Thursday, 29 November 2012

I am sooo proud of my hubby!

Today was a huge achievement for hubby! He finally went to the doctors and asked for some help!
It's not been easy for us the last few years, poor hubby has had to deal with -
moving in with my parents,
me leaving my well paid teaching job, followed by leaving waitress job due to my depression (and pregnancy!)
me being pregnant - am 36 weeks tomorrow, so we are nearly there! However, this has by no means been an easy pregnancy! I've had bleeds, gestational diabetes diagnosed, my depression has been horrendous, I'm exhausted all the time and have sciatica now too!!
our little man, now 3 and gorgeous, but can be extremely hard work, tiring, and has a way of getting on hubby's last nerve, (sometimes deliberately but not always!)
he also hates his job!
I've been trying to talk to him about his temper - he has been loosing it at any tiny little thing lately and occasionally scares me with his over-reaction to what little man has done / is doing that annoys him.
Having had depression myself for 13 years, I think it has helped me to see the early warning signs that he is struggling (and I don't blame him frankly, life's not easy at the moment!) so I've been trying to get him to go and talk to the doctor and get some help, for quite a while now.
Well, today he went and told the doctor that basically everything at the moment is really p***ing him off!! The doctor was brilliant and said he had done an amazing thing in admitting this and coming to get help! He's now on anti-depressants for the next 3 weeks to see how he goes!
I am so so so so so so proud of him for being so brave and getting the help he so needed!
I love him so so so much and am going to be there for him every step of the way!
Just wanted to share with you all :)

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Making plans...failure!!

So there I was with my last post Making Plans, all ready with my big plan of jobs to try and help mum and hubby around the house more, and help me feel a little less useless and guilty, the result... pants!
My body and baby bump seem to have other ideas about how I should be spending my time!

Firstly, I came down with an evil cold and cough that lasted about 3 days (I even managed to go through a whole box of tissues in less than one day!) and left me completely exhausted!

On Saturday, my body decided I needed something else to add to my list, and I started the morning coughing up blood! I spent 3 hours waiting at our out of hours docs (WestCall) in the hospital, to be told I have a virus! I was actually really glad and relieved that it wasn't something more dreadful!!

Then a couple of nights ago I developed a searing pain running down my left side - starting from my hip and going mainly up my back. I think it's a trapped nerve (sciatica is that the right word??) This has left me in loads of pain, and not able to get a good nights sleep :( Some of my family think that the baby might be squishing a nerve or something??

So there we have it, baby and body seem intent on slowing me down even more - though I don't know how that is possible, heehee!

Oh, to end with a plus, I have managed to take or pick up Little Man from Pre-school every day this week, so not a total disaster ;)

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Making plans

I'm really good at this!
I have numerous lists of things that I need to do, or want to do all neatly written down in my notebook (I LOVE my notebook, I use it to remember everything!! At the moment, baby brain is so bad I have no other option, heehee!)
However, a lot of the time, my lists of things to do remains just that, a list!
(though I must just say, my list of pressies to buy for x-mas is all crossed off!!)

So, I have been doing lots of thinking, as insomnia is really bad with the big bump and toilet trips in the night, so I have plenty of thinking time ;) and I have decided to try and have days to do certain things.
At the moment, where I am just sooo tired, I can't guarantee what kind of day I'm going to be having, so until the baby arrives, I'm going to have weekend and weekday jobs ;)

During the week I am planning to:
Fill the dishwasher every night
Make cards (especially x-mas ones at the moment, as I haven't started them yet and I want to make most of my close friends and family cards this year!)
Clean the downstairs toilet and basin
Try and hoover upstairs and downstairs (though probably not the same day, as it leaves me sooo knackered, heehee!)
Pick up Little man from Pre-School (with so little sleep at the moment, I just can't get up in time to take him :(  )
Have lots of play time and fun with Little man!!

Then during the weekend I  want to:
Clean the bathroom toilet and basin
Do some baking with Little man - cakes or biscuits for lunches and snacks during the week. Today we are going to make Shrewsbury biscuits :)
Have some family fun! Some special time with hubby :)
Write a blog - as I find it really therapeutic (after all, that was why I started blogging!!) and catch up with the other blogs that I don't get sent through e-mails.

So there you have my 'ultimate plan' - I'll let you know next week how I'm doing ;)

Monday, 12 November 2012

The Ups and Downs of this pregnancy!

Well, again it has been an absolute age since I last had my last blog - bad me!
The pregnancy is going to take the blame for this though, as it has been very hard!

I don't remember it being quite as hard as this when I was pregnant with Little Man, but I suppose that time I was sick for 17 weeks and didn't have a 3 year old to look after at the same time ;)

I always get the bad bits over first and end with the good, so here are the more negative aspects of my pregnancy this time!

The Downs:
I am soooo tired all the time! Yet I don't manage to sleep at night :(
This is due to the amount of times I need to drag myself to the loo, and that I am soooo huge (hubby has already compared me to a beached whale!) that it is really uncomfy trying to sleep on my sides - especially with trying to heave myself from one side to the other - I have never been able to sleep in one position ;)

I have had 2 trips to the hospital with bleeds, which have been really scary! (especially as I had the miscarriage last Christmas!)
The first turned out to be an infection, and the second was just 'one of those things'!

I now have gestational diabetes :( :( :(
This means that I have had to get used to stabbing my finger 2x a day, plus extra blood tests :(
On the plus side of this thought, my fear of needles is not as bad as before! :)

My depression has been a complete nightmare!
I have had suicidal thoughts (thankfully they passed quickly!!), nights of crying myself to sleep, terribly low mood and feelings of self-loathing, worthlessness and that I have no future to look forward to! The crowning low point had to be when I was feeling ill and depressed and I told hubby that I wanted him to move in with his parents as I was feeling neglected!!

Phew, that's done now! onto the better bits!!

The Ups!
My family have been amazing at helping me look after Little Man when I couldn't, and giving me all the love and support I needed through the tougher times!

Little Man has had some lovely moments lately! Firstly in sorting through his toys (we've never sold any of them!) to give some to the baby - which was sooo cute!
Secondly all the little kisses and chats he's had with baby - which is (according to him) in my tummy button!!

On the good days, I have managed to do some chores and jobs round the house - washing, hoovering and the dishwasher. It might not seem a lot, but I was finally happy at being able to help, as I know mum and hubby have been taking the strain more, as I've been so bad.
We have also had a massive tidy up of Little Man's toys, which were getting everywhere!! They are now all in his bedroom, except for one 4 drawer stack and a box of his Lego in the living room! His room may now look like a tip, but the rest of the house is much better! :)

We've still had some great family times!
Little man has been really creative lately. We've made pictures with stickers; cards for mum, hubby and grandad with his 'snipping' and sticking scrap card and salt dough models which we then painted!
We've been playing more games too! Loads of role play with his cars (his favourite thing at the moment) plus playing with a game I found in a charity shop 'Shopping List' by Orchard toys - which he loves!!
We've managed shopping trips (for pressies), 3 birthday parties and trips to the lakes :)

Finally, I am really happy that I have nearly done all of our Christmas shopping!! (only 3 left to get!)
Although baby is due on 28th Dec, for some reason I am convinced that s/he will be early, so I'm being prepared ;)

So there you have it, the good and bad of my pregnancy this time round!
I had to save the best thing for last;
I'm finally nearly there!!! 33 weeks and counting :)