbAGVkz0eOI/AAAAAAAABD4/fXM-LbnqwSE/s1600/20141111_161833.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l07YW4VeVh4/VbAGVkz0eOI/AAAAAAAABD4/fXM-LbnqwSE/s200/20141111_161833.jpg" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-G2YKSa4Tpn0/VbAGzDFbvAI/AAAAAAAABEA/e-RQnDMQF4I/s1600/20141206_082517.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-G2YKSa4Tpn0/VbAGzDFbvAI/AAAAAAAABEA/e-RQnDMQF4I/s200/20141206_082517.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EbBGbQ30zUM/VbAHBPiImLI/AAAAAAAABEI/SlGXosqvg2Y/s1600/20141207_120500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EbBGbQ30zUM/VbAHBPiImLI/AAAAAAAABEI/SlGXosqvg2Y/s200/20141207_120500.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zm5YnSlKDnw/VbAHVYLk5hI/AAAAAAAABEQ/0gyH3pk-bfc/s1600/20141222_104639.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zm5YnSlKDnw/VbAHVYLk5hI/AAAAAAAABEQ/0gyH3pk-bfc/s200/20141222_104639.jpg" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-H-_HVyqUkK8/VbAH89eiiOI/AAAAAAAABEY/Z3CL_grA_UE/s1600/20150112_163640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-H-_HVyqUkK8/VbAH89eiiOI/AAAAAAAABEY/Z3CL_grA_UE/s200/20150112_163640.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PF9U-CoWAxs/VbAIF20ZygI/AAAAAAAABEg/D3xEnSaeTwg/s1600/20150216_104435.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PF9U-CoWAxs/VbAIF20ZygI/AAAAAAAABEg/D3xEnSaeTwg/s200/20150216_104435.jpg" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6gtyF1WqJVM/VbAIQvjf_yI/AAAAAAAABEo/vrcNMrSihPE/s1600/20150219_121442.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6gtyF1WqJVM/VbAIQvjf_yI/AAAAAAAABEo/vrcNMrSihPE/s200/20150219_121442.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UHR3aYKOeqU/VbAIcuqzJjI/AAAAAAAABEw/DhI53ATyRT4/s1600/20150221_143401.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UHR3aYKOeqU/VbAIcuqzJjI/AAAAAAAABEw/DhI53ATyRT4/s200/20150221_143401.jpg" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5k-YWoTpbKc/VbAI3di8A4I/AAAAAAAABE4/4Xub-mnr1I0/s1600/20150406_173542.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5k-YWoTpbKc/VbAI3di8A4I/AAAAAAAABE4/4Xub-mnr1I0/s200/20150406_173542.jpg" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VxRquMjp3eU/VbAJM6Gn3VI/AAAAAAAABFA/_ZzaCcC82r0/s1600/DSC_0014.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VxRquMjp3eU/VbAJM6Gn3VI/AAAAAAAABFA/_ZzaCcC82r0/s200/DSC_0014.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AOCRlwx0YJw/VbAJcGaYPvI/AAAAAAAABFI/mQCkfyw5OnI/s1600/20150625_111735.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AOCRlwx0YJw/VbAJcGaYPvI/AAAAAAAABFI/mQCkfyw5OnI/s200/20150625_111735.jpg" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
We have had some brilliant times this year; playing at Dinton Pastures; bouncing on the trampoline; dressing up; our caravan holiday; Peppa Pig World; your sports day where you came 1st in the ball pick up, 2nd in the hurdles and 3rd in the sprint! My favourite was the 'dust fight' we had when we had been digging for dinosaurs - I don't know who ended up with the chalkiest face in the end ;-) heehee!<br />
You have also had to cope with the past 2 1/2 months of chaos as the extension on the house has finally begun. It has been totally crazy; with builders, electricians and now our kitchen man, but it will all be worth it in the end when the house is wheelchair-friendly for grandad. I think my favourite moment was when you came home from school to find the microwave and kettle on a table in the living room! Our 'kitchen' for the past week and a half!<br />
I love you to the moon and back little man!<br />
Love<br />
mummy xxxcloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-37367783042843641132015-01-12T13:55:00.002-08:002015-07-22T16:12:08.644-07:00Three Principles for 2015I have been one of those people who try to make a little difference to the world, by signing petitions for things that I believe in. I guess I figure that my voice can help to make changes, even if they are only small things.<br />
One of the groups that I am a member of is called Avaaz. They have had many, many petitions that I have added my name to, but this one that arrived in my in-box today, was a little different and I felt that it would be good to share.<br />
It's called the Three Principles for 2015. I thought, as I haven't made any New Years resolutions, that this would be something that I could strive for this year instead.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><b><u>Three Principles for 2015</u></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><b><u><a href="https://secure.avaaz.org/en/powerful_principles_42/?btQCweb&v=51114"><br /></a></u></b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #00acec; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.6000003814697px;"><b>Show Kindness and Respect:</b> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #121213; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.6000003814697px;">We will show kindness and respect towards ourselves and others whenever possible. And it's always possible, because everyone we meet is fighting a battle we may know nothing about.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #00acec; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.6000003814697px;"><b>Strive for Wisdom:</b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #121213; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.6000003814697px;"> We will seek to be wise in our decisions, listening deeply to ourselves and others, and balancing our heads, hearts and intuitions in a harmony that feels right.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #00acec; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.6000003814697px;"><b>Cultivate Gratitude:</b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #121213; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.6000003814697px;"> We will regularly reflect on what we're grateful for, because it brings perspective, dissolves negativity, and grounds us in what's most important.</span><br />
I have also decided to keep trying to teach my kids these same values, as I think that they are important for all ages to try and live by.<br />
If you like the idea, then follow the link (<a href="https://secure.avaaz.org/en/powerful_principles_42/?btQCweb&v=51114">here</a>) and sign up yourself.cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-78414285130754574332015-01-07T13:27:00.003-08:002015-01-07T13:27:42.379-08:00Happy 2nd birthday!!Dear Little Miss,<br />
<br />
Well, I can't believe that you are 2 today! Where has that time gone??<br />
It still doesn't seem 5 minutes ago that you were a teeny tiny baby and now you are a proper mini girl, no more 'baby' left in you - so grown up!<br />
Here are some of my favourite piccies of you this year:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b1I11VnM6YY/VKxVwB4N2sI/AAAAAAAAA9E/pcqeE1f2Pf8/s1600/20140101_122348.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-b1I11VnM6YY/VKxVwB4N2sI/AAAAAAAAA9E/pcqeE1f2Pf8/s1600/20140101_122348.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
All the way back in January - big girl walking!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h4AWo9XKHBU/VKxV0gDRh4I/AAAAAAAAA9M/VNDLVyvLHYU/s1600/20140108_110623.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h4AWo9XKHBU/VKxV0gDRh4I/AAAAAAAAA9M/VNDLVyvLHYU/s1600/20140108_110623.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8I5VrTFYpko/VKxXbmZk30I/AAAAAAAAA9g/nSyZGYLhrnM/s1600/389.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8I5VrTFYpko/VKxXbmZk30I/AAAAAAAAA9g/nSyZGYLhrnM/s1600/389.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SWHxG0uluF4/VKxXojE4SNI/AAAAAAAAA9o/bsLbo8gDUqA/s1600/418.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SWHxG0uluF4/VKxXojE4SNI/AAAAAAAAA9o/bsLbo8gDUqA/s1600/418.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-q4g7fyXCrLE/VKxX76Ve0aI/AAAAAAAAA9w/CBZOT-vPDmY/s1600/20140412_182016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-q4g7fyXCrLE/VKxX76Ve0aI/AAAAAAAAA9w/CBZOT-vPDmY/s1600/20140412_182016.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o9zUgioUHQw/VKxZHWYa9uI/AAAAAAAAA98/GaxwrxD6Idg/s1600/016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o9zUgioUHQw/VKxZHWYa9uI/AAAAAAAAA98/GaxwrxD6Idg/s1600/016.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-x8lyAtuR6j0/VKxZQdlPJAI/AAAAAAAAA-E/-BDCh5wm7X8/s1600/043.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-x8lyAtuR6j0/VKxZQdlPJAI/AAAAAAAAA-E/-BDCh5wm7X8/s1600/043.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lWqEiTKcVek/VKxZmFIciYI/AAAAAAAAA-M/zl79WGaDNrU/s1600/016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lWqEiTKcVek/VKxZmFIciYI/AAAAAAAAA-M/zl79WGaDNrU/s1600/016.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FNmn0OuGCI8/VKxZ9JzfBqI/AAAAAAAAA-U/acTBdWGKx60/s1600/20140927_150033.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FNmn0OuGCI8/VKxZ9JzfBqI/AAAAAAAAA-U/acTBdWGKx60/s1600/20140927_150033.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-I0vm37HqL7Q/VKxaSm4pXqI/AAAAAAAAA-c/475kWwBXm3k/s1600/20141111_161833.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-I0vm37HqL7Q/VKxaSm4pXqI/AAAAAAAAA-c/475kWwBXm3k/s1600/20141111_161833.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5qnyAii7PN4/VKxaX_rAZOI/AAAAAAAAA-k/XYOmaMTq1Pw/s1600/20141114_173619.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5qnyAii7PN4/VKxaX_rAZOI/AAAAAAAAA-k/XYOmaMTq1Pw/s1600/20141114_173619.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-O-Gj13K7tdc/VKxbGx3-r7I/AAAAAAAAA-s/RF6Ig8O0naI/s1600/20141201_113352.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-O-Gj13K7tdc/VKxbGx3-r7I/AAAAAAAAA-s/RF6Ig8O0naI/s1600/20141201_113352.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-u3TYjBW0aKg/VKxbJ-JZSQI/AAAAAAAAA-0/39kVvK9XZdE/s1600/20141206_082517.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-u3TYjBW0aKg/VKxbJ-JZSQI/AAAAAAAAA-0/39kVvK9XZdE/s1600/20141206_082517.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PcnW4GAZRuA/VKxbPgr-d6I/AAAAAAAAA-8/exeC76EANfA/s1600/20141207_120502.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PcnW4GAZRuA/VKxbPgr-d6I/AAAAAAAAA-8/exeC76EANfA/s1600/20141207_120502.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4bZG7tfIUxU/VKxbTUxWBoI/AAAAAAAAA_E/dE-yR-GWtx4/s1600/20141212_110234.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4bZG7tfIUxU/VKxbTUxWBoI/AAAAAAAAA_E/dE-yR-GWtx4/s1600/20141212_110234.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x6gGVlxcxCw/VKxbXEj7rDI/AAAAAAAAA_M/nMGbNM9y7fI/s1600/20141206_151039.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x6gGVlxcxCw/VKxbXEj7rDI/AAAAAAAAA_M/nMGbNM9y7fI/s1600/20141206_151039.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zwIyqgffic0/VKxbagrLMWI/AAAAAAAAA_U/vLf11Tk97Kc/s1600/20141217_115224.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zwIyqgffic0/VKxbagrLMWI/AAAAAAAAA_U/vLf11Tk97Kc/s1600/20141217_115224.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-B8RAlAswqqU/VKxbgNvj6aI/AAAAAAAAA_c/RRa4h5ZVieg/s1600/20141222_104506.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-B8RAlAswqqU/VKxbgNvj6aI/AAAAAAAAA_c/RRa4h5ZVieg/s1600/20141222_104506.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c6-35teqIEA/VKxcO4roKBI/AAAAAAAAA_k/xfpzQcaWimQ/s1600/20150106_083707.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c6-35teqIEA/VKxcO4roKBI/AAAAAAAAA_k/xfpzQcaWimQ/s1600/20150106_083707.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
I know there are soo many, but I just found so many that I really liked!<br />
They start all the way back in January, where you are showing off your walking skills and then helping me to make your birthday 'thank you' cards!<br />
Playing in the garden with Little Man pushing you in the car, followed by some very cute smiley piccies! Next up is more fun in the garden, and a special piccie with Auntie Charlotte, on one of her Tuesday visits. Funny faces at breakfast follows - you had me laughing soo hard when you did that! Next up is on the swing at the family day out in Dinton Pastures, sitting in the washing basket with Little Man and watching telly - as you do, then a brilliant piccie of you wearing your hat that shrunk - very Michael Jackson! Some family piccies next, I loved the one of us all in my bed, very nice way to wake up :-) Next we have cool shades, on the mobile and more cool shades! Finally exploring with homemade coconut playdoh, then the day you took all the drawers out of the tidy and got in yourself - my friend Ruth called it a 'child tidy' which did make me giggle! Last of all is you all grown up on the morning of your second birthday, very proud of your new scooter!<br />
<br />
You have just changed soo soo much over the last year! You and Little Man seem to be consuming some kind of magical growth potion, as you've both shot up in the last few weeks!<br />
You try really hard with your words now and babble away, which is just so cute! You are at the 'look at this mumma' stage, pointing out everything that you see, even though most of the time, I have no idea what you are saying ;-) You have the normal; yeh and nah, dadda, ada (Little Man), nanneee, ganeee, and FINALLY we have mumma and even mummeee! You don't know how long I have been waiting to not be called dadda! It now seems to be your favourite word as you say it over, and over, and over again! Add a whine and you'll be in training for grumpy teenager ;-) Also popular are; teddy, car, dog, there, here, and share - you want everyone to share with you, mostly food!! But the cutest at the moment is hot-hot, as you've learnt not to touch things that are hot :-)<br />
<br />
Your favourite toys at the moment are all your cuddly teddies, that you have decided need to be wearing nappies! You love Happy Land and got 2 new sets to add to your fairy collection, also having tea parties with me and the singing teapots - great fun! You also love zooming cars around the house chasing Little Man. Singing is another favourite thing, with 'twinkle twinkle', 'wind the bobbin up', 'the hokey kokey', 'head shoulders knees and toes', the most popular.<br />
<br />
At the moment, your week pans out as follows; Monday at Zoe's, Tuesday we go to Little Quavers music group and then you spend the rest of the day with daddy, Wednesday we are going to start going to ABC toddler group at St Mary's church, Thursday is with Zoe and then daddy again and then we have a rest day at home or with daddy depending on the week. You spend every other weekend at daddy's. When you're with me, we go often to church on Sundays. We are now looking at starting you in a nursery placement, and hopefully in September you might get a place at Pied Piper, where Little Man went.<br />
<br />
I'm just so proud of how you have grown into such a lovely little miss! Your thirst for exploring and learning are just brilliant! Looking forward to what this year has for you!<br />
<br />
Love you loads now and always!<br />
Mummy xxxxcloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-66638036074637141302014-12-16T05:20:00.001-08:002014-12-16T05:20:10.376-08:00H is for Happy!Well, hello my poor neglected little blog!<br />
I am very sorry that I have not been here for quite a while now, but life has been just so hectic!<br />
So, while I have a few quiet moments, actually to myself, I thought it was about time that I updated my latest news!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
I AM HAPPY!!!</div>
<br />
I know right?? I never thought I would be saying those words, so soon as this! But it's the truth!<br />
There a few reasons for my new found happiness:<br />
<br />
1) I am loving life and my place in it so much more now that I have placed my faith and trust in God. I pray more and try to stress less! I feel so loved and protected and it's just an amazing feeling!<br />
<br />
2) I have the most amazing, supportive family! My kids might drive me nutts, but they are what my day revolves around! My dad might be a little demanding, but he can't help it with his MS. My mum might snap at others a little, but she is only human and very tired and over-worked! This whole new outlook has just made me try to be more understanding and patient - I don't manage it all the time, but I know that it is achievable!<br />
<br />
3) I think I have met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with!! This is probably had the biggest impact on my happiness, if I'm honest!<br />
I decided (with a little encouragement from my mum) to try out Classic FM Romance, to try and meet a nice man, seeing as I was well and truly over the Ex now. So, one evening I spent an age ticking all these boxes on the forms, placed a photo of myself (really hated that bit!) and the I uploaded it! I had interest from a couple of nice men, but nothing that seemed to instantly 'click' as the right person. Two days later and I log on to find that a man with the most gorgeous smile had sent me a message! We started to message on the site, then found each other on facebook and eventually exchanged phone numbers! Then I spoke to him on the phone! I know! Me, talking to a stranger on the phone, by choice!! Unheard of ;-) Then we were talking every night! He came to spend the night in a hotel near where I live. We went out to dinner and then to the cinema and it was just brilliant!<br />
Then I went to see him for the weekend where he was working, but only ended up seeing him for an hour! He had booked me a hotel showing as being 6 miles away from where he was working, but it turned out that it had been calculated across the water! I was in fact 1 1/2 hours away! I still can't believe he got a taxi and came and surprised me for that hour - costing him £250!!! Crazy man ;-) I actually spent a beautiful weekend at Southend-on-Sea, exploring and having some 'me time'!<br />
He has also met my kids and my mum and dad! The kids loved him, as he was on the floor being silly and playing with them! He even came with me to collect Little Man from school, which I hadn't expected him to do. My parents think he's great! He sat and spoke for a while with my dad and just loved my mum's cooking - all set the right impression, confirming for me that he is just amazing!<br />
Since then he has been constantly working, but we still manage to message throughout the day and talk every night, unless one of us falls asleep ;-) I think that is one of the things I love the most about him, we talk! I never really had that with the Ex! We talk about everything! Religion, everyday things, family, past, future hopes and dreams, it's just brilliant!!<br />
He is gorgeous, kind, caring and someone I can tell everything and anything to! He knows all about my depression and the fact that I can't work at the moment, and it doesn't bother him!<br />
I told him I loved him the first night I met him in person and I truly meant it! He told me that he loved me too! We now tell each other how much we love each other, every single day! Oh, important information, his name is Michael and he is South African, so has a gorgeous accent too! I always knew I was going to fall for a tall, dark, handsome man ;-)<br />
So, there we have it! My reasons for being happy!<br />
I hope that in this hectic time of Christmas, you manage to find some time to sit back and look about you for your 'happiness' too! xxxcloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-4663742375307048022014-11-19T04:48:00.002-08:002014-11-19T04:48:21.922-08:00I'm now Confirmed!So many exciting things have been happening in my life lately, happiness, finding love, but that's for another post ;-) This post is about my growing love of God and belief in Jesus, which was confirmed for all to see at my Confirmation ceremony last night :-)<br />
<br />
It was a lovely ceremony, not at my church, but still quite a close one (they take it in turns as to who hosts the service) I had my first Communion as well, which was really nice, even though I can't have the alcohol! I had discussed this with my vicar Brenda, who has been helping me on my journey. We decided that I could just pretend to take a sip, as no one would know! Then I could fully take part, without having the alcohol that I'm not allowed ;-)<br />
<br />
The bishop of Reading confirmed me and 5 other candidates; three young kids, a small lady in her 80's (though she didn't look a day over 65!) and a man in his late 30's-early 40's. It was lovely for me to share this special evening with such a range of people, emphasising to me how my faith is shared by all walks of life :-)<br />
<br />
The part of the service that sticks with me the most, was when the bishop asked us if we were ready for this step, but not just with our minds, with our hearts. He told a story of when he had been hesitant with the paths that God seemed to be guiding him along. The first being when he went to Ethiopia. He thought only for three years, but he actually ended up staying 9! Then he was being called back to become the Bishop of Reading, and again he hesitated, not sure if he was ready. He told us that hesitation is a natural part of being human; we won't always be sure that we are following the right paths, but if we trust in God and believe with all our hearts, we will do the right thing. So, all he asked of us, was that our hearts were ready to accept God and be filled with his light and love, even if our minds were not quite there yet! He told me after that he could tell I was fully ready, as I spent the whole service just beaming!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mLFdQKYkIo4/VGyRXA_-nPI/AAAAAAAAA7M/DyVRGF2rpkk/s1600/Confirmation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mLFdQKYkIo4/VGyRXA_-nPI/AAAAAAAAA7M/DyVRGF2rpkk/s1600/Confirmation.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I am so glad and grateful for this new chapter in my life and step forward with my faith! It was lovely that my vicar Brenda, her mum Mary and my mum all came along to support me too! Brenda also gave me a beautiful cross as a gift, which was just sooo lovely of her! I 'm still carrying on meeting up with her, continuing my journey and learning from the Bible. Next time we meet, I am going to have to make sure that I have my little 'thank you' gift all sorted, but I have no idea what to give her!cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-72813977290089289932014-11-02T05:37:00.000-08:002014-11-02T05:37:36.788-08:00Random Act of KindnessCharity has been on my thoughts a lot lately. With all the suffering in the world I keep seeing and reading about, it's no wonder!<br />
However, these thoughts have really been building up now, in the run up to Christmas and the turning of the seasons towards winter. I keep thinking that I want to do more, to help more people, but I never seem to quite know what to do or how to help.<br />
<br />
The concert I went to with my mum to watch<a href="http://mentalmumlw.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/i-love-il-divo.html"> Il Divo</a>, turned into a chance for me to help someone, even though it was only a small act.<br />
As we all filed out into the streets after the concert, there sat on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, was a man, wrapped in a sleeping bag, head down, begging. He was totally silent, with just a hat place in front of him. I only watched him for a few moments, before I decided that I wanted to give him a bit of money. Before I got to him, I watched a woman place a few coins in his hat and walk away. Most people ignored him or pretended that he wasn't there. As I walked over to him, preparing just to place my coins in his hat, something just made me want to do a little more. So I crouched down next to him and asked him his name. It took a couple of tries before he actually looked up and saw that I was talking to him. I looked into the eyes of a tired, sad face and I just wanted to cry. We talked for a few moments, he told me that he was Edward. I said I was so sorry that he was homeless, and asked God to bless him. Before he left, I stayed beside him, and I learnt that he had been homeless for 15 years. As he left, with my money and others now safely tucked in his pocket (or possibly his bag, I don't remember exactly) he said goodbye and we waved at each other.<br />
<br />
Now I know I only gave this man a few pounds and the hope that he could find a hot drink somewhere, but I think actually talking to him was the more important part for me. I wonder how many times we pass homeless people on the street, everyday without giving them a single glance or thought? Or the, 'I have seen you, but I'm going to pretend that I didn't' move, or even worse, some judgemental thought along the lines of 'why don't you just get a job!' etc.<br />
<br />
I think that this has actually reinforced in me the need to do some charity work. I have been getting so much stronger and better over the last few weeks, so I think the time has come to find someone to help! Off to look at the volunteer opportunities in my local area, in just a moment.<br />
<br />
The other thing it has made me realise is just how fortunate I am.<br />
Sure, I have a mental illness, that causes me no end of problems, but I also have 2 beautiful healthy children. I have loving family and friends and a roof over my head. I have clothes to wear (even if some are holey and very very old!) and more than enough food and water to eat and drink.<br />
I am more blessed than so many, and for that I am truly thankful!<br />
<br />
I wonder if this year, in the run up to Christmas, we could all take a moment and think of those less fortunate than ourselves. A random act of kindness can go a long way, no matter how small!cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-72335172126622598722014-10-31T13:06:00.001-07:002014-10-31T13:06:12.358-07:00I love Il Divo!!Well, I managed to complete another of my <a href="http://mentalmumlw.blogspot.co.uk/p/day-zero-project_19.html">Day Zero</a> Project challenges this week by going to watch Il Divo at the BIC in Bournemouth on Wednesday, with my mum!<br />
<br />
Here we are waiting for them to start!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bvdkQoOC7sk/VFO_PwwQ2tI/AAAAAAAAA6E/dpY-i9NnpZU/s1600/20141029_192933.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bvdkQoOC7sk/VFO_PwwQ2tI/AAAAAAAAA6E/dpY-i9NnpZU/s1600/20141029_192933.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
If you have no idea who they are, then briefly, they are 4 gorgeous singers with use their classical / operatic techniques to sing a wide range of musical genres! David, Sebastien, Carlos and Urs have now been together for 10 years making music in their own Il Divo style! This is the first time that I have ever seen them live and they were just amazing!!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rhhxbK8_vjQ/VFPoj907c6I/AAAAAAAAA6c/QYNHDrIlJKc/s1600/20141031_170227.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rhhxbK8_vjQ/VFPoj907c6I/AAAAAAAAA6c/QYNHDrIlJKc/s1600/20141031_170227.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ms7DHPYMEe8/VFPoit8C09I/AAAAAAAAA6U/5H33aW1_PJI/s1600/20141031_170321.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ms7DHPYMEe8/VFPoit8C09I/AAAAAAAAA6U/5H33aW1_PJI/s1600/20141031_170321.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Sorry for the poor quality photos, but I took them of the souvenir brochure I bought!</div>
cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-20172793696989325772014-10-12T11:53:00.002-07:002014-10-12T11:53:04.423-07:00This is me.So, for yet another time in my life, I have hit rock-bottom. Not surprising since I have just had my divorce through, found out The Ex is engaged and now also has a baby on the way!<br />
Things got so bad that my depression pinged and the kids have been staying with their dad (well more like his parents!) since last Thursday night when I fell apart. They are going to keep the kids with them until Thursday and I am so so grateful - flowers, choccies and beers will def be sent as a huge thank you!!<br />
<br />
So now, I have finally got my butt out of bed and washed and dressed, I have decided that it is time to take a long hard look at myself; who am I? What do I want / need? etc. I think usually I start making these elaborate 'Plans' of what I'm going to do next and focus on next, without ever bothering to take a look at the starting point! Usually, my plans start really well, but then run out of steam pretty soon, (usually because I get ill again!) Maybe I expect too much of myself, and set unrealistic goals? Maybe I think of too many 'projects' and things I want to sort and change, giving me too much to cope with? Whatever the reason, I am now ready to face who I am. I'm also scared and a bit emotional (thanks depression!!) at what I think I am now!<br />
<br />
Ok, no more putting it off....<br />
<br />
This is me:<br />
<br />
I am 32. I've not got a problem with age, thankfully! It's just a number. You know the old saying 'you're as old as you feel' well I can actually make that a bad thing! I can often feel about my actual age on a good day, but mostly I feel like I'm 85, tired and totally worn out!<br />
<br />
I have 2 children. I'm a mum, a SAHM. I often think I am a rubbish mum. I don't have the energy or patience I want to have and think I need in order to be a good mum. I love my kids and they mean the world to me, but I need a break from them from time to time. This is the first real break I've had from my kids <i>in term time</i>, ever. I do my best, but it's not good enough at the moment, I always want to do more. My Little Man is still dealing with his dad leaving our home, but he's getting there. My Little Miss is finding her independence and just has so much energy that I can't keep up! I know I am blessed to have them, having suffered a miscarriage, but I feel like I'm letting them down at the moment.<br />
<br />
I live with my parents. I am so blessed and grateful to have my amazing parents here, supporting me. My mum is amazing, especially by helping with the kids, but she too has reached breaking point. This break from the kids will benefit all of us really! Also, it will allow the guilt of putting even more pressure on my poor mum, where she has to do what I can't, to have a break too! Living at home is brilliant, but I often feel like I'm not a 'real mum' as I don't run the house, or make the decisions, for example, buying groceries or what we are going to have for dinner - all those little annoying things that 'normal' mums do, I don't. I think I've sat back and accepted that my mum makes the decisions - she does like to be in control of things, so I let her and just go with the flow. I want to have more of a say, to help out more and do more. In time I think I will.<br />
<br />
I have some serious problems. Depression - it has been coming along and kicking me off balance now for the past 15 years and I hate it! I hate how every time I seem to finally be getting better something will happen and back my depression drags me, right back to the bottom of the spiral. Back into the darkness, where I have to claw my way up the slippery slope, back towards the light and a happier place. It is exhausting living in this cycle! A lot of the time, I just think, 'why bother, why not end it now?' but I'm too much of a coward to listen to that negative voice and actually act on it - thank God!<br />
Self-harming. I have been attacking my skin since I was about 12 years old, when I got bullied. It is routine, it happens daily and can escalate when I'm doing really bad. It happens more when I'm stressed. I think it might be a bit of ocd, as any imperfection I see on my skin - spot, mark, pimple has to go. A doctor told me once that he thought I had something called 'dermatitis atrefacta' but it never really went anywhere. I can't stop it, I've tried. At the moment, I attack my chest, face and left arm, but occasionally my legs too. It sucks, as I know that each time I pick my skin, I am re-infecting it and so the cycle keeps going!<br />
<br />
I am over weight. I hate this, but I have started to work on it. Since The Ex left, I have lost about 3 stone in weight (mostly due to stress!) I have tried to improve my diet and exercise more (eating better, cutting out diet pepsi, started kickboxing), but at the moment, I am emotionally eating and have become a couch potato!<br />
<br />
I am unemployed and on benefits. I hate this so so much! I want to be able to provide for my family myself, but my health prevents me. I hate knowing that if only I was better now, then my new life could finally begin! I want to work so badly and I would do anything, absolutely any job, as long as it gave me a chance to earn 'my own' money, I would do it! But then I think, who would want to employ me, when there are hundreds of healthy, fit, reliable people out there also looking for a job? I desperately want to do something to help others - like voluntary work, but I'm scared. I'm scared that no one will want me. I'm scared of having any responsibility at all, in case I let them down.<br />
<br />
I think I'm lonely. I am blessed with amazing friends and family, but since The Ex left me, there has been a hole in my heart. An ache that comes from losing who I thought was the love of my life. He's been part of my whole adult life, we had been together since I was 17 and he was my first real boyfriend! So I think lonely and heartbroken pretty much suit my situation!<br />
<br />
Ok, it's not all doom and gloom! I do have a couple of things I do like about myself ;-)<br />
<br />
I have cool eyes that change colour dramatically. Depending on my mood or what I'm wearing, my eyes change from bright blue, to greeny-blue to bluey-grey. Most of the time, I have a bluey-green colour, but very happy me is bright blue and the total opposite is bluey-grey! Thankfully, I don't often have bluey-grey coloured eyes!<br />
<br />
I believe in God and am a Christian. I love Jesus and am trying to live my life in a way that reflects my beliefs. I am very early in my Christian journey, but for the first time in such a long time, knowing that God loves me and protects me, has made me a little less afraid of the world! I pray every night, and have a long list of friends and family who I ask God to give an extra special blessing to - it grows continually ;-) I go to Church as often as I can, usually when I am well enough to wake up early enough to make it! I am working towards my Confirmation in November and I am so excited! I have been reading the Bible and learning lots of new things, but I want to have a bigger Christian life than just reading and praying! I want to join the Christian community and help others and learn more about being a Christian!<br />
<br />
I want to help others. I know there are many in this world who are in need, that I have more things than most; a home, food, clothes, family, friends so lots to be grateful for! Being on benefits, I feel morally wrong spending 'other people's' money on charities, even though I feel they deserve it! I have limited myself to putting spare change in charity boxes and spending £8 a year supporting the British Red Cross.<br />
I also try to help by donating to charity shops. Every time we tidy and sort a room in the house, unwanted things are bagged and donated to one of the charity shops in town. The only things that are kept to sell are big items that belong to my mum! I'm not one for trying to squeeze every last penny out of my unwanted things, by selling them on Ebay or Facebook. If I don't want it and it can be of use to someone, then off to charity it goes!<br />
Finally I am a big believer in trying to help change things in the world. I know I can't make a big difference, but if by signing my name to a petition I feel strongly about, or sending a letter to my local MP helps someone in the world, then sign away I do! I have a number of sites that I get sent petitions from Avaaz, Care2, SumOfUs and 38 Degrees. I can't believe some of the shocking things I have seen happening around the word! I hope that by signing and sharing these causes with others, then changes can start to happen and the lives of others get better!<br />
<br />
I keep trying to improve myself. I read lots of amazing bloggs and follow lots of inspirational people on Pinterest and Facebook to learn new crafts, or parenting tips, or positive thinking! I google all kinds of things, but mostly methods to help me be a better mum. I have pages and pages on Pinterest of all the things I want to do - crafts, activities for my kids, places I want to visit, recipes I want to cook. I have my <a href="http://mentalmumlw.blogspot.co.uk/p/day-zero-project_19.html">Day Zero Project </a>to keep me going and trying new things. I may get knocked down for a bit, but I keep trying to get better, I haven't yet given up!<br />
<br />
I think I am feeling a bit better since I began writing this post! I know I have some difficult things going on in my life at the moment, but there are also plenty of positives!<br />
<br />
To summarise my dreadful waffle (sorry about that!)<br />
<br />
I'm a 32 year old, stay at home mum of 2 children, who lives with her parents. I have severe depression and self harm, this makes it hard for me to work and so I'm unemployed and live off benefits. I have just come out of a relationship, so I'm feeling lonely and a bit heartbroken. I have hit rock bottom, but there are still things to be positive about! I am a Christian, who likes to help others and I have funky eyes that change colour ;-) I have more than most and just want to get better so I can earn my own money to support my family. I have a lot to give if I am brave enough to try, and I know that I will always keep trying to improve my life and others!<br />
<br />
This is where I will be looking back to in 6 months time to see what has changed - hopefully quite a lot!<br />
<br />cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-68193092993988279172014-10-02T04:06:00.003-07:002014-10-02T04:06:54.093-07:00Paying-it-forward challenge complete!I have been trying to get back on track with my <a href="http://mentalmumlw.blogspot.co.uk/p/day-zero-project_19.html">Day Zero Projects</a>, which have been sadly neglected for a while!<br />
So, this week, I got on with my challenge of sending 5 (I only had 3 agree to join the fun!) people a random gift sometime before the end of the year.<br />
<br />
One was a friend, Clare, who I saw a couple of weekends back. She and her new partner are expecting a baby, and arguing over possible names! So, I offered to get her a baby names book, which I popped in the posted this week. I know, technically not a surprise, but something useful all the same ;-)<br />
<br />
The next was a girl I worked with as a waitress, Charlote. I had no idea what to get her! Then I got thinking about her facebook page, and all the posts where she looks so beautiful (as she does!) so I decided to get her a £10 Boots voucher. Then she could treat herself to something!<br />
<br />
Finally, the lovely Jen over at <a href="http://www.jenniferslittleworld.com/">Jennifer's Little World</a>, agreed to be my third person. I LOVE following her blog and all the crafting she does! So I wondered if there was something I could get her to do with crafting - I looked over her posts for ideas and even through her Day Zero Project list, for some clue. I decided in the end, that I was so worried I would send something she already had, that a £10 Amazon voucher would allow her to choose something she actually wants or needs!<br />
<br />
Now I hope that they continue the challenge and send their gifts on to 5 other people :-)cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-55939034008420434082014-10-02T03:45:00.002-07:002014-10-02T03:45:25.055-07:00I am now officially divorced.When I think back over the last year, these were words that I thought I would be really happy to see in black and white, but that's not the case. I thought that I would be having a 'New Beginnings Party' with some of my friends, celebrating the end of one chapter and the start of a new one, but I haven't.<br />
I have actually taken the news quite badly! Which has taken me completely by surprise!<br />
But is it surprising that I am low and sad, when you think of the fact the The Ex was my first ever real boyfriend? That we had been friends since I was 9 years old and finally progressed to in a relationship when I reached 17. That after our 4 year engagement, (which started on my 18th birthday) we made it to 9 years of marriage - so a grand total of 14 years together! That he really hurt me when he left and started up a relationship with a friend of ours! That he didn't even wait to be divorced before he got engaged to his latest girlfriend!<br />
Hmmm... when you look over the last year, I think I'm entitled to a few weeks of feeling like crap! I never really had many tears when he first left - I had 2 kids to look after (with a heap of help from my family) plus a massive crisis in my depression to get over at the same time. I guess I buried every feeling, put on my brave 'it's all ok' face and carried on.<br />
Happily, it's not all doom and gloom, I genuinely have no ill will towards The Ex and am extremely happy for him! His family and I have recently mended our relationship and I am so touched that they will always see me as family, no matter what!<br />
I guess I just feel a little lonely now. I would love to have a special someone to talk to. Someone to give me hugs and kisses and tell me that everything is going to be ok. Someone to go on dates with and have a bit of fun with! My new soul mate. I know that he is out there somewhere, but that I'm not quite ready for any of that yet.<br />
I'm going to focus on getting me better (I'm already doing sooo much better than this time last year!) being the best mum and daughter I can be and finally continuing to help sort out our home - massive progress made already!<br />
At least, I'll continue to do that, when I find where my 'get up and go, has got up and gone to' ;-)<br />
<br />
<br />cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-37401370082521741522014-07-23T13:28:00.001-07:002014-07-23T13:28:57.553-07:00Dear Little ManDear Little Man,<br />
I cannot believe it, but you turned 5 yesterday! I don't know where that year has gone!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xp5_jhKGcGM/U9AOVYiYTnI/AAAAAAAAA1w/UiupBwWhzNE/s1600/birthday+boy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xp5_jhKGcGM/U9AOVYiYTnI/AAAAAAAAA1w/UiupBwWhzNE/s1600/birthday+boy.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
You opened your pressies after I finally managed to get you out of bed! I thought you would have run down the stairs like on Christmas day! Sienna had fun trying to help you open your pressies, even though you didn't really want help!<br />
After school you and 10 of your friends went to an amazing bowling party, followed by food and this amazing cake:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-U_xvKX1dzeg/U9APGAuMlrI/AAAAAAAAA14/ETOdOLQkkyI/s1600/cake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-U_xvKX1dzeg/U9APGAuMlrI/AAAAAAAAA14/ETOdOLQkkyI/s1600/cake.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></div>
made by my friend Wendy and her sister!<br />
Auntie Charlotte, Uncles Chris, Owen, Grannie, Daddy and Nanny all came along too to help me! Plus some lovely mummies and daddies stayed and played too!<br />
I think you had a great day; you were extremely excited, especially as one of your friends came home with us after school, so that we could take him to the party! You both loved sitting in the back of the car in the seat in the 'boot' on the way to the party!<br />
You got loads of dinosaur themed pressies - your absolute <i>favourite</i> at the moment!<br />
You now have another party on Saturday with daddy - you lucky thing!<br />
<br />
I just have to share some of my favourite piccies from the last year!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BNOJB_YoQu4/U9AUUJTLf-I/AAAAAAAAA3c/CTy2iBtI_fc/s1600/IMG_7545+new+one.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BNOJB_YoQu4/U9AUUJTLf-I/AAAAAAAAA3c/CTy2iBtI_fc/s1600/IMG_7545+new+one.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hzX9WX7axOE/U9AT74wfRDI/AAAAAAAAA3M/wM1-X9uAEyo/s1600/20130813_172656.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hzX9WX7axOE/U9AT74wfRDI/AAAAAAAAA3M/wM1-X9uAEyo/s1600/20130813_172656.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-46ShPlNEqdo/U9AUIIPcQkI/AAAAAAAAA3U/RhBjDhD4g7s/s1600/20130912_081713.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-46ShPlNEqdo/U9AUIIPcQkI/AAAAAAAAA3U/RhBjDhD4g7s/s1600/20130912_081713.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7LdPF22RG6Q/U9ASndXMFKI/AAAAAAAAA2k/mbLe3YD0VNk/s1600/20140412_145132.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7LdPF22RG6Q/U9ASndXMFKI/AAAAAAAAA2k/mbLe3YD0VNk/s1600/20140412_145132.jpg" height="200" style="cursor: move;" width="150" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MKI_Ib6Hprw/U9AUmxHNUyI/AAAAAAAAA3k/rP93SVxCFkM/s1600/20131112_132020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MKI_Ib6Hprw/U9AUmxHNUyI/AAAAAAAAA3k/rP93SVxCFkM/s1600/20131112_132020.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--HhNQCqFct4/U9ARg9A0sYI/AAAAAAAAA2E/MLOWQpS_ypg/s1600/20140126_151535.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--HhNQCqFct4/U9ARg9A0sYI/AAAAAAAAA2E/MLOWQpS_ypg/s1600/20140126_151535.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GBx0n3307cs/U9AR4-HKUHI/AAAAAAAAA2U/KToQisuqRRA/s1600/movie+night.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GBx0n3307cs/U9AR4-HKUHI/AAAAAAAAA2U/KToQisuqRRA/s1600/movie+night.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LfvomnVgxCQ/U9ARqfLYW5I/AAAAAAAAA2M/Ropvm9wYevA/s1600/20140125_184840.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LfvomnVgxCQ/U9ARqfLYW5I/AAAAAAAAA2M/Ropvm9wYevA/s1600/20140125_184840.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZroXZtjVUbo/U9AS0Fde-wI/AAAAAAAAA2s/GaYqMLhvGRA/s1600/099.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZroXZtjVUbo/U9AS0Fde-wI/AAAAAAAAA2s/GaYqMLhvGRA/s1600/099.jpg" height="200" width="195" /></a></div>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GO-v1IHMvDw/U9ASWg7uSBI/AAAAAAAAA2c/tpAh7hxF_Jc/s1600/20140408_132726.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GO-v1IHMvDw/U9ASWg7uSBI/AAAAAAAAA2c/tpAh7hxF_Jc/s1600/20140408_132726.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BWGXJSHSNRo/U9ATJgSP6YI/AAAAAAAAA20/Q3LsNlrm2gA/s1600/043.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2PmSWBIn71E/U9ATml6WNxI/AAAAAAAAA28/7P1P29o54Uc/s1600/079.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XVUAebKB29o/U9ATxxZI6cI/AAAAAAAAA3E/0lqVvBvQcfc/s1600/IMG_20140720_154702144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XVUAebKB29o/U9ATxxZI6cI/AAAAAAAAA3E/0lqVvBvQcfc/s1600/IMG_20140720_154702144.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BWGXJSHSNRo/U9ATJgSP6YI/AAAAAAAAA20/Q3LsNlrm2gA/s1600/043.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BWGXJSHSNRo/U9ATJgSP6YI/AAAAAAAAA20/Q3LsNlrm2gA/s1600/043.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2PmSWBIn71E/U9ATml6WNxI/AAAAAAAAA28/7P1P29o54Uc/s1600/079.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
These show:<br />
'flying' on the trampoline, your first day in Reception Class (Fir, Turquoise group with Mrs S as your teacher), with Skye and Sienna's Christening, snuggles in bed, making smoothies for your homework, dressing up, silly faces, movie night, happy on the trampoline, with Uncle Chris on our visit to Wellington Country Park (a place you now LOVE!) fun on the trampoline with Auntie Charlotte on her Tuesday visits, Sports Day (Mrs S helping you!) and our first water fight in the garden :-)<br />
<br />
It hasn't been the easiest of years for you, what with daddy leaving, me being really poorly and getting used to full school days, but you have done so so well, and I am so proud of the Little Man you have become! You try really hard with your all your work at school; your reading and writing has improved sooo much over the year, your colouring and drawing too! Numbers are still what you find easiest. Your teachers are really proud of you too!<br />
You've made some lovely friends at school and have already been to 3 birthday parties this summer, with another yet to go.<br />
<br />
As I said before, you love dinosaurs, but also cars and playing games with Grandad. I love making marble runs with you in the living room and now thanks to Grannie and Grandad buying you an extra set, we can make the biggest run <i>ever</i>!<br />
<br />
Now, as you've just gone to bed on the last day of term, we have the whole summer holiday to look forward to! Already planned are trips to Bucklebury Farm Park, Marwell Zoo, The Natural History Museum on London (to see the dinosaurs!) a 2 week holiday with me, Grannie, Grandad and Sienna in Wales, plus loads of trips to the Lakes, parks, etc. You're also going for your first proper swimming lessons - which I hope you'll really enjoy! Theme days, arty stuff, making, baking, exploring, play days with your friends and just relaxing are also in store!<br />
<br />
I love you now and always,<br />
Mummy<br />
xxx<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<!-- Blogger automated replacement: "https://images-blogger-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2F4.bp.blogspot.com%2F-BWGXJSHSNRo%2FU9ATJgSP6YI%2FAAAAAAAAA20%2FQ3LsNlrm2gA%2Fs1600%2F043.jpg&container=blogger&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image%2F*" with "https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BWGXJSHSNRo/U9ATJgSP6YI/AAAAAAAAA20/Q3LsNlrm2gA/s1600/043.jpg" -->cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-51759945113487962642014-07-19T13:50:00.003-07:002014-07-19T13:51:20.588-07:00Lots of things going on!Oooh it's been a while again!<br />
What with trying to sort my little life out with cleaning schedules, looking after my babies and then getting an awful tummy bug, I have managed to completely neglect my poor little blog!<br />
<br />
There are so many things that have been going on lately!<br />
At this precise moment, my kids are meeting their dads new girlfriend. I am praying that things will go ok and I won't get an evil monster come home tonight, because he's not happy. I am totally fine with all of this, which never ceases to amaze me! I'm actually happy that he's found 'THE ONE' which she apparently is, though they've only been together a couple of months at most. Unfortunately, The Ex told Little Man all about her a few weeks back, without me knowing anything about it! It is the first time in soooo long that I was actually livid! Poor Little Man was not ready for such a bomb shell to be dropped, without warning! So I actually screamed down the phone at The Ex! Not my finest moment, but I have been picking up the pieces from all the things that The Ex has done, and I got a load of backlash that I hadn't been prepared for! Any who, damage done, so I thought there was no point in holding off on things any longer. The new girlfriend wanted to have their first meeting at Little Man's birthday party at his dad's next weekend. I decided that it would be rather unfair to have his birthday overshadowed by such a big thing, so they are meeting today instead.<br />
<br />
I have started to FLY again! If you don't know who the <a href="http://www.flylady.net/">FLYlady</a> is, you HAVE to check her out! I have started to try and get 2 routines sorted - morning and evening. After that, I've got some little cleaning routines started, but not got too far yet! I'm still working on getting together my control journal. I feel so much happier when I look around the house and don't see dirt and mess everywhere! Don't get me wrong, I still have very very long way to go before I'll have sorted out all of the house, but baby steps in the right direction sure do help!<br />
<br />
I've finally started my latest therapy 'mentalisation'. It's my first group therapy and I'm already learning lots of things. I'm actually really happy that it's a group thing this time. Sharing experiences and learning from each other has been really good.<br />
<br />
I'm trying another new thing with Little Man to try and help him with his frustrations and anger:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-azUrO-EsYkw/U8rVOrsj2dI/AAAAAAAAA1Y/lmzD3LIGwtg/s1600/10514588_10154362119490640_8197333804192957329_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-azUrO-EsYkw/U8rVOrsj2dI/AAAAAAAAA1Y/lmzD3LIGwtg/s1600/10514588_10154362119490640_8197333804192957329_n.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
Not the best picture, but I felt really proud that I did all the pictures myself - I still need to work on some of my drawing skills, but it's a start!<br />
I found the Wheel of Choice on one of my many, many trawls through bloggs and google searches, in an attempt to learn something to help me help my Little Man. I know most of the reasons for his bad behaviour are his age and that he's tired, but as his mum, I feel that I have to do whatever I can to help him. I think in a lot of ways I feel responsible for how he behaves. I feel that it's my fault if he's not managing his feelings very well, as I haven't taught him the right skills yet. I'm hoping that this might work! If not, then back to the drawing board ;-)<br />
<br />
Well, that about sums it up for now!<br />
Not going to leave it too long before my next entry!cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-52733806253488923822014-06-05T03:00:00.001-07:002014-06-05T03:00:03.890-07:00Painting project - complete!FINALLY! Little Miss has finally got her own bedroom!<br />
Over half term, mum and I spent a few exhausting days (and nights) clearing, cleaning and decorating her little bedroom. I actually really enjoyed the process and have decided that painting is quite relaxing! I was on 'brush' duties - corners, edges and other bits and mum was on the roller. Unfortunately, we didn't realise how uneven the walls were, so I have to keep going round and touching up the gaps, but it looked soooo much better when we finally finished :-)<br />
<br />
Here are a few piccies to show the progress:<br />
<br />
BEFORE:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4gThSyzvvro/U5A4tana4uI/AAAAAAAAAyA/gg1e8ztnC_o/s1600/20140528_100535.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4gThSyzvvro/U5A4tana4uI/AAAAAAAAAyA/gg1e8ztnC_o/s1600/20140528_100535.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hO4IT9ladHU/U5A4tA3NZdI/AAAAAAAAAx8/nqYjqDc37YQ/s1600/20140528_100548.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hO4IT9ladHU/U5A4tA3NZdI/AAAAAAAAAx8/nqYjqDc37YQ/s1600/20140528_100548.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OjjjqcYFTcQ/U5A5bFc876I/AAAAAAAAA0Q/9X5c16OrtHY/s1600/20140528_100604.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OjjjqcYFTcQ/U5A5bFc876I/AAAAAAAAA0Q/9X5c16OrtHY/s1600/20140528_100604.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
As you can see, it was quite a dump!<br />
We the cleared and cleaned and got ready to paint.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iXZ4Bs04pS8/U5A46hRaxbI/AAAAAAAAAyg/pgBNYaLfIHU/s1600/20140529_232142.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iXZ4Bs04pS8/U5A46hRaxbI/AAAAAAAAAyg/pgBNYaLfIHU/s1600/20140529_232142.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TEDjqH42pdo/U5A47b0qPsI/AAAAAAAAAyU/dQVatqHMFj4/s1600/20140529_232149.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TEDjqH42pdo/U5A47b0qPsI/AAAAAAAAAyU/dQVatqHMFj4/s1600/20140529_232149.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ooW0mArbVKw/U5A46WmUdQI/AAAAAAAAAyQ/q98_AXjUeDs/s1600/20140529_232201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ooW0mArbVKw/U5A46WmUdQI/AAAAAAAAAyQ/q98_AXjUeDs/s1600/20140529_232201.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cmYcp53Ucjc/U5A47sVYGLI/AAAAAAAAAyc/mN9-A8PtXcY/s1600/20140530_131030.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cmYcp53Ucjc/U5A47sVYGLI/AAAAAAAAAyc/mN9-A8PtXcY/s1600/20140530_131030.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All ready to paint!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We had a few mishaps! Mum managed to knock off her tray of white paint (that we used as first 2 coats) Luckily we had some old sheets down on the carpet! Unluckily, I managed to tread in the paint, resulting in lovely white feet, heehee!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--UPXiFM131c/U5A5CIsFK9I/AAAAAAAAAy4/DEfogvTYab4/s1600/20140530_194127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--UPXiFM131c/U5A5CIsFK9I/AAAAAAAAAy4/DEfogvTYab4/s1600/20140530_194127.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I love the colour we picked out! It is just so fresh and girlie! It really helped to brighten up what was quite a dark room (it used to belong to my older brother, before he moved into his own place) </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_U7_EBluFsM/U5A5BjSaqhI/AAAAAAAAAy0/xKWXHL0_KZY/s1600/20140531_142928.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_U7_EBluFsM/U5A5BjSaqhI/AAAAAAAAAy0/xKWXHL0_KZY/s1600/20140531_142928.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UQrbZz9epr0/U5A5B4MvddI/AAAAAAAAAyw/G57Vh0x-NEs/s1600/20140531_142935.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UQrbZz9epr0/U5A5B4MvddI/AAAAAAAAAyw/G57Vh0x-NEs/s1600/20140531_142935.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6SUZY5xb-bo/U5A5F_01nII/AAAAAAAAAzA/MYNrvmzk_vY/s1600/20140531_142941.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6SUZY5xb-bo/U5A5F_01nII/AAAAAAAAAzA/MYNrvmzk_vY/s1600/20140531_142941.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
It was a bit of a rush to get the furniture back in before Little Miss and Little Man got back from their dads, so I didn't quite finish on my own. Little man helped to place all of the finishing touches, and his dad helped me move the cot and hang a large picture on the wall. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Very pleased with the end results:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
AFTER: </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-F9xTZicZLLs/U5A5JuxBnFI/AAAAAAAAAzM/1JOOhNSCy88/s1600/20140531_165432.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-F9xTZicZLLs/U5A5JuxBnFI/AAAAAAAAAzM/1JOOhNSCy88/s1600/20140531_165432.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RncQjdh8tjM/U5A5KuvyoEI/AAAAAAAAAzY/DwclYPC67hw/s1600/20140531_165442.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RncQjdh8tjM/U5A5KuvyoEI/AAAAAAAAAzY/DwclYPC67hw/s1600/20140531_165442.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zLHK9gxrsHM/U5A5QmRuvfI/AAAAAAAAAzg/5QkiWYRQAfk/s1600/20140531_165449.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zLHK9gxrsHM/U5A5QmRuvfI/AAAAAAAAAzg/5QkiWYRQAfk/s1600/20140531_165449.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VdgjDIJkl0Q/U5A5RYw4BSI/AAAAAAAAAzo/Hh92go2_2eY/s1600/20140531_165459.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VdgjDIJkl0Q/U5A5RYw4BSI/AAAAAAAAAzo/Hh92go2_2eY/s1600/20140531_165459.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uhG8YaZx6eY/U5A5SXNUFeI/AAAAAAAAAzw/Zj_BPlyY3jo/s1600/20140531_165509.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uhG8YaZx6eY/U5A5SXNUFeI/AAAAAAAAAzw/Zj_BPlyY3jo/s1600/20140531_165509.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JRb9goSUXi0/U5A5VzvvtPI/AAAAAAAAAz4/QwyFpXmxqls/s1600/20140531_165518.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JRb9goSUXi0/U5A5VzvvtPI/AAAAAAAAAz4/QwyFpXmxqls/s1600/20140531_165518.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ByV8X4uUtVA/U5A5ZQmAhTI/AAAAAAAAA0I/f-FqzluKgYE/s1600/20140531_173906.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ByV8X4uUtVA/U5A5ZQmAhTI/AAAAAAAAA0I/f-FqzluKgYE/s1600/20140531_173906.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Both Little Man and Little Miss seemed to love the end results too!<br />
Now, Little Man is working towards getting his own bedroom decorated, as I think he's a little jealous, bless him! He has to earn stars for being good at bedtime - something that can be very hit and miss! So far, he has earned a star for every night since he's been home, so it seems to be working as a great incentive for good behaviour ;-)<br />
He has decided that he wants to have a rainbow, with sun, moon, stars, rain clouds, and probably a load more things that I can't remember! I have decided to enlist the help of one or a few of my arty friends to paint a mural on the largest wall in his room, as I don't think my skills would stretch that far, heehee!<br />
Little Miss has been brilliant sleeping in her new bedroom, so YAY for that!<br />
Oooh, that's also another '<a href="http://mentalmumlw.blogspot.co.uk/p/day-zero-project_19.html">Day Zero Project</a>' completed, so double YAY! :-Dcloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-3097187844756088872014-05-25T11:00:00.000-07:002014-05-25T11:00:02.715-07:00What is wrong with me?!?I 'm feeling so disappointed with myself!<br />
I have got a whole week, kiddie free (they're spending half term with their dad, on holiday) and so far, I have done NOTHING!<br />
Why, why WHY!?!<br />
What is wrong with me?<br />
I have all of these big projects that need doing and even some little ones, but as yet, my motivation has not appeared! I am totally ashamed of myself!<br />
What is it going to take to get me off my big butt and into action?<br />
I must be the world's most lazy and selfish person, ever!<br />
I have got to get my self together, I have been so excited about these projects - especially sorting out Little Misses bedroom, so what is stopping me?<br />
I am amazing at making all of the lists and getting things for the projects, so why can't I just get on with it? I mean, I am writing this as another form of 'avoidance' - bad me, bad, bad, bad!<br />
Ok, I can do this! I am going to get off my lazy bum and do something, anything! As long as it involves not sitting on the sofa watching the telly, or 'killing time' on my laptop!<br />
Move it, move it MOVE IT!!!cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-55637579854619645162014-05-14T10:25:00.000-07:002014-05-14T10:25:01.514-07:00Another day zero project completedYesterday, I decided that we were going to do our 'Tie a message to a balloon and let it go' challenge, though it didn't go quite as planned ;-)<br />
To start with, I forgot that it could jut be a note, so we did wishes instead! Plus, my mum had the genius idea of putting out wishes <i>inside </i>the balloons, so then they stay waterproof, so we did that too!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5APYxQ5S2iU/U3OdpEpnzjI/AAAAAAAAAvg/edNKEcfqNrg/s1600/081.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5APYxQ5S2iU/U3OdpEpnzjI/AAAAAAAAAvg/edNKEcfqNrg/s1600/081.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Little Man and I had to chose a wish for Little Miss. He had some great suggestions like 'have a strawberry' but I think the final, 'have a finished bedroom' was a winner in the end - no hidden agenda of course ;-)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cDmJBofiT6w/U3OdzIqGNpI/AAAAAAAAAvw/wxPvTL9Jve8/s1600/087.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cDmJBofiT6w/U3OdzIqGNpI/AAAAAAAAAvw/wxPvTL9Jve8/s1600/087.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here we all are, ready with Auntie Charlotte, to release our wishes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Then, to our dismay, they all dropped like they were full of lead! I don't think it was windy enough, so I was going to save them for a windier day. However, Little Man thought as one of them popped, he would help ensure that the rest of them popped too! I found all our folded up wishes and took them inside for another day. Then I had a weird conversation with my mum who said that some big company had been intending to release loads of balloons in celebration of some achievement / anniversary and had put it off after an environment group emailed them explaining the damage it would cause to birds and wildlife! I had never even considered the impact of burst balloons ending up in water ways or worse being eaten by an animal or bird that then choked on it! So I had another think! I decided that a good alternative would be to burn them! That way, minimum damage to environment - as the fire would be teeny!<br />
Well, half a box of matches later, I finally managed to light our 4 wishes! Then we watched them float away in the smoke, hoping that one day they might come true :-)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w6YMKRJJ1GE/U3Od2_1t0SI/AAAAAAAAAv8/oKw0xsbAQqs/s1600/093.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-w6YMKRJJ1GE/U3Od2_1t0SI/AAAAAAAAAv8/oKw0xsbAQqs/s1600/093.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sNeOpaDxppI/U3Od2r2Z8yI/AAAAAAAAAwA/5a7U1K6LrPs/s1600/094.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sNeOpaDxppI/U3Od2r2Z8yI/AAAAAAAAAwA/5a7U1K6LrPs/s1600/094.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-60406010397059894202014-05-02T11:44:00.000-07:002014-05-02T11:44:01.755-07:00H is for HeartbrokenSo, today has not been a great day.<br />
The weather outside is dark and overcast and my mood has reflected this! I have been mooching around in my jammies, ever since I got up (I have no idea what time that was) and I've just been in this 'fug' ever since!<br />
I can't really concentrate and have been blubbing on and off ever since Little Miss went off with her dad for the night. I've been looking at the TV shows and not really knowing what's going on, not really taking anything in. I've read all of my e-mails and been pinning loads of things onto Pinterest for about an hour now, but I don't think I could actually recall what I pinned!<br />
I gave up on watching TV shows and put on some background music and it was when they suddenly switched to love songs (again, no idea what was playing before!) that it suddenly hit me! I was sat listening to Richard Marx sing 'Right here Waiting' - it was Our Song, and it just made me cry even more! That was when I finally worked out, the reason that everything was going rubbish and I have been crying on and off for no reason, is that I'm heartbroken!<br />
My ex came and spent some time with our kids, here, in my house, yesterday, because it was his birthday. I now realise that this was a huge mistake. I should never have let that happen. I should have insisted that he took the kids out, or to his place. Having him, here, as if nothing had ever happened, laughing and joking around has just made me realise that I miss that. I miss having someone to share my life with. I miss having someone who loves me and my kids above all else. I realised how alone I have been feeling lately. I feel as if there is no hope of me ever finding anyone who will love me, as I am mentally ill, and who would want to see past that and get to know me, the real me? I feel hollow and empty. I guess this is what happens when you break up with your first ever love. Because that's what he was. He was my first real boyfriend and now he's gone. He's gone and my heart is shattered.cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-72661912394617441922014-04-26T07:17:00.001-07:002014-04-26T07:17:17.345-07:00M is for me time!I am having the BEST weekend so far!<br />
Mum left yesterday afternoon to spend the weekend with some friends. The kids are spending the WHOLE weekend (well until 2.30 on Sunday) with their dad. So it's just me and my dad for the weekend!<br />
I know it must sound awful, but I'm really enjoying having a bit of space and <i>real</i> time to myself! I have done loads of things on the Internet (mainly blogging and pinterest, heehee!), caught up on TV programmes I have recorded and just vegged on the sofa! Last night I had the extra bonus of a lovely long bubble bath before bed. Uninterrupted, as long as I wanted, it was bliss!<br />
I got up at 11 this morning - bad I know! But for once, I didn't wake up feeling guilty that mum had been looking after the kids whilst I had been asleep! I'm on the road to recovery now with this latest depression 'melt-down', but I still feel guilty when I don't do everything I think I should be - especially when it comes to looking after my kids! I am feeling proud though, as I managed to do 3 out of the 4<i> morning </i>school runs this week! I haven't managed that for <i>ages</i>, and it's made me feel so much better, plus taken pressure off of mum! (a big 'yay me' moment I think, heehee!)<br />
I think that this is the first weekend since husband left me back in November, that I have not had the kids, or the guilt of being away and mum looking after them! I'm loving it!<br />
I even made pancakes for our brunch this morning! I decided that me and dad deserved to have a treat, as everyone else is off having fun for the weekend! They were probably the best I've made to date, as I managed to cook them all without burning any, heehee! They were just yummy!<br />
Here's hoping you're having a good weekend too!cloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466289412924946720.post-70060003758706617382014-04-21T14:19:00.001-07:002014-04-21T14:19:45.125-07:00N is for Nephew!Well, I thought it had been a while since I did one of my <a href="http://mentalmumlw.blogspot.co.uk/p/a-z-blog-prompts.html">A-Z blog prompts</a> and this seemed a perfect subject after the lovely afternoon I spent at my brother's this afternoon!<br />
On the 13th April, my little nephew finally made his appearance! (He was late!)<br />
He weighed 9lbs 7oz at birth!! My poor sister-in-law ended up having a c-section as he wouldn't come out!<br />
He is absolutely perfect and today mum, dad and I finally got to go over and have our first cuddles!<br />
He is just soooo teeny tiny! With his cute button nose and little legs that are still bendy like a frogs! Beautiful blue eyes and a right little wriggler when my dad was having cuddles! He was a perfect angel for mum! For me, the two times I held him, he cried! Woops! It did make me feel better when my sister-in-law (SIL) reminded me that Little Miss did the same to her when she had first cuddles last year! Must be pay-back time, heehee!<br />
What did surprise me, is that SIL is already to have the next one!! I think it took me years before I could even contemplate that idea, but fair play to her! My brother did once say that he wanted to have 6 kids, which I shared with SIL today! Not sure that they'll have that many though, judging from her look when I told her that, heehee ;-)<br />
It's also been lovely to hand down loads of bits that Little Miss doesn't need anymore! I never sold anything from when Little Man was a baby, everything was either kept for Little Miss, or been given and shared amongst my friends! It's even nicer to share with my big bro! I've got a list of more things I've asked if they wanted, to take when we visit in a couple of weeks with Little Man and Little Miss!<br />
Sooo happy for them! Just had to share :-Dcloudy days and moonbeamshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17534699858148703951noreply@blogger.com0