H is for Happy!

Well, hello my poor neglected little blog!
I am very sorry that I have not been here for quite a while now, but life has been just so hectic!
So, while I have a few quiet moments, actually to myself, I thought it was about time that I updated my latest news!

I AM HAPPY!!!

I know right?? I never thought I would be saying those words, so soon as this! But it's the truth!
There a few reasons for my new found happiness:

1) I am loving life and my place in it so much more now that I have placed my faith and trust in God. I pray more and try to stress less! I feel so loved and protected and it's just an amazing feeling!

2) I have the most amazing, supportive family! My kids might drive me nutts, but they are what my day revolves around! My dad might be a little demanding, but he can't help it with his MS. My mum might snap at others a little, but she is only human and very tired and over-worked! This whole new outlook has just made me try to be more understanding and patient - I don't manage it all the time, but I know that it is achievable!

3) I think I have met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with!! This is probably had the biggest impact on my happiness, if I'm honest!
I decided (with a little encouragement from my mum) to try out Classic FM Romance, to try and meet a nice man, seeing as I was well and truly over the Ex now. So, one evening I spent an age ticking all these boxes on the forms, placed a photo of myself (really hated that bit!) and the I uploaded it! I had interest from a couple of nice men, but nothing that seemed to instantly 'click' as the right person. Two days later and I log on to find that a man with the most gorgeous smile had sent me a message! We started to message on the site, then found each other on facebook and eventually exchanged phone numbers! Then I spoke to him on the phone! I know! Me, talking to a stranger on the phone, by choice!! Unheard of ;-) Then we were talking every night! He came to spend the night in a hotel near where I live. We went out to dinner and then to the cinema and it was just brilliant!
Then I went to see him for the weekend where he was working, but only ended up seeing him for an hour! He had booked me a hotel showing as being 6 miles away from where he was working, but it turned out that it had been calculated across the water! I was in fact 1 1/2 hours away! I still can't believe he got a taxi and came and surprised me for that hour - costing him £250!!! Crazy man ;-) I actually spent a beautiful weekend at Southend-on-Sea, exploring and having some 'me time'!
He has also met my kids and my mum and dad! The kids loved him, as he was on the floor being silly and playing with them! He even came with me to collect Little Man from school, which I hadn't expected him to do. My parents think he's great! He sat and spoke for a while with my dad and just loved my mum's cooking - all set the right impression, confirming for me that he is just amazing!
Since then he has been constantly working, but we still manage to message throughout the day and talk every night, unless one of us falls asleep ;-) I think that is one of the things I love the most about him, we talk! I never really had that with the Ex! We talk about everything! Religion, everyday things, family, past, future hopes and dreams, it's just brilliant!!
He is gorgeous, kind, caring and someone I can tell everything and anything to! He knows all about my depression and the fact that I can't work at the moment, and it doesn't bother him!
I told him I loved him the first night I met him in person and I truly meant it! He told me that he loved me too! We now tell each other how much we love each other, every single day! Oh, important information, his name is Michael and he is South African, so has a gorgeous accent too! I always knew I was going to fall for a tall, dark, handsome man ;-)
So, there we have it! My reasons for being happy!
I hope that in this hectic time of Christmas, you manage to find some time to sit back and look about you for your 'happiness' too!  xxx

Lots of things going on!

Oooh it's been a while again!
What with trying to sort my little life out with cleaning schedules, looking after my babies and then getting an awful tummy bug, I have managed to completely neglect my poor little blog!

There are so many things that have been going on lately!
At this precise moment, my kids are meeting their dads new girlfriend. I am praying that things will go ok and I won't get an evil monster come home tonight, because he's not happy. I am totally fine with all of this, which never ceases to amaze me! I'm actually happy that he's found 'THE ONE' which she apparently is, though they've only been together a couple of months at most. Unfortunately, The Ex told Little Man all about her a few weeks back, without me knowing anything about it! It is the first time in soooo long that I was actually livid! Poor Little Man was not ready for such a bomb shell to be dropped, without warning! So I actually screamed down the phone at The Ex! Not my finest moment, but I have been picking up the pieces from all the things that The Ex has done, and I got a load of backlash that I hadn't been prepared for! Any who, damage done, so I thought there was no point in holding off on things any longer. The new girlfriend wanted to have their first meeting at Little Man's birthday party at his dad's next weekend. I decided that it would be rather unfair to have his birthday overshadowed by such a big thing, so they are meeting today instead.

I have started to FLY again! If you don't know who the FLYlady is, you HAVE to check her out! I have started to try and get 2 routines sorted - morning and evening. After that, I've got some little cleaning routines started, but not got too far yet! I'm still working on getting together my control journal. I feel so much happier when I look around the house and don't see dirt and mess everywhere! Don't get me wrong, I still have very very long way to go before I'll have sorted out all of the house, but baby steps in the right direction sure do help!

I've finally started my latest therapy 'mentalisation'. It's my first group therapy and I'm already learning lots of things. I'm actually really happy that it's a group thing this time. Sharing experiences and learning from each other has been really good.

I'm trying another new thing with Little Man to try and help him with his frustrations and anger:

Not the best picture, but I felt really proud that I did all the pictures myself - I still need to work on some of my drawing skills, but it's a start!
I found the Wheel of Choice on one of my many, many trawls through bloggs and google searches, in an attempt to learn something to help me help my Little Man. I know most of the reasons for his bad behaviour are his age and that he's tired, but as his mum, I feel that I have to do whatever I can to help him. I think in a lot of ways I feel responsible for how he behaves. I feel that it's my fault if he's not managing his feelings very well, as I haven't taught him the right skills yet. I'm hoping that this might work! If not, then back to the drawing board ;-)

Well, that about sums it up for now!
Not going to leave it too long before my next entry!

Painting project - complete!

FINALLY! Little Miss has finally got her own bedroom!
Over half term, mum and I spent a few exhausting days (and nights) clearing, cleaning and decorating her little bedroom. I actually really enjoyed the process and have decided that painting is quite relaxing! I was on 'brush' duties - corners, edges and other bits and mum was on the roller. Unfortunately, we didn't realise how uneven the walls were, so I have to keep going round and touching up the gaps, but it looked soooo much better when we finally finished :-)

Here are a few piccies to show the progress:

BEFORE:

As you can see, it was quite a dump!
We the cleared and cleaned and got ready to paint.

All ready to paint!

We had a few mishaps! Mum managed to knock off her tray of white paint (that we used as first 2 coats) Luckily we had some old sheets down on the carpet! Unluckily, I managed to tread in the paint, resulting in lovely white feet, heehee!

I love the colour we picked out! It is just so fresh and girlie! It really helped to brighten up what was quite a dark room (it used to belong to my older brother, before he moved into his own place) 

It was a bit of a rush to get the furniture back in before Little Miss and Little Man got back from their dads, so I didn't quite finish on my own. Little man helped to place all of the finishing touches, and his dad helped me move the cot and hang a large picture on the wall. 

Very pleased with the end results:

AFTER: 

Both Little Man and Little Miss seemed to love the end results too!
Now, Little Man is working towards getting his own bedroom decorated, as I think he's a little jealous, bless him! He has to earn stars for being good at bedtime - something that can be very hit and miss! So far, he has earned a star for every night since he's been home, so it seems to be working as a great incentive for good behaviour ;-)
He has decided that he wants to have a rainbow, with sun, moon, stars, rain clouds, and probably a load more things that I can't remember! I have decided to enlist the help of one or a few of my arty friends to paint a mural on the largest wall in his room, as I don't think my skills would stretch that far, heehee!
Little Miss has been brilliant sleeping in her new bedroom, so YAY for that!
Oooh, that's also another 'Day Zero Project' completed, so double YAY! :-D

M is for me time!

I am having the BEST weekend so far!
Mum left yesterday afternoon to spend the weekend with some friends. The kids are spending the WHOLE weekend (well until 2.30 on Sunday) with their dad. So it's just me and my dad for the weekend!
I know it must sound awful, but I'm really enjoying having a bit of space and real time to myself! I have done loads of things on the Internet (mainly blogging and pinterest, heehee!), caught up on TV programmes I have recorded and just vegged on the sofa! Last night I had the extra bonus of a lovely long bubble bath before bed. Uninterrupted, as long as I wanted, it was bliss!
I got up at 11 this morning - bad I know! But for once, I didn't wake up feeling guilty that mum had been looking after the kids whilst I had been asleep! I'm on the road to recovery now with this latest depression 'melt-down', but I still feel guilty when I don't do everything I think I should be - especially when it comes to looking after my kids! I am feeling proud though, as I managed to do 3 out of the 4 morning school runs this week! I haven't managed that for ages, and it's made me feel so much better, plus taken pressure off of mum! (a big 'yay me' moment I think, heehee!)
I think that this is the first weekend since husband left me back in November, that I have not had the kids, or the guilt of being away and mum looking after them! I'm loving it!
I even made pancakes for our brunch this morning! I decided that me and dad deserved to have a treat, as everyone else is off having fun for the weekend! They were probably the best I've made to date, as I managed to cook them all without burning any, heehee! They were just yummy!
Here's hoping you're having a good weekend too!

Challenge 1: 'Keep nails painted for a month' completed :-D

Woohoo!
I just had to share, I have finally managed to complete my first challenge on the day zero project Painting nails.
I managed to keep my nails painted for a whole month, changing between the  following colours, depending on my mood at the time ;-)

No. 7 stay perfect nail  'Damson Dream

Revlon nail enamel, 240 'Impulsive'

Revlon nail enamel, 571 'Posh'

Revlon nail enamel, 570 'Vixen'

I had a bright pink colour, but that chipped off in less than a day, so it didn't make it onto the colour choices again. Also, the leather effect varnishes were soooo not for me, so again, no more of them!
I have really enjoyed this challenge so much that I think it's become a bit of an addiction, heehee!

I find taking the time to paint my nails really calming - something I could def do with in my chaotic life at the moment!

Only 100 more challenges to go ;-)
                             

Becoming a better mum

Where I have been so poorly lately, I have had time to take stock of the many, many, many things that I am not satisfied with in my life. (I am very good at this!)
I have started to look at key areas that I want to work at improving; my negative attitude, being a better mum, being a better wife, pulling my weight with household chores.
I am a great believer in learning from others. So I have signed up for a few different things to help me get started.

This post is about the start of my journey to becoming a better mum.

I have been doing lots of research and pinning tips on my 'kids: parenting tips' board on Pinterest (did I tell you I love Pinterest? Well, just in case I didn't, I love love LOVE Pinterest!)
I have been talking to friends and family, chatting about issues on Facebook etc. This has been really helpful and has also reassured me that I'm not alone! We are all facing similar things with our children and can support each other through each little difficulty!
From these great 'pools of knowledge' I have been trying a few things already:

Using 'listening ears'.
This works a lot better than asking Little Man things over and over and getting more and more annoyed when he doesn't respond! This tip came from Little Man's auntie and I am sooo grateful!
Now, when I want Little Man's attention, I ask him if he's got his Listening ears on (and sometimes we wait for him to turn them on :-) ) before I try and explain what I want him to do.
Yes, sometimes I still have to repeat myself, but I get a lot less stressed ;-)

A little attention is better than none!
A family friend pointed this out to me and it is so simple and works great!
As you know I struggle with ongoing depression and this can cause extreme fatigue and lack of motivation to do anything!
My friend pointed out that even though I can't do lots of thing with the kids, I can still do little things, even when I 'm curled on the sofa in my jammies! So simple, I couldn't believe I hadn't tried it before!
So now, Little Man and I have had great fun running cars all over my legs and the sofa; playing with his action figures, making music with whatever toys we can find at the time to bop, snuggling up watching movies or sharing books, all from the comfort of the sofa!
With Little Miss I can do lots of singing and rhymes with her sat on my lap. She adores rocking back and forth, so 'Row, row, row your boat' and 'See-saw' are firm favourites! I can also sit and hold her hands whilst she stands between my legs, usually rocking back and forth some more! It's even better when Little Man or mum join in the singing too ;-)
If I'm feeling a little better, or able to push myself, I play with the kids on the floor. We spend time doing puzzles or drawing, my favourites are playing with balloons, or our crazy dance sessions, - Little Man has some great moves ;-)
I'm also trying hard to play with Little Man in his play kitchen up in his bedroom when he asks. Today we made a 3 course meal for Tam the Tiger and Big white Bear! This included soup, followed by roasted toys and finally strawberries and custard!
So before when I would just say, 'I'm too tired / too ill to play' or 'Go and play with Grandad / Grannie / Daddy' I'm trying more and more to push myself and play little games myself! The best bit is I'm having fun too which helps improve my low mood :-)

The other thing I decided to do was to sign up for a parenting course over at Netmums

find details here

I'm now receiving e-mails with more great advice and tips to help me get better and better!
My 'homework' is to:
Try and praise everyone in my family; for the things they do and for just being themselves!
Create and complete a Kindness Chart. For this, we have to work together and look for all the kind and helpful things we are doing, and nominate each other to colour a section of the chart. When the chart is complete, we get a family treat! The thing that I really love about this idea is that it's about working together. There are no names on the chart, so it won't create competition or smug / defeated feelings.
My next e-mail on this course is discipline - the area I find the hardest to get right!

Next time I'll try and share the other web page I've joined up to, and how it's teaching me to Fly!

Things are on the up!

So, I have been quiet for a little bit again - well, not unusual for me ; ) but am finally starting to feel so much better about life and things in general!

On Monday I managed to get up early enough to go with Little man on a Pre-School trip to Beale Park! I was sooo proud of myself! We had a lovely time looking at the animals, then a train ride and a picnic finished the trip perfectly!
I seem to be managing, finally to get to sleep a lot earlier now : ) From falling asleep at any time from 4am - 7am to now around 2ish is fab! Which also allows me to get up earlier and be a 'proper mum' instead of having to rely on mum and hubby all the time. Fingers crossed this keeps on going, as I've had enough of insomnia now ; )

I finally managed to go to the weekly 'ladies what lunch' (with kiddies and babies too!) today - the first time in about 3 months!
It was sooo nice to catch up with my friends and see how much their kiddies have all grown! Also nice for Little man and Little Miss to play and have lots of cuddles!

I have decided that I am a 'Sun' person - I function better when the sun is shining! ; )
Everything seems possible now!
Maybe I'm the kind of person who needs the sun 365 days a year? - maybe I should try Australia / USA / Spain / (somewhere else hot!) 6 months of the year, then UK the other 6 months - I think I could cope with that ; )
I have been thinking for a little while that I have that seasonal dysfunction thingy S.A.D (plus the evil depression) as the winter months seem so much harder for me to cope with!
I'm seeing my doc on Friday, so might have a chat about it with her.

What else have I been up to?
Well, I managed to buy from one of the lovely crafty pages I follow on Facebook, some 'findings' towards my jewellery making project! I just need to save a bit more money for the wire / elastic and basic tools, then I can start creating : )
I am sooooo excited about this now! I am determined that my dream to own my own v v v small craft business is going to happen!! I can make lovely cards (though I need to have a massive sort through the resources and actually start making again!) I can make bags (still need a little more practise to give them an even more professional finish) and add jewellery, I think should make a good little lot of things to sell!

So there we go!
I'm one happy little person at the moment! : )

The Dummy Fairy

Little man had his first visit to the dentist last week and although he has lovely clean teeth, she did say that he needed to give up his dummies, as he was starting to get a slight over-bite.
I had been ready for this day, as from the day he was born, I wanted him to have a dummy instead of his thumb or fingers to comfort him, so that eventually he could give them up.
I sucked my thumb when I was little and it was the worst thing trying to stop. In the end I ended up with braces at the age of 10, with prongs in them to help me stop. This brace was followed by train-tracks and head gear, in total 3 years of pain and misery! Something I vowed I would never want my own children to go through.

Kindly the dentist and the dental nurse suggested that I try using the 'dummy fairy' which had worked well for their other clients over the years.
I had vaguely heard of the dummy fairy, but not really as much as the tooth fairy.
This made my little imagination spark and I started to create a little story about a boy who gets visited by the dummy fairy. I looked on google, to check if my idea had already been done and I didn't really find anything that I had been thinking about, so I got cracking!
I have just finished writing it!
Part of the story had a letter from the dummy fairy, so I have re-created it and added more colour to use with my little man tonight!

The next few nights will put the story into 'real life' with little man!
Think I'm going to need a lot of prayers for the difficult nights ahead, when little man says goodbye to his beloved 'dodo's'!
Wish us luck!

What a great week!

I'm starting to feel guilty that I haven't blogged for a while! Over the last week a lots of things have been going on!

Work is going much better and thanks to these brilliant little pills called Vitabiotics Immunace and garlic (odourless) that I have started taking to boost my immune system, I am feeling so so much better!
I have more energy, I can get up easier and earlier in the morning - so a much happier me all
together!

My boss offered me another shift at work to do pot washing on a Weds -  so I'll now be waitressing Sundays and Thursday and pot washer on Weds. I'm so grateful to have my job, especially as I love it!!

My gorgeous hubby bought me these, just because he felt like it!



Little man has been having loads of fun this week in his sand table thingy! He likes making castles and has come in nearly every day covered in wet sand with a huge beaming grin! We also made it to the park on his trike thingy, so am feeling a little bit better about my aims to do more things with him!

I have been out loads this weekend!!
On Friday we went out with hubby's friend from work and his Mrs. We went to Nandos for a yummy dinner and then onto the cinema. We watched Wrath of the Titans (which I though was quite good) whilst eating a tub of Ben and Jerry's - I was in heaven! I have now found that not only do I love the 'fisch food' flavour, the raspberry brownie flavour is amazing too!

Then we went round to Nanny's house yesterday to wish her a happy birthday. Little man had a whale of a time charging about with his older cousin, whilst I sat smiling and chatting to his baby cousin! It was really noisy, but really nice!

For a treat, we went to the pub where I worked with Grannie and Grandad and had a gorgeous family lunch! The staff were lovely, the food amazing - what more could you want??
In the evening, hubby and me went down the pub to meet some friends from my work. I spent most of the night in stitches, it was such a laugh! I haven't done anything like that in such a long time and it felt really good! I can get quite nervous at night time, am weary of everyone (I think I watch way too many crime TV shows!!) but I felt happy and safe, so can't wait to go out again soon!

Little man has also started to develop his helping and tidying skills this week:

Grannie helping Little man hoover the messy bits ;)

I got a little side tracked in the middle of writing this, as Little man wanted to do his play-doh and it looked so much fun I had to join in!!

in the Night Garden Play-Doh kit

my favourite bit!

Little man's favourite bit!

ok, so the colours have all blended, but we had great fun!!

The other thing this week,  was that the tax man gave ME some money!!!! £98, thank you very much!

We have decided to put it towards getting a really big trampoline for the garden, that we can all have fun on!!

This coming week is going to be busy preparing for my joint party on Saturday, when me and my best friend are turning the big 30! I can't wait!!!

I have just realised that this might sound like a load of 'reviews' but I don't do them, so everything I've mentioned is my own thoughts alone - I promise :)



Good times :)

It's been a brilliant week so far!
Now that I'm only working 2 shifts at work and am taking all of my extra pills to boost my immune system, I have more energy! I am not as tired and can get up and stay up much earlier (8.30 today, instead of 11 - 12!) So I'm feeling quite proud of myself :)
Just wanted to share some little man piccies from this week - having fun playing golf with daddy, a range of very silly moments (my little nutter!) and the his little obsession! He is obsessed with lining all his toys up at the moment - all have to be touching and in just the right place - hmmm... sounds like someone might have caught a bit of my OCD???

obviously wanted to get every last little morsel!

a new hat??

lining them all up

the latest thing to do with a cushion!?!

see how they're all touching - he's not even 3 yet, but so precise!

Had a brilliant day!

Aiden's childminder loved the card I made to celebrate the arrival of their new baby:

Then I managed to make my first card ready to sell for Valentine's Day:

I did my first shift back at work AND I managed to keep to my new goal of cutting down on chocolate, and managed to go completely without today :)

Small steps, to my continued recovery after loosing Pip. At least they are steps in the right direction :)
Can't wait to get back to crafting, hopefully tomorrow!

Am not doing too bad :)

So, I have just had a check up on the things that I would like to achieve this year and am already pleased with the start I have made :)

Me and hubby spent a day tackling our living room. We managed to achieve half of the room being completely stripped back, everything sorted, recycled or stored away properly. Little man now has even more storage space for toys (with the addition of a huge yellow tub that used to live in his bedroom)
Am planning to tackle the rest of the room tomorrow, whilst little man is spending the afternoon with nanny and grandad.
The other thing that I'm finding frustrating, is that I now seem obsessed with it looking really nice (the bit we have done) and can't stand it when post, toys etc start to find new homes in the middle of the floor, or on the coffee table. Must try and make sure that we ALL work on this together!!

The exercise plan has started really well too :)
I managed to do some jogging (on my brother's trampoline thingy that I'm borrowing) followed by some weights work - hubby has shown me which one to do so that I can tone and loose my 'bat-wing' arms - followed by a session on Wii Fit on Monday.
Today I managed another 'jog' followed by weights work and some stomach-crunches (can't do sit-ups yet, heehee!)

Might not sound like a lot to some of you, but if I think back to where I was this time last year - big achievements back then were getting up and dressed each day!

So, I'm taking time to recognise my achievements, however small they are, as no one else will always have the time to cheer-me-on, I'm going to start my own path to becoming a great self-motivated person ;) well, better than I am at the moment will do for a start ;)

HOORAY FOR EPIPHANIES!!

After a horrible night of hardly any sleep, followed by way too much sleep during the day, I had an epiphany moment whilst having my shower!!

I realized that the reason I was still not completely happy, was that I lack a 'real' purpose in life, or the motivation to do anything!
I have therefore hit on the idea of making a company to sell my crafty things and split the profit with 2 charities!

I am so happy, as I will now be doing what I love most (crafting) and because it's not just going to help me, I will have the motivation to get off my arse and get making!!!

Just had to share my WOOHOO moment :)

Yay me!

I'm really happy at the moment!
I have started the long awaited psychology and I'm doing really well! My first session was 1st Sept and my psychologist couldn't believe the difference in me!! When I went for assessment back in February, I was really bad, suicidal and in a dark, dark place! Now, she said that I am already doing loads of the things that they spend months of therapy teaching - and all on my own!! She kept asking 'how are you doing this?' and I have no idea!!
It is like an 'awakening' coming out from a big foggy bubble and things just starting to make sense again. I suppose I started to feel like this after the holiday - maybe having some quality time with family, away from all the stresses of home was just what I needed!
I'm now on a new journey, to learn skills and techniques to keep my 'mental melt downs' at bay, or deal with them if they occur! I'm discussing and learning how my thoughts, feelings, behaviour and physical reactions all interlink and affect each other, so by re-training one, it impacts on all of them! We're starting to look at my anxiety and triggers and then understanding the possibility of alternative views on situations - having more than one result for my endless 'what if... happens' questioning things, reassessing things. I'm LOVING it!!
Maybe I might train to become a psychologist or something... hmm... then again, not sure I could cope with all those people in pain and anguish.
Who knows what my future holds?
2 months ago that thought would have scared me to death, now it's like seeing a giant adventure, full of exciting possibilities. A new journey ahead that I'm so excited to travel!
To all you fellow sufferers of depression, or those who have to live and support a sufferer, remember life is for living. Bad days happen and that is ok, as tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start with all the potential to be so much better than today!
Loads of hugs to all who suffer!!
xxx

A real sigh of relief!

So it's been a few days since I last blogged and that is all because I have just been so busy!

Last Thursday, I had an interview for waitressing at a local pub and I got it!! Even though I have no experience what so ever!!! Finally someone was giving me the chance to show that I can work bloomin' hard if only I'm given the chance!!

My trial shift was on Monday and it didn't go quite as planned. Firstly, the deputy manager (in charge as the manager who interviewed me is on a course all week!) didn't have me down on the rosta!! They had a girl called Amy, who thankfully for me didn't turn up, so I was allowed to work and show I could do the job!!
I think maybe they just had the name mixed up and was told on Tues that I def have the job!!! I was so relieved and excited! All of those months trawling through Internet sites and newspapers, to then spend hours applying for jobs and sending my CV to people who would probably have another 60 other better qualified / more experienced candidates than me, to finally being employed!!!

I had thought about becoming a Betterware distributor as well, but there I think I bit off more than I could chew! I've now done 2 shifts at work, running round for 5 solid hours, loving every minute of it. However, I am also sporting 2 huge painful blisters, one on each foot! So the thought of havng to distribute 250 magazines up and down roads in my local area really didn't stand a chance!!

So now I'm absolutely shattered, sitting with special blister stickers that I found down the chemist , trying to think of a pair of shoes that I will be able to wear for my 5 hour shift tomorrow!!
I'm really happy that I have a job that I can do, then leave behind when I walk out of the door! It is exactly the kind of thing that I was looking for.

Next move, set up 'Bags 'n' Bitz' to sell my cards and bags - but I think I'll save that for a few more weeks / months, as money is really tight at the moment!! Roll on my first pay slip : )