Dear Little Man

Dear Little Man,
I cannot believe it, but you turned 5 yesterday! I don't know where that year has gone!

You opened your pressies after I finally managed to get you out of bed! I thought you would have run down the stairs like on Christmas day! Sienna had fun trying to help you open your pressies, even though you didn't really want help!
After school you and 10 of your friends went to an amazing bowling party, followed by food and this amazing cake:

made by my friend Wendy and her sister!
Auntie Charlotte, Uncles Chris, Owen, Grannie, Daddy and Nanny all came along too to help me! Plus some lovely mummies and daddies stayed and played too!
I think you had a great day; you were extremely excited, especially as one of your friends came home with us after school, so that we could take him to the party! You both loved sitting in the back of the car in the seat in the 'boot' on the way to the party!
You got loads of dinosaur themed pressies - your absolute favourite at the moment!
You now have another party on Saturday with daddy - you lucky thing!

I just have to share some of my favourite piccies from the last year!

 These show:
 'flying' on the trampoline, your first day in Reception Class (Fir, Turquoise group with Mrs S as your teacher), with Skye and Sienna's Christening, snuggles in bed, making smoothies for your homework, dressing up, silly faces, movie night, happy on the trampoline, with Uncle Chris on our visit to Wellington Country Park (a place you now LOVE!) fun on the trampoline with Auntie Charlotte on her Tuesday visits, Sports Day (Mrs S helping you!) and our first water fight in the garden :-)

It hasn't been the easiest of years for you, what with daddy leaving, me being really poorly and getting used to full school days, but you have done so so well, and I am so proud of the Little Man you have become! You try really hard with your all your work at school; your reading and writing has improved sooo much over the year, your colouring and drawing too! Numbers are still what you find easiest. Your teachers are really proud of you too!
You've made some lovely friends at school  and have already been to 3 birthday parties this summer, with another yet to go.

As I said before, you love dinosaurs, but also cars and playing games with Grandad. I love making marble runs with you in the living room and now thanks to Grannie and Grandad buying you an extra set, we can make the biggest run ever!

Now, as you've just gone to bed on the last day of term, we have the whole summer holiday to look forward to! Already planned are trips to Bucklebury Farm Park, Marwell Zoo, The Natural History Museum on London (to see the dinosaurs!) a 2 week holiday with me, Grannie, Grandad and Sienna in Wales, plus loads of trips to the Lakes, parks, etc. You're also going for your first proper swimming lessons - which I hope you'll really enjoy! Theme days, arty stuff, making, baking, exploring, play days with your friends and just relaxing are also in store!

I love you now and always,
Mummy
xxx

2014, my year for new beginnings

I have decided to delete my final thoughts for 2013, as it was very negative and I'm trying to focus more on my positives and plans for moving forward.

Very long story short, I am now headed for divorce. My husband left at the end of November and 10 days later started a new relationship.
After a few very stressful months where plans kept changing (don't ask!) we have finally settled on when he will have the kids and how much maintenance he will pay me a month.
I saw my solicitor today and hopefully, we should be able to have a reasonably straight forward divorce. The only problem is going to be finding the money to pay for it! (£1200!)

Anyway, putting this aside, a lot of good things have come out of this really sad change.
I have finally been diagnosed with aspects of bipolar disorder (I do the major depression, but never the manic 'happy happies') and have been given mood stabilisers on top of my normal anti-depressants, which have been working amazingly well! I have managed to bounce back from each little 'bump' over the past couple of months extremely fast - so fast that my health professionals can't quite believe it! I was released really quickly from the crisis team, then by my psych person at the mental health unit and now have a mental health social worker who is setting me up for psychological therapy. All  in less than 2 months - yay me!

With the help of my amazing friend Charlotte and her hubby, we have finally started to sort the chaos in out house! We have moved furniture around downstairs, and boxed everything not essential up (my mum is and major hoarder, so things have to be checked before they can go!) but already such an improvement!
Next job is to finally sort Little Miss's bedroom, so that she can move out of mine ;-)

I have managed to lose 2 stone in weight! (I think stress can work wonders, heehee!)
I am finally out of my maternity jeans, which I am so so proud of! My appetite has shrunk to a much better, healthier one - no more stuffing chocolates (except 'time of the month' when I just need!)
I walk Little Man to school and try to power-walk home - though I nearly slipped on my bum today, due to icy paths! heehee!
I'm trying to go for more walks, with the help of Charlotte again - one booked for tomorrow ;-)

We're having more 'family' meals round the kitchen table. This is something that we (mum and I) have really wanted to do for such a long time and finally, now the table is clearer, we can :-)
I think it's really nice to sit all together, with only music in the background (no TV during meals) and share our thoughts of the day. It also helps teach Little Man more table manners ;-)

I've decided to try the Day Zero Project (thanks to Jennifer's Little World!) as a way of sorting and organising my life, and focusing my plans for the next few years - you get 1001 days to complete 101 challenges!

Well, here's to a bright future for me and my kids!

Dear Little Man...

Dear little man,
Well, I can't believe it, but another year has flown by and you are now 4!
A lot of things have changed over this year, here are just a few highlights I can remember at the moment (my memory isn't as good as it was!)

You've had a brilliant year at Pied Piper Pre-school! I still can't believe you were there a whole year!
You've had lovely teachers helping you to grow and progress. Some of the favourite things I have enjoyed were watching you be a shepherd in the Nativity, going on school trips with you to see the lambs at Rushall Farm in the spring and Beale Park in the summer and watching you in Sports Day!
You made some lovely friends and went to your first birthday parties this summer for Ellie (ice skating) and Georgia (disco).
From what you tell me, your favourite things have been playing with the play doh, playing with the cars and train sets and playing in the garden.
We all had great fun with the play sacks that you bought home, but the best by far was when Benjamin Bear came to stay the weekend:

You and Benjamin after a long day!

playing dress-up

We've had lots of fun this year with mummy's friends - going to each other's houses every Weds for lunch and play session with Jack, Matilda and Sara. With a few outings to the Lakes and 4 Kingdoms

4 kingdoms - on the slide

saying hello to the animals 

Also going out or having fun with your other friends Rosie and Skye! We've had some fun in the garden, a swim session and lots of trips to the Lakes!

with daddy, Skye, Ems and Dave feeding the ducks

I guess the biggest change this year has been the arrival of your baby sister back in January. You are an amazing big brother and adore Sienna already!
You love playing with her, giving her cuddles and singing to her if she's crying.

when she was a new baby

at Skye's birthday

Also Unkie Sy got married and you were the page boy and daddy was one of the best men








It really has been a wonderful year!

Things are on the up!

So, I have been quiet for a little bit again - well, not unusual for me ; ) but am finally starting to feel so much better about life and things in general!

On Monday I managed to get up early enough to go with Little man on a Pre-School trip to Beale Park! I was sooo proud of myself! We had a lovely time looking at the animals, then a train ride and a picnic finished the trip perfectly!
I seem to be managing, finally to get to sleep a lot earlier now : ) From falling asleep at any time from 4am - 7am to now around 2ish is fab! Which also allows me to get up earlier and be a 'proper mum' instead of having to rely on mum and hubby all the time. Fingers crossed this keeps on going, as I've had enough of insomnia now ; )

I finally managed to go to the weekly 'ladies what lunch' (with kiddies and babies too!) today - the first time in about 3 months!
It was sooo nice to catch up with my friends and see how much their kiddies have all grown! Also nice for Little man and Little Miss to play and have lots of cuddles!

I have decided that I am a 'Sun' person - I function better when the sun is shining! ; )
Everything seems possible now!
Maybe I'm the kind of person who needs the sun 365 days a year? - maybe I should try Australia / USA / Spain / (somewhere else hot!) 6 months of the year, then UK the other 6 months - I think I could cope with that ; )
I have been thinking for a little while that I have that seasonal dysfunction thingy S.A.D (plus the evil depression) as the winter months seem so much harder for me to cope with!
I'm seeing my doc on Friday, so might have a chat about it with her.

What else have I been up to?
Well, I managed to buy from one of the lovely crafty pages I follow on Facebook, some 'findings' towards my jewellery making project! I just need to save a bit more money for the wire / elastic and basic tools, then I can start creating : )
I am sooooo excited about this now! I am determined that my dream to own my own v v v small craft business is going to happen!! I can make lovely cards (though I need to have a massive sort through the resources and actually start making again!) I can make bags (still need a little more practise to give them an even more professional finish) and add jewellery, I think should make a good little lot of things to sell!

So there we go!
I'm one happy little person at the moment! : )

See you later 20's!

I can't believe it, I am going to be 30 tomorrow!It doesn't seem that long ago that I was just finishing school and excited about the thought of going off to Uni and starting the big adventure that has been my 20's!
So many things have happened in the last decade (wow, it seems such a long time when I say it, a whole 10 years!!)

The achievements and good bits:
Completing my 4 year teaching degree (22)
Getting married to my gorgeous hubby (22)
Moving into our first little house (22)
Getting my teaching job (22) - it was a REALLY busy 6 months, heehee!
Giving birth to my amazing Little Man (27)
Getting Little Man Christened (28)
Setting up my own little crafting business (28/29)
Loads of lovely family holidays and outings
Numerous trips and laughs with friends
Beating some phobias - tattoo (for fear of needles), holding a Chilean rose tarantula, holding 2 snakes (though not at the same time, heehee!), completing an aerial assault course!
Finding a part time job and hours that I can manage, whilst still feeling valued and contributing to the family earnings.

The not so god bits:
The last of my grandparents passing away
Depression resurfacing
Having to leave the teaching profession
Having to sell our little home and move back in with my parents
 Loosing touch with some good friends from Uni, though not knowing why - as I repeatedly sent messages, but took the hint when I never got any replies!

So many changes! I can't believe how different I am from my 20 year old self!
I have absolutely no regrets and even the sad events have helped to shape and make me the person I am today.  I feel so much more content and confident in myself and my strengths, rather than someone who always focuses on the negatives!

If I could go back to offer some advice to my 20 year old self it would be to relax and stop stressing so much! That I can't control or plan everything. The future is forever changing and it's not scary, it's the path I'm supposed to travel, even if it's not where I thought I would end up!

I My best friend C and I are having a joint 30th party tomorrow and I'm so excited! We have been friends for about 23 years now, and we had a joint 18th party, (she's 6 days younger than me!)
I will make sure to add lots of piccies!!

So, see you later 20's, hello 30's!

What a great week!

I'm starting to feel guilty that I haven't blogged for a while! Over the last week a lots of things have been going on!

Work is going much better and thanks to these brilliant little pills called Vitabiotics Immunace and garlic (odourless) that I have started taking to boost my immune system, I am feeling so so much better!
I have more energy, I can get up easier and earlier in the morning - so a much happier me all
together!

My boss offered me another shift at work to do pot washing on a Weds -  so I'll now be waitressing Sundays and Thursday and pot washer on Weds. I'm so grateful to have my job, especially as I love it!!

My gorgeous hubby bought me these, just because he felt like it!



Little man has been having loads of fun this week in his sand table thingy! He likes making castles and has come in nearly every day covered in wet sand with a huge beaming grin! We also made it to the park on his trike thingy, so am feeling a little bit better about my aims to do more things with him!

I have been out loads this weekend!!
On Friday we went out with hubby's friend from work and his Mrs. We went to Nandos for a yummy dinner and then onto the cinema. We watched Wrath of the Titans (which I though was quite good) whilst eating a tub of Ben and Jerry's - I was in heaven! I have now found that not only do I love the 'fisch food' flavour, the raspberry brownie flavour is amazing too!

Then we went round to Nanny's house yesterday to wish her a happy birthday. Little man had a whale of a time charging about with his older cousin, whilst I sat smiling and chatting to his baby cousin! It was really noisy, but really nice!

For a treat, we went to the pub where I worked with Grannie and Grandad and had a gorgeous family lunch! The staff were lovely, the food amazing - what more could you want??
In the evening, hubby and me went down the pub to meet some friends from my work. I spent most of the night in stitches, it was such a laugh! I haven't done anything like that in such a long time and it felt really good! I can get quite nervous at night time, am weary of everyone (I think I watch way too many crime TV shows!!) but I felt happy and safe, so can't wait to go out again soon!

Little man has also started to develop his helping and tidying skills this week:

Grannie helping Little man hoover the messy bits ;)

I got a little side tracked in the middle of writing this, as Little man wanted to do his play-doh and it looked so much fun I had to join in!!

in the Night Garden Play-Doh kit

my favourite bit!

Little man's favourite bit!

ok, so the colours have all blended, but we had great fun!!

The other thing this week,  was that the tax man gave ME some money!!!! £98, thank you very much!

We have decided to put it towards getting a really big trampoline for the garden, that we can all have fun on!!

This coming week is going to be busy preparing for my joint party on Saturday, when me and my best friend are turning the big 30! I can't wait!!!

I have just realised that this might sound like a load of 'reviews' but I don't do them, so everything I've mentioned is my own thoughts alone - I promise :)



What a week!

Well, it has been a while since I blogged but with the week I've had I hope you can understand why!I started off with a huge mental melt down - I was back to sobbing and suicidal! I think my poor little body had had just about enough of illness after illness and being exhausted and tired all the time and just flipped an 'off' switch.
Unfortunately I couldn't see my own doctor, so saw another one who signed me off for a whole month!
My boss (already not happy with how much time I've had off for illnesses) wasn't going to be impressed - so anxiety kicked in as well, just to make it all so much worse!
My lovely deputy manager Dave (has similar depression problem) took me for coffee on Monday and really helped! Then I had loads of messages form friends at work, wanting to be there for me too - I felt soo lucky! I managed to turn myself right around again and am now waiting to go back to work!
I decided that it might be a good idea to cut down my hours. I would then be less tired and might be able to do something about making my cards and bags to sell!!

The other decision we made in light of my mental break down was that we really can't afford our lovely Honda CRV (we call her Rhonda!) anymore, big sob! £365 a month is just too much, so we went and looked for a new car today (hubby, mum and dad-in-law) and hubby is in love with a Vauxhall Insignia - which will now be ours on Tuesday! (£213 a month instead - so much better!)

It doesn't end there. oh no - have the excitement of going to the dog races tomorrow with all the family! I can't wait - as I think they are soo cute! I only ever bet a couple of quid per race, but I always have to pick by their names (have no idea about all the odds etc!) so that should be really good. Last time we went, I decided that when I'm older, I am going to enter the adoption programme and adopt a retired race dog :)

So, the week has gone from suicidal, despairing me, to hopeful, content me!
I wonder what next week will bring!?!

Have been really brave!

Me and little man went to visit a friend and her 'zoo' of pets on Wednesday - partly to have a good old chin-wag and catch up, as I haven't seen her in ages! Also to help me with some of my fears! Here are some piccies of how brave we were!

little man and Lisa

watching the hedgehog

looking at the spider!!

holding the small snake!

holding the lizard

little man and the tortoise

the big snake giving us a cuddle!

I held the big snake's head - very brave for me!!

Have had the best time!

I have just got back from one of those rare occasions since having little man - real ME time!
I went to visit his godmummy C in London and stayed the night. Only the second night I have spent away from him EVER!
C had organised a real 'girlie' day out and I wanted to have a surprise, so didn't have a clue what we were going to do - and it was BRILLIANT!
Firstly after having a gorgeous pizza in a little Italian near Oxford Circus (the only thing I was allowed to pay for!!), she took me for surprise number one. I had my first ever manicure! It was really nice to sit and be pampered for a change! She decided to get a pedicure instead as she loves having her feet massaged! I have a big thing about how horrible my feet are - unfortunately have these horrible warty things on my toe :( so was really happy that she chose a manicure for me! We went to London school of something-or-other, where because the people who do the treatments are students, they are loads cheaper! The girl who did my manicure was lovely and I managed to help her out by choosing to have my nails painted in a dark purple, which she needed to do as part of her course! C went for a gorgeous maroon / dark red!

my lovely nails!

Feeling absolutely amazing and chilled, we opted for a bit of retail therapy before heading back to her place to freshen up for the evening. I had a fab time window shopping, while C decided whether or not to spend £85 on a GORGEOUS pair of shoes she needed for a wedding she was going to. I was absolutely no help as thought they were fabulous, in the end, she chose not to have them - but we had fun all the same!

C's gorgeous toes!

In the evening, we set off for Somerset House - I had never heard of it and was really excited - couldn't wait to find out what we were going to do. We stopped to pick up supplies for a picnic on the way and ended up being a little late to meet her friend as the queue at Salisbury's snaked round the whole shop! (mind you it wasn't a huge shop - thank goodness!!)
Somerset house was hosting Film 4 events and we set up our blanket and had a lovely picnic and watched a very 'arty' Chinese film, which was brilliant!

Gorgeous setting for a picnic!

the best cinema I've ever been to!!

Unfortunately C had to leave 7.15 this morning for work, but it gave me some time to read my book and do a few jobs to help her out - even though I had had strict instructions not to do anything!

Came home to my yummy little man and hubby waiting for me at the station.

I loved my 'me' time but was also so glad to be home and get loads of cuddles and kisses from my two men!

Having a minor problem with my posts!! This happened in August - no idea how i managed to move it here!! woops!!

What a difference a day makes!

Today has been super busy but so much better than yesterday!
I had an interview at 9.30 - which I prob didn't get as she was going to let me know today and hasn't - oh well!
At 11 I had my first session of psychology and it was BRILLIANT! My psychologist couldn't believe how well I am doing! I am apparently doing loads of techniques (like allowing myself a 'crappy' day yesterday) and my positive outlook on things, and she said that usually these take loads of sessions to teach and even then some don't manage to get it, and I've started it all on my own!! I have no idea how or why but as am doing well, am not going to worry about it!
Then I went to visit my friend H who I haven't seen in AGES! She is going to be a granny in January - sooo exciting!
To end a brilliant day I had a surprise visit from another friend L, who I haven't seen in ages either and she gave me a cool gift of a cake called 'Herman' who is a 'living' sourdough cake that you take care of and gradually 'feed' (add ingredients) then you split it into 4, bake one yourself and give 3 to 3 friends and it caries on! I thought it was such a cute idea and am going to lovingly care for Herman for the next 2 weeks until I can make him into a lovely cake : )

Little man has had a nasty shock of a night! I was talking to Z his childminder about the problems we had yesterday with him not going to sleep until 9/10 because the side of the cot is off and he can get out. She suggested that we put a stair gate across the doorway to his room - so we did!! He went to be just after 7 and finally stopped yelling at 8.15! I popped in once around 7.30 to encourage him to sleep and make his bed again, and retrieve 'dodo' (his dummy that he had launched into the landing) and left him to it. I popped back in at 8.15, gave him a cuddle and tucked him into bed and haven't heard a peep since : )
I felt sooo mean just letting him yell, but everyone said that it will be worth it in the end!!

Tomorrow is the BIG wedding!! Hubby's brother is getting married and little man is going to be a page boy and hubby is going to ush! Am sooo excited!!
Pictures will follow : )

Been a great week!

What a busy week it's been!
I'm only going to mention the highlights, as have done so much!

Wednesday was brilliant - picnic at Snelsmore Common, which is somewhere I've never been, even though it's less than 20 minutes away!
It was gorgeous weather! We all sat and had our little picnic and little man and A's little boy played a nice game of kick the football and run after it (with help from K!)

A with M who is only 3 weeks from becomming a mummy!

K with the 2 boys :)

Then I have been majorly busy making bags for real clients!!
I made a huge beach bag for my mother-in-law

patch on one side

patch on the other side

Also had to alter the straps on the 'oranges and lemons' bag and sold it to a friend of my mums, who then also bought 3 of my cards! I have now started A's bag - finally!!
A very productive week all in all : )