Woohoo!
Finally, finally after months and months of having absolutely no clue what I'm doing with my life and where it's headed, I have now found my new 'purpose'!
A while back, ok, so it was probably at least 3 years ago, (she admits sheepishly!) I wrote a little story for Little Man all about the dummy fairy, to help him through the process of letting go of his dummies for good. In the end, he was too young for the story, but I had great fun writing him letters from his dummy fairy and giving him a certificate and gift, in exchange for him filling up the special bag with his dummies for the fairy to take away (find out more here.) I shared the story with a few close family members who really liked it, but then I pretty much forgot all about it.
Anywho, following a lovely catch-up lunch last weekend with my family, I have now decided to re-focus on the story and a few other 'extras' that I have thought of to try and make it into a little business. My godmother (mum's cousin) has been on and on at me to do something with the story since I wrote it, but now I think I am finally in the right place to do something about it! Soo excited!!
I'm trying to think of a good, catchy name for the business (any suggestions most welcome!) and then look out world, here I come, heehee!
So,keep your fingers crossed for me, that it all starts to come together very soon!
Showing posts with label new beginnings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new beginnings. Show all posts
Friday, 18 September 2015
Monday, 12 January 2015
Three Principles for 2015
I have been one of those people who try to make a little difference to the world, by signing petitions for things that I believe in. I guess I figure that my voice can help to make changes, even if they are only small things.
One of the groups that I am a member of is called Avaaz. They have had many, many petitions that I have added my name to, but this one that arrived in my in-box today, was a little different and I felt that it would be good to share.
It's called the Three Principles for 2015. I thought, as I haven't made any New Years resolutions, that this would be something that I could strive for this year instead.
Three Principles for 2015
Show Kindness and Respect: We will show kindness and respect towards ourselves and others whenever possible. And it's always possible, because everyone we meet is fighting a battle we may know nothing about.Strive for Wisdom: We will seek to be wise in our decisions, listening deeply to ourselves and others, and balancing our heads, hearts and intuitions in a harmony that feels right.Cultivate Gratitude: We will regularly reflect on what we're grateful for, because it brings perspective, dissolves negativity, and grounds us in what's most important.
I have also decided to keep trying to teach my kids these same values, as I think that they are important for all ages to try and live by.
If you like the idea, then follow the link (here) and sign up yourself.
One of the groups that I am a member of is called Avaaz. They have had many, many petitions that I have added my name to, but this one that arrived in my in-box today, was a little different and I felt that it would be good to share.
It's called the Three Principles for 2015. I thought, as I haven't made any New Years resolutions, that this would be something that I could strive for this year instead.
Three Principles for 2015
Show Kindness and Respect: We will show kindness and respect towards ourselves and others whenever possible. And it's always possible, because everyone we meet is fighting a battle we may know nothing about.Strive for Wisdom: We will seek to be wise in our decisions, listening deeply to ourselves and others, and balancing our heads, hearts and intuitions in a harmony that feels right.Cultivate Gratitude: We will regularly reflect on what we're grateful for, because it brings perspective, dissolves negativity, and grounds us in what's most important.
I have also decided to keep trying to teach my kids these same values, as I think that they are important for all ages to try and live by.
If you like the idea, then follow the link (here) and sign up yourself.
Tuesday, 16 December 2014
H is for Happy!
Well, hello my poor neglected little blog!
I am very sorry that I have not been here for quite a while now, but life has been just so hectic!
So, while I have a few quiet moments, actually to myself, I thought it was about time that I updated my latest news!
I know right?? I never thought I would be saying those words, so soon as this! But it's the truth!
There a few reasons for my new found happiness:
1) I am loving life and my place in it so much more now that I have placed my faith and trust in God. I pray more and try to stress less! I feel so loved and protected and it's just an amazing feeling!
2) I have the most amazing, supportive family! My kids might drive me nutts, but they are what my day revolves around! My dad might be a little demanding, but he can't help it with his MS. My mum might snap at others a little, but she is only human and very tired and over-worked! This whole new outlook has just made me try to be more understanding and patient - I don't manage it all the time, but I know that it is achievable!
3) I think I have met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with!! This is probably had the biggest impact on my happiness, if I'm honest!
I decided (with a little encouragement from my mum) to try out Classic FM Romance, to try and meet a nice man, seeing as I was well and truly over the Ex now. So, one evening I spent an age ticking all these boxes on the forms, placed a photo of myself (really hated that bit!) and the I uploaded it! I had interest from a couple of nice men, but nothing that seemed to instantly 'click' as the right person. Two days later and I log on to find that a man with the most gorgeous smile had sent me a message! We started to message on the site, then found each other on facebook and eventually exchanged phone numbers! Then I spoke to him on the phone! I know! Me, talking to a stranger on the phone, by choice!! Unheard of ;-) Then we were talking every night! He came to spend the night in a hotel near where I live. We went out to dinner and then to the cinema and it was just brilliant!
Then I went to see him for the weekend where he was working, but only ended up seeing him for an hour! He had booked me a hotel showing as being 6 miles away from where he was working, but it turned out that it had been calculated across the water! I was in fact 1 1/2 hours away! I still can't believe he got a taxi and came and surprised me for that hour - costing him £250!!! Crazy man ;-) I actually spent a beautiful weekend at Southend-on-Sea, exploring and having some 'me time'!
He has also met my kids and my mum and dad! The kids loved him, as he was on the floor being silly and playing with them! He even came with me to collect Little Man from school, which I hadn't expected him to do. My parents think he's great! He sat and spoke for a while with my dad and just loved my mum's cooking - all set the right impression, confirming for me that he is just amazing!
Since then he has been constantly working, but we still manage to message throughout the day and talk every night, unless one of us falls asleep ;-) I think that is one of the things I love the most about him, we talk! I never really had that with the Ex! We talk about everything! Religion, everyday things, family, past, future hopes and dreams, it's just brilliant!!
He is gorgeous, kind, caring and someone I can tell everything and anything to! He knows all about my depression and the fact that I can't work at the moment, and it doesn't bother him!
I told him I loved him the first night I met him in person and I truly meant it! He told me that he loved me too! We now tell each other how much we love each other, every single day! Oh, important information, his name is Michael and he is South African, so has a gorgeous accent too! I always knew I was going to fall for a tall, dark, handsome man ;-)
So, there we have it! My reasons for being happy!
I hope that in this hectic time of Christmas, you manage to find some time to sit back and look about you for your 'happiness' too! xxx
I am very sorry that I have not been here for quite a while now, but life has been just so hectic!
So, while I have a few quiet moments, actually to myself, I thought it was about time that I updated my latest news!
I AM HAPPY!!!
I know right?? I never thought I would be saying those words, so soon as this! But it's the truth!
There a few reasons for my new found happiness:
1) I am loving life and my place in it so much more now that I have placed my faith and trust in God. I pray more and try to stress less! I feel so loved and protected and it's just an amazing feeling!
2) I have the most amazing, supportive family! My kids might drive me nutts, but they are what my day revolves around! My dad might be a little demanding, but he can't help it with his MS. My mum might snap at others a little, but she is only human and very tired and over-worked! This whole new outlook has just made me try to be more understanding and patient - I don't manage it all the time, but I know that it is achievable!
3) I think I have met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with!! This is probably had the biggest impact on my happiness, if I'm honest!
I decided (with a little encouragement from my mum) to try out Classic FM Romance, to try and meet a nice man, seeing as I was well and truly over the Ex now. So, one evening I spent an age ticking all these boxes on the forms, placed a photo of myself (really hated that bit!) and the I uploaded it! I had interest from a couple of nice men, but nothing that seemed to instantly 'click' as the right person. Two days later and I log on to find that a man with the most gorgeous smile had sent me a message! We started to message on the site, then found each other on facebook and eventually exchanged phone numbers! Then I spoke to him on the phone! I know! Me, talking to a stranger on the phone, by choice!! Unheard of ;-) Then we were talking every night! He came to spend the night in a hotel near where I live. We went out to dinner and then to the cinema and it was just brilliant!
Then I went to see him for the weekend where he was working, but only ended up seeing him for an hour! He had booked me a hotel showing as being 6 miles away from where he was working, but it turned out that it had been calculated across the water! I was in fact 1 1/2 hours away! I still can't believe he got a taxi and came and surprised me for that hour - costing him £250!!! Crazy man ;-) I actually spent a beautiful weekend at Southend-on-Sea, exploring and having some 'me time'!
He has also met my kids and my mum and dad! The kids loved him, as he was on the floor being silly and playing with them! He even came with me to collect Little Man from school, which I hadn't expected him to do. My parents think he's great! He sat and spoke for a while with my dad and just loved my mum's cooking - all set the right impression, confirming for me that he is just amazing!
Since then he has been constantly working, but we still manage to message throughout the day and talk every night, unless one of us falls asleep ;-) I think that is one of the things I love the most about him, we talk! I never really had that with the Ex! We talk about everything! Religion, everyday things, family, past, future hopes and dreams, it's just brilliant!!
He is gorgeous, kind, caring and someone I can tell everything and anything to! He knows all about my depression and the fact that I can't work at the moment, and it doesn't bother him!
I told him I loved him the first night I met him in person and I truly meant it! He told me that he loved me too! We now tell each other how much we love each other, every single day! Oh, important information, his name is Michael and he is South African, so has a gorgeous accent too! I always knew I was going to fall for a tall, dark, handsome man ;-)
So, there we have it! My reasons for being happy!
I hope that in this hectic time of Christmas, you manage to find some time to sit back and look about you for your 'happiness' too! xxx
Sunday, 12 October 2014
This is me.
So, for yet another time in my life, I have hit rock-bottom. Not surprising since I have just had my divorce through, found out The Ex is engaged and now also has a baby on the way!
Things got so bad that my depression pinged and the kids have been staying with their dad (well more like his parents!) since last Thursday night when I fell apart. They are going to keep the kids with them until Thursday and I am so so grateful - flowers, choccies and beers will def be sent as a huge thank you!!
So now, I have finally got my butt out of bed and washed and dressed, I have decided that it is time to take a long hard look at myself; who am I? What do I want / need? etc. I think usually I start making these elaborate 'Plans' of what I'm going to do next and focus on next, without ever bothering to take a look at the starting point! Usually, my plans start really well, but then run out of steam pretty soon, (usually because I get ill again!) Maybe I expect too much of myself, and set unrealistic goals? Maybe I think of too many 'projects' and things I want to sort and change, giving me too much to cope with? Whatever the reason, I am now ready to face who I am. I'm also scared and a bit emotional (thanks depression!!) at what I think I am now!
Ok, no more putting it off....
This is me:
I am 32. I've not got a problem with age, thankfully! It's just a number. You know the old saying 'you're as old as you feel' well I can actually make that a bad thing! I can often feel about my actual age on a good day, but mostly I feel like I'm 85, tired and totally worn out!
I have 2 children. I'm a mum, a SAHM. I often think I am a rubbish mum. I don't have the energy or patience I want to have and think I need in order to be a good mum. I love my kids and they mean the world to me, but I need a break from them from time to time. This is the first real break I've had from my kids in term time, ever. I do my best, but it's not good enough at the moment, I always want to do more. My Little Man is still dealing with his dad leaving our home, but he's getting there. My Little Miss is finding her independence and just has so much energy that I can't keep up! I know I am blessed to have them, having suffered a miscarriage, but I feel like I'm letting them down at the moment.
I live with my parents. I am so blessed and grateful to have my amazing parents here, supporting me. My mum is amazing, especially by helping with the kids, but she too has reached breaking point. This break from the kids will benefit all of us really! Also, it will allow the guilt of putting even more pressure on my poor mum, where she has to do what I can't, to have a break too! Living at home is brilliant, but I often feel like I'm not a 'real mum' as I don't run the house, or make the decisions, for example, buying groceries or what we are going to have for dinner - all those little annoying things that 'normal' mums do, I don't. I think I've sat back and accepted that my mum makes the decisions - she does like to be in control of things, so I let her and just go with the flow. I want to have more of a say, to help out more and do more. In time I think I will.
I have some serious problems. Depression - it has been coming along and kicking me off balance now for the past 15 years and I hate it! I hate how every time I seem to finally be getting better something will happen and back my depression drags me, right back to the bottom of the spiral. Back into the darkness, where I have to claw my way up the slippery slope, back towards the light and a happier place. It is exhausting living in this cycle! A lot of the time, I just think, 'why bother, why not end it now?' but I'm too much of a coward to listen to that negative voice and actually act on it - thank God!
Self-harming. I have been attacking my skin since I was about 12 years old, when I got bullied. It is routine, it happens daily and can escalate when I'm doing really bad. It happens more when I'm stressed. I think it might be a bit of ocd, as any imperfection I see on my skin - spot, mark, pimple has to go. A doctor told me once that he thought I had something called 'dermatitis atrefacta' but it never really went anywhere. I can't stop it, I've tried. At the moment, I attack my chest, face and left arm, but occasionally my legs too. It sucks, as I know that each time I pick my skin, I am re-infecting it and so the cycle keeps going!
I am over weight. I hate this, but I have started to work on it. Since The Ex left, I have lost about 3 stone in weight (mostly due to stress!) I have tried to improve my diet and exercise more (eating better, cutting out diet pepsi, started kickboxing), but at the moment, I am emotionally eating and have become a couch potato!
I am unemployed and on benefits. I hate this so so much! I want to be able to provide for my family myself, but my health prevents me. I hate knowing that if only I was better now, then my new life could finally begin! I want to work so badly and I would do anything, absolutely any job, as long as it gave me a chance to earn 'my own' money, I would do it! But then I think, who would want to employ me, when there are hundreds of healthy, fit, reliable people out there also looking for a job? I desperately want to do something to help others - like voluntary work, but I'm scared. I'm scared that no one will want me. I'm scared of having any responsibility at all, in case I let them down.
I think I'm lonely. I am blessed with amazing friends and family, but since The Ex left me, there has been a hole in my heart. An ache that comes from losing who I thought was the love of my life. He's been part of my whole adult life, we had been together since I was 17 and he was my first real boyfriend! So I think lonely and heartbroken pretty much suit my situation!
Ok, it's not all doom and gloom! I do have a couple of things I do like about myself ;-)
I have cool eyes that change colour dramatically. Depending on my mood or what I'm wearing, my eyes change from bright blue, to greeny-blue to bluey-grey. Most of the time, I have a bluey-green colour, but very happy me is bright blue and the total opposite is bluey-grey! Thankfully, I don't often have bluey-grey coloured eyes!
I believe in God and am a Christian. I love Jesus and am trying to live my life in a way that reflects my beliefs. I am very early in my Christian journey, but for the first time in such a long time, knowing that God loves me and protects me, has made me a little less afraid of the world! I pray every night, and have a long list of friends and family who I ask God to give an extra special blessing to - it grows continually ;-) I go to Church as often as I can, usually when I am well enough to wake up early enough to make it! I am working towards my Confirmation in November and I am so excited! I have been reading the Bible and learning lots of new things, but I want to have a bigger Christian life than just reading and praying! I want to join the Christian community and help others and learn more about being a Christian!
I want to help others. I know there are many in this world who are in need, that I have more things than most; a home, food, clothes, family, friends so lots to be grateful for! Being on benefits, I feel morally wrong spending 'other people's' money on charities, even though I feel they deserve it! I have limited myself to putting spare change in charity boxes and spending £8 a year supporting the British Red Cross.
I also try to help by donating to charity shops. Every time we tidy and sort a room in the house, unwanted things are bagged and donated to one of the charity shops in town. The only things that are kept to sell are big items that belong to my mum! I'm not one for trying to squeeze every last penny out of my unwanted things, by selling them on Ebay or Facebook. If I don't want it and it can be of use to someone, then off to charity it goes!
Finally I am a big believer in trying to help change things in the world. I know I can't make a big difference, but if by signing my name to a petition I feel strongly about, or sending a letter to my local MP helps someone in the world, then sign away I do! I have a number of sites that I get sent petitions from Avaaz, Care2, SumOfUs and 38 Degrees. I can't believe some of the shocking things I have seen happening around the word! I hope that by signing and sharing these causes with others, then changes can start to happen and the lives of others get better!
I keep trying to improve myself. I read lots of amazing bloggs and follow lots of inspirational people on Pinterest and Facebook to learn new crafts, or parenting tips, or positive thinking! I google all kinds of things, but mostly methods to help me be a better mum. I have pages and pages on Pinterest of all the things I want to do - crafts, activities for my kids, places I want to visit, recipes I want to cook. I have my Day Zero Project to keep me going and trying new things. I may get knocked down for a bit, but I keep trying to get better, I haven't yet given up!
I think I am feeling a bit better since I began writing this post! I know I have some difficult things going on in my life at the moment, but there are also plenty of positives!
To summarise my dreadful waffle (sorry about that!)
I'm a 32 year old, stay at home mum of 2 children, who lives with her parents. I have severe depression and self harm, this makes it hard for me to work and so I'm unemployed and live off benefits. I have just come out of a relationship, so I'm feeling lonely and a bit heartbroken. I have hit rock bottom, but there are still things to be positive about! I am a Christian, who likes to help others and I have funky eyes that change colour ;-) I have more than most and just want to get better so I can earn my own money to support my family. I have a lot to give if I am brave enough to try, and I know that I will always keep trying to improve my life and others!
This is where I will be looking back to in 6 months time to see what has changed - hopefully quite a lot!
Things got so bad that my depression pinged and the kids have been staying with their dad (well more like his parents!) since last Thursday night when I fell apart. They are going to keep the kids with them until Thursday and I am so so grateful - flowers, choccies and beers will def be sent as a huge thank you!!
So now, I have finally got my butt out of bed and washed and dressed, I have decided that it is time to take a long hard look at myself; who am I? What do I want / need? etc. I think usually I start making these elaborate 'Plans' of what I'm going to do next and focus on next, without ever bothering to take a look at the starting point! Usually, my plans start really well, but then run out of steam pretty soon, (usually because I get ill again!) Maybe I expect too much of myself, and set unrealistic goals? Maybe I think of too many 'projects' and things I want to sort and change, giving me too much to cope with? Whatever the reason, I am now ready to face who I am. I'm also scared and a bit emotional (thanks depression!!) at what I think I am now!
Ok, no more putting it off....
This is me:
I am 32. I've not got a problem with age, thankfully! It's just a number. You know the old saying 'you're as old as you feel' well I can actually make that a bad thing! I can often feel about my actual age on a good day, but mostly I feel like I'm 85, tired and totally worn out!
I have 2 children. I'm a mum, a SAHM. I often think I am a rubbish mum. I don't have the energy or patience I want to have and think I need in order to be a good mum. I love my kids and they mean the world to me, but I need a break from them from time to time. This is the first real break I've had from my kids in term time, ever. I do my best, but it's not good enough at the moment, I always want to do more. My Little Man is still dealing with his dad leaving our home, but he's getting there. My Little Miss is finding her independence and just has so much energy that I can't keep up! I know I am blessed to have them, having suffered a miscarriage, but I feel like I'm letting them down at the moment.
I live with my parents. I am so blessed and grateful to have my amazing parents here, supporting me. My mum is amazing, especially by helping with the kids, but she too has reached breaking point. This break from the kids will benefit all of us really! Also, it will allow the guilt of putting even more pressure on my poor mum, where she has to do what I can't, to have a break too! Living at home is brilliant, but I often feel like I'm not a 'real mum' as I don't run the house, or make the decisions, for example, buying groceries or what we are going to have for dinner - all those little annoying things that 'normal' mums do, I don't. I think I've sat back and accepted that my mum makes the decisions - she does like to be in control of things, so I let her and just go with the flow. I want to have more of a say, to help out more and do more. In time I think I will.
I have some serious problems. Depression - it has been coming along and kicking me off balance now for the past 15 years and I hate it! I hate how every time I seem to finally be getting better something will happen and back my depression drags me, right back to the bottom of the spiral. Back into the darkness, where I have to claw my way up the slippery slope, back towards the light and a happier place. It is exhausting living in this cycle! A lot of the time, I just think, 'why bother, why not end it now?' but I'm too much of a coward to listen to that negative voice and actually act on it - thank God!
Self-harming. I have been attacking my skin since I was about 12 years old, when I got bullied. It is routine, it happens daily and can escalate when I'm doing really bad. It happens more when I'm stressed. I think it might be a bit of ocd, as any imperfection I see on my skin - spot, mark, pimple has to go. A doctor told me once that he thought I had something called 'dermatitis atrefacta' but it never really went anywhere. I can't stop it, I've tried. At the moment, I attack my chest, face and left arm, but occasionally my legs too. It sucks, as I know that each time I pick my skin, I am re-infecting it and so the cycle keeps going!
I am over weight. I hate this, but I have started to work on it. Since The Ex left, I have lost about 3 stone in weight (mostly due to stress!) I have tried to improve my diet and exercise more (eating better, cutting out diet pepsi, started kickboxing), but at the moment, I am emotionally eating and have become a couch potato!
I am unemployed and on benefits. I hate this so so much! I want to be able to provide for my family myself, but my health prevents me. I hate knowing that if only I was better now, then my new life could finally begin! I want to work so badly and I would do anything, absolutely any job, as long as it gave me a chance to earn 'my own' money, I would do it! But then I think, who would want to employ me, when there are hundreds of healthy, fit, reliable people out there also looking for a job? I desperately want to do something to help others - like voluntary work, but I'm scared. I'm scared that no one will want me. I'm scared of having any responsibility at all, in case I let them down.
I think I'm lonely. I am blessed with amazing friends and family, but since The Ex left me, there has been a hole in my heart. An ache that comes from losing who I thought was the love of my life. He's been part of my whole adult life, we had been together since I was 17 and he was my first real boyfriend! So I think lonely and heartbroken pretty much suit my situation!
Ok, it's not all doom and gloom! I do have a couple of things I do like about myself ;-)
I have cool eyes that change colour dramatically. Depending on my mood or what I'm wearing, my eyes change from bright blue, to greeny-blue to bluey-grey. Most of the time, I have a bluey-green colour, but very happy me is bright blue and the total opposite is bluey-grey! Thankfully, I don't often have bluey-grey coloured eyes!
I believe in God and am a Christian. I love Jesus and am trying to live my life in a way that reflects my beliefs. I am very early in my Christian journey, but for the first time in such a long time, knowing that God loves me and protects me, has made me a little less afraid of the world! I pray every night, and have a long list of friends and family who I ask God to give an extra special blessing to - it grows continually ;-) I go to Church as often as I can, usually when I am well enough to wake up early enough to make it! I am working towards my Confirmation in November and I am so excited! I have been reading the Bible and learning lots of new things, but I want to have a bigger Christian life than just reading and praying! I want to join the Christian community and help others and learn more about being a Christian!
I want to help others. I know there are many in this world who are in need, that I have more things than most; a home, food, clothes, family, friends so lots to be grateful for! Being on benefits, I feel morally wrong spending 'other people's' money on charities, even though I feel they deserve it! I have limited myself to putting spare change in charity boxes and spending £8 a year supporting the British Red Cross.
I also try to help by donating to charity shops. Every time we tidy and sort a room in the house, unwanted things are bagged and donated to one of the charity shops in town. The only things that are kept to sell are big items that belong to my mum! I'm not one for trying to squeeze every last penny out of my unwanted things, by selling them on Ebay or Facebook. If I don't want it and it can be of use to someone, then off to charity it goes!
Finally I am a big believer in trying to help change things in the world. I know I can't make a big difference, but if by signing my name to a petition I feel strongly about, or sending a letter to my local MP helps someone in the world, then sign away I do! I have a number of sites that I get sent petitions from Avaaz, Care2, SumOfUs and 38 Degrees. I can't believe some of the shocking things I have seen happening around the word! I hope that by signing and sharing these causes with others, then changes can start to happen and the lives of others get better!
I keep trying to improve myself. I read lots of amazing bloggs and follow lots of inspirational people on Pinterest and Facebook to learn new crafts, or parenting tips, or positive thinking! I google all kinds of things, but mostly methods to help me be a better mum. I have pages and pages on Pinterest of all the things I want to do - crafts, activities for my kids, places I want to visit, recipes I want to cook. I have my Day Zero Project to keep me going and trying new things. I may get knocked down for a bit, but I keep trying to get better, I haven't yet given up!
I think I am feeling a bit better since I began writing this post! I know I have some difficult things going on in my life at the moment, but there are also plenty of positives!
To summarise my dreadful waffle (sorry about that!)
I'm a 32 year old, stay at home mum of 2 children, who lives with her parents. I have severe depression and self harm, this makes it hard for me to work and so I'm unemployed and live off benefits. I have just come out of a relationship, so I'm feeling lonely and a bit heartbroken. I have hit rock bottom, but there are still things to be positive about! I am a Christian, who likes to help others and I have funky eyes that change colour ;-) I have more than most and just want to get better so I can earn my own money to support my family. I have a lot to give if I am brave enough to try, and I know that I will always keep trying to improve my life and others!
This is where I will be looking back to in 6 months time to see what has changed - hopefully quite a lot!
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
Becoming a better mum
Where I have been so poorly lately, I have had time to take stock of the many, many, many things that I am not satisfied with in my life. (I am very good at this!)
I have started to look at key areas that I want to work at improving; my negative attitude, being a better mum, being a better wife, pulling my weight with household chores.
I am a great believer in learning from others. So I have signed up for a few different things to help me get started.
This post is about the start of my journey to becoming a better mum.
I have been doing lots of research and pinning tips on my 'kids: parenting tips' board on Pinterest (did I tell you I love Pinterest? Well, just in case I didn't, I love love LOVE Pinterest!)
I have been talking to friends and family, chatting about issues on Facebook etc. This has been really helpful and has also reassured me that I'm not alone! We are all facing similar things with our children and can support each other through each little difficulty!
From these great 'pools of knowledge' I have been trying a few things already:
Using 'listening ears'.
This works a lot better than asking Little Man things over and over and getting more and more annoyed when he doesn't respond! This tip came from Little Man's auntie and I am sooo grateful!
Now, when I want Little Man's attention, I ask him if he's got his Listening ears on (and sometimes we wait for him to turn them on :-) ) before I try and explain what I want him to do.
Yes, sometimes I still have to repeat myself, but I get a lot less stressed ;-)
A little attention is better than none!
A family friend pointed this out to me and it is so simple and works great!
As you know I struggle with ongoing depression and this can cause extreme fatigue and lack of motivation to do anything!
My friend pointed out that even though I can't do lots of thing with the kids, I can still do little things, even when I 'm curled on the sofa in my jammies! So simple, I couldn't believe I hadn't tried it before!
So now, Little Man and I have had great fun running cars all over my legs and the sofa; playing with his action figures, making music with whatever toys we can find at the time to bop, snuggling up watching movies or sharing books, all from the comfort of the sofa!
With Little Miss I can do lots of singing and rhymes with her sat on my lap. She adores rocking back and forth, so 'Row, row, row your boat' and 'See-saw' are firm favourites! I can also sit and hold her hands whilst she stands between my legs, usually rocking back and forth some more! It's even better when Little Man or mum join in the singing too ;-)
If I'm feeling a little better, or able to push myself, I play with the kids on the floor. We spend time doing puzzles or drawing, my favourites are playing with balloons, or our crazy dance sessions, - Little Man has some great moves ;-)
I'm also trying hard to play with Little Man in his play kitchen up in his bedroom when he asks. Today we made a 3 course meal for Tam the Tiger and Big white Bear! This included soup, followed by roasted toys and finally strawberries and custard!
So before when I would just say, 'I'm too tired / too ill to play' or 'Go and play with Grandad / Grannie / Daddy' I'm trying more and more to push myself and play little games myself! The best bit is I'm having fun too which helps improve my low mood :-)
The other thing I decided to do was to sign up for a parenting course over at Netmums
I'm now receiving e-mails with more great advice and tips to help me get better and better!
My 'homework' is to:
Try and praise everyone in my family; for the things they do and for just being themselves!
Create and complete a Kindness Chart. For this, we have to work together and look for all the kind and helpful things we are doing, and nominate each other to colour a section of the chart. When the chart is complete, we get a family treat! The thing that I really love about this idea is that it's about working together. There are no names on the chart, so it won't create competition or smug / defeated feelings.
My next e-mail on this course is discipline - the area I find the hardest to get right!
Next time I'll try and share the other web page I've joined up to, and how it's teaching me to Fly!
I have started to look at key areas that I want to work at improving; my negative attitude, being a better mum, being a better wife, pulling my weight with household chores.
I am a great believer in learning from others. So I have signed up for a few different things to help me get started.
This post is about the start of my journey to becoming a better mum.
I have been doing lots of research and pinning tips on my 'kids: parenting tips' board on Pinterest (did I tell you I love Pinterest? Well, just in case I didn't, I love love LOVE Pinterest!)
I have been talking to friends and family, chatting about issues on Facebook etc. This has been really helpful and has also reassured me that I'm not alone! We are all facing similar things with our children and can support each other through each little difficulty!
From these great 'pools of knowledge' I have been trying a few things already:
Using 'listening ears'.
This works a lot better than asking Little Man things over and over and getting more and more annoyed when he doesn't respond! This tip came from Little Man's auntie and I am sooo grateful!
Now, when I want Little Man's attention, I ask him if he's got his Listening ears on (and sometimes we wait for him to turn them on :-) ) before I try and explain what I want him to do.
Yes, sometimes I still have to repeat myself, but I get a lot less stressed ;-)
A little attention is better than none!
A family friend pointed this out to me and it is so simple and works great!
As you know I struggle with ongoing depression and this can cause extreme fatigue and lack of motivation to do anything!
My friend pointed out that even though I can't do lots of thing with the kids, I can still do little things, even when I 'm curled on the sofa in my jammies! So simple, I couldn't believe I hadn't tried it before!
So now, Little Man and I have had great fun running cars all over my legs and the sofa; playing with his action figures, making music with whatever toys we can find at the time to bop, snuggling up watching movies or sharing books, all from the comfort of the sofa!
With Little Miss I can do lots of singing and rhymes with her sat on my lap. She adores rocking back and forth, so 'Row, row, row your boat' and 'See-saw' are firm favourites! I can also sit and hold her hands whilst she stands between my legs, usually rocking back and forth some more! It's even better when Little Man or mum join in the singing too ;-)
If I'm feeling a little better, or able to push myself, I play with the kids on the floor. We spend time doing puzzles or drawing, my favourites are playing with balloons, or our crazy dance sessions, - Little Man has some great moves ;-)
I'm also trying hard to play with Little Man in his play kitchen up in his bedroom when he asks. Today we made a 3 course meal for Tam the Tiger and Big white Bear! This included soup, followed by roasted toys and finally strawberries and custard!
So before when I would just say, 'I'm too tired / too ill to play' or 'Go and play with Grandad / Grannie / Daddy' I'm trying more and more to push myself and play little games myself! The best bit is I'm having fun too which helps improve my low mood :-)
The other thing I decided to do was to sign up for a parenting course over at Netmums
 |
| find details here |
I'm now receiving e-mails with more great advice and tips to help me get better and better!
My 'homework' is to:
Try and praise everyone in my family; for the things they do and for just being themselves!
Create and complete a Kindness Chart. For this, we have to work together and look for all the kind and helpful things we are doing, and nominate each other to colour a section of the chart. When the chart is complete, we get a family treat! The thing that I really love about this idea is that it's about working together. There are no names on the chart, so it won't create competition or smug / defeated feelings.
My next e-mail on this course is discipline - the area I find the hardest to get right!
Next time I'll try and share the other web page I've joined up to, and how it's teaching me to Fly!
Wednesday, 3 July 2013
Right, the time has come - weight loss is on!!
So, I have been having lots of time to think about things - my life, plans etc and I have decided that today is the day - stage 'lose weight and get fit' is starting!!
Mum and I have just calculated our BMI (never ever want to do that again!!) and unsurprisingly we both come out v v v overweight!
From looking at the charts and trying my best (maths has never been a strong point for me, heehee!) I've worked out that we both need to lose about 7 stone to get down to our ideal weights! My ideal weight for my height is about 12 stone!
Now, at the moment that goal weight seems impossible! However, with trying to take small steps and lose a little each week, I am determined that it will be achievable!
We have just downloaded the NHS 12 week plan to help us get started - I am going to be a good girl and try and update my progress on here every week!
I am going to be v honest and hopefully that will keep me on track - I can't stand being this big anymore!
So here we go!
Weight = 19 stone 0 (120.7kg)
Height = 5ft 8 (172.7cm)
BMI = 40.47
Thoughts and Feeling: ARGH!!!!!
At the moment, I just need to remember that the last 6 months have been really hard with depression etc - leading to me not doing v much of anything + major comfort eating of v v v bad food ; )
So tomorrow is a new day, a new chapter and I am ready for it!
Wish us luck!!!
Mum and I have just calculated our BMI (never ever want to do that again!!) and unsurprisingly we both come out v v v overweight!
From looking at the charts and trying my best (maths has never been a strong point for me, heehee!) I've worked out that we both need to lose about 7 stone to get down to our ideal weights! My ideal weight for my height is about 12 stone!
Now, at the moment that goal weight seems impossible! However, with trying to take small steps and lose a little each week, I am determined that it will be achievable!
We have just downloaded the NHS 12 week plan to help us get started - I am going to be a good girl and try and update my progress on here every week!
I am going to be v honest and hopefully that will keep me on track - I can't stand being this big anymore!
So here we go!
Week 1
Stats:Weight = 19 stone 0 (120.7kg)
Height = 5ft 8 (172.7cm)
BMI = 40.47
Thoughts and Feeling: ARGH!!!!!
At the moment, I just need to remember that the last 6 months have been really hard with depression etc - leading to me not doing v much of anything + major comfort eating of v v v bad food ; )
So tomorrow is a new day, a new chapter and I am ready for it!
Wish us luck!!!
Sunday, 3 March 2013
Plan of all plans!
Right, I have had a serious talk with myself - I do that quite a lot ; ) and I have decided that this is the day that everything needs to start!
I have great lists of my plans and never managed to get round to actually doing them (due to illness, depression being pants, being too tired etc etc!) but the time has come for a BIG change in attitude!
This is really important for me at the moment, as I feel that I am lacking focus and purpose in my life, and if I ever want to get back to doing part time work, I need to start getting things started!
It is also prompted by the unfortunate event that happened to Dean and I yesterday!
We decided to pop to Newbury for a few bits, when horror of all horrors, we were stood at the checkout in 'The Works' (I LOVE this shop!!) and Dean's card got refused, then mine did as well!! It was sooo embarrassing! I had to riffle through my wallet - no notes! Dean didn't have any either! Luckily we had just enough coins to cover the payment! When we then checked at the cashpoint (I was sure we had money, as I had checked my mobile for the latest message-update from the bank the previous evening), we were over our overdraft limit!! We then realised that we didn't have enough money to pay for the car parking ticket!! So, stranded in Newbury, with Sienna fast approaching the time for her next feed (which we didn't have) I started to have a mini panic! Luckily I thought to ring mum who transferred some money so we could get home! (I love internet banking even more now!)
When we got home we realised that our bank charges had taken us over our limit : ( so we spent last night sorting through finances (money manager is AMAZING !!) Hopefully we won't be having anymore money dramas next month!
So, today, I am finally going to get myself sorted.
Firstly, I am going to get my whiteboard fixed to the wall (we went and borrowed father-in-law's on way home last night!) so that I can get organising ; )
I am also going to make a page and track my progress, so that if I forget or start slipping back into old bad habits, I can be reminded each time I check my blog!
Wish me luck - I am going to need it! ; )
I have great lists of my plans and never managed to get round to actually doing them (due to illness, depression being pants, being too tired etc etc!) but the time has come for a BIG change in attitude!
This is really important for me at the moment, as I feel that I am lacking focus and purpose in my life, and if I ever want to get back to doing part time work, I need to start getting things started!
It is also prompted by the unfortunate event that happened to Dean and I yesterday!
We decided to pop to Newbury for a few bits, when horror of all horrors, we were stood at the checkout in 'The Works' (I LOVE this shop!!) and Dean's card got refused, then mine did as well!! It was sooo embarrassing! I had to riffle through my wallet - no notes! Dean didn't have any either! Luckily we had just enough coins to cover the payment! When we then checked at the cashpoint (I was sure we had money, as I had checked my mobile for the latest message-update from the bank the previous evening), we were over our overdraft limit!! We then realised that we didn't have enough money to pay for the car parking ticket!! So, stranded in Newbury, with Sienna fast approaching the time for her next feed (which we didn't have) I started to have a mini panic! Luckily I thought to ring mum who transferred some money so we could get home! (I love internet banking even more now!)
When we got home we realised that our bank charges had taken us over our limit : ( so we spent last night sorting through finances (money manager is AMAZING !!) Hopefully we won't be having anymore money dramas next month!
So, today, I am finally going to get myself sorted.
Firstly, I am going to get my whiteboard fixed to the wall (we went and borrowed father-in-law's on way home last night!) so that I can get organising ; )
I am also going to make a page and track my progress, so that if I forget or start slipping back into old bad habits, I can be reminded each time I check my blog!
Wish me luck - I am going to need it! ; )
Friday, 8 February 2013
What a difference a day makes!
Last night was another nightmare with Sienna. I didn't manage to do any of the feeds, mum did the 2 am one and hubby the 5.30 am one. I just lay on the bed sobbing and wishing that I was dead.
That's the worst thing about depression, the guilt. I feel terrible that I have to rely on family to do the things that I should be doing. I should be able to feed Sienna at any time, day or night. Every time I mention these feelings to mum and hubby, they just shrug it off. I don't think they really understand how bad it makes me feel, to be so useless and such a burden to everyone!
Add to this, my horrible dreams have started to resurface again, I am once again haunted by my 'man in black'. He is the manifestation of my depression. A seemingly gorgeous, loving ex-boyfriend, who realises he has made a mistake and is sorry and wants me back. He professes everlasting love for all bystanders to see, but only I know that under that facade lurks an evil that wants to destroy me completely. So far, he has thrown me down stairs, pushed me out of a third storey window, hit and punched me, stabbed me and shot me in numerous dreams over the years. Only when I am starting to gain control of my depression again, do I manage to stand up to him and occasionally kick his arse!
Well, as of this afternoon, there's going to be a change in my dreams, it's time for me to kick arse again!
My hubby is amazing and after crying last night that I never do anything and that my existence is pointless, he only went and booked cinema tickets for me and mum to go and watch Les Miserable this afternoon (not his cup of tea, else I'm sure he would have come with me instead).
It was so brilliant and had the same effect that watching Eat, Love, Pray starting Julia Roberts had on me, funnily enough at another time when my depression was bad! It has just given me perspective and made everything seem so clear.
I am going to fight harder and not give up! I have made new plans that I want to achieve this year. I have decided that I want to learn to sew properly (to make clothes for me and my family) and to find a rewarding volunteer job, that would boost my rock-bottom self-esteem. At the moment, the idea of being responsible for anything fills me with dread - I don't think I will be any good at any job out there.
It doesn't help either, that every winter I get so ill (one bug after another, even with the flu jab!) that my depression goes 'ping' and I spiral into more illness. I then end up having so much time off work, that I know people see me as unreliable and probably wish they had never hired me. I hate letting people down all the time.
It also leaves me thinking that if I were to start looking for paid work again, who would want me? I wouldn't want to have someone working for me who is unreliable.Who has such a rubbish immune system, that they catch every bug and then are unable to tell you if they are going to be back at work in a day or a week, as their depression has kicked off as well.
I think I need some professional advice. Will have to get googling! Or, if you have any ideas, please share!
I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing, but I hope that watching Les Mis is the turning point I have been looking for.
That's the worst thing about depression, the guilt. I feel terrible that I have to rely on family to do the things that I should be doing. I should be able to feed Sienna at any time, day or night. Every time I mention these feelings to mum and hubby, they just shrug it off. I don't think they really understand how bad it makes me feel, to be so useless and such a burden to everyone!
Add to this, my horrible dreams have started to resurface again, I am once again haunted by my 'man in black'. He is the manifestation of my depression. A seemingly gorgeous, loving ex-boyfriend, who realises he has made a mistake and is sorry and wants me back. He professes everlasting love for all bystanders to see, but only I know that under that facade lurks an evil that wants to destroy me completely. So far, he has thrown me down stairs, pushed me out of a third storey window, hit and punched me, stabbed me and shot me in numerous dreams over the years. Only when I am starting to gain control of my depression again, do I manage to stand up to him and occasionally kick his arse!
Well, as of this afternoon, there's going to be a change in my dreams, it's time for me to kick arse again!
My hubby is amazing and after crying last night that I never do anything and that my existence is pointless, he only went and booked cinema tickets for me and mum to go and watch Les Miserable this afternoon (not his cup of tea, else I'm sure he would have come with me instead).
It was so brilliant and had the same effect that watching Eat, Love, Pray starting Julia Roberts had on me, funnily enough at another time when my depression was bad! It has just given me perspective and made everything seem so clear.
I am going to fight harder and not give up! I have made new plans that I want to achieve this year. I have decided that I want to learn to sew properly (to make clothes for me and my family) and to find a rewarding volunteer job, that would boost my rock-bottom self-esteem. At the moment, the idea of being responsible for anything fills me with dread - I don't think I will be any good at any job out there.
It doesn't help either, that every winter I get so ill (one bug after another, even with the flu jab!) that my depression goes 'ping' and I spiral into more illness. I then end up having so much time off work, that I know people see me as unreliable and probably wish they had never hired me. I hate letting people down all the time.
It also leaves me thinking that if I were to start looking for paid work again, who would want me? I wouldn't want to have someone working for me who is unreliable.Who has such a rubbish immune system, that they catch every bug and then are unable to tell you if they are going to be back at work in a day or a week, as their depression has kicked off as well.
I think I need some professional advice. Will have to get googling! Or, if you have any ideas, please share!
I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing, but I hope that watching Les Mis is the turning point I have been looking for.
Friday, 6 April 2012
See you later 20's!
I can't believe it, I am going to be 30 tomorrow!It doesn't seem that long ago that I was just finishing school and excited about the thought of going off to Uni and starting the big adventure that has been my 20's!
So many things have happened in the last decade (wow, it seems such a long time when I say it, a whole 10 years!!)
The achievements and good bits:
Completing my 4 year teaching degree (22)
Getting married to my gorgeous hubby (22)
Moving into our first little house (22)
Getting my teaching job (22) - it was a REALLY busy 6 months, heehee!
Giving birth to my amazing Little Man (27)
Getting Little Man Christened (28)
Setting up my own little crafting business (28/29)
Loads of lovely family holidays and outings
Numerous trips and laughs with friends
Beating some phobias - tattoo (for fear of needles), holding a Chilean rose tarantula, holding 2 snakes (though not at the same time, heehee!), completing an aerial assault course!
Finding a part time job and hours that I can manage, whilst still feeling valued and contributing to the family earnings.
The not so god bits:
The last of my grandparents passing away
Depression resurfacing
Having to leave the teaching profession
Having to sell our little home and move back in with my parents
Loosing touch with some good friends from Uni, though not knowing why - as I repeatedly sent messages, but took the hint when I never got any replies!
So many changes! I can't believe how different I am from my 20 year old self!
I have absolutely no regrets and even the sad events have helped to shape and make me the person I am today. I feel so much more content and confident in myself and my strengths, rather than someone who always focuses on the negatives!
If I could go back to offer some advice to my 20 year old self it would be to relax and stop stressing so much! That I can't control or plan everything. The future is forever changing and it's not scary, it's the path I'm supposed to travel, even if it's not where I thought I would end up!
I My best friend C and I are having a joint 30th party tomorrow and I'm so excited! We have been friends for about 23 years now, and we had a joint 18th party, (she's 6 days younger than me!)
I will make sure to add lots of piccies!!
So, see you later 20's, hello 30's!
So many things have happened in the last decade (wow, it seems such a long time when I say it, a whole 10 years!!)
The achievements and good bits:
Completing my 4 year teaching degree (22)
Getting married to my gorgeous hubby (22)
Moving into our first little house (22)
Getting my teaching job (22) - it was a REALLY busy 6 months, heehee!
Giving birth to my amazing Little Man (27)
Getting Little Man Christened (28)
Setting up my own little crafting business (28/29)
Loads of lovely family holidays and outings
Numerous trips and laughs with friends
Beating some phobias - tattoo (for fear of needles), holding a Chilean rose tarantula, holding 2 snakes (though not at the same time, heehee!), completing an aerial assault course!
Finding a part time job and hours that I can manage, whilst still feeling valued and contributing to the family earnings.
The not so god bits:
The last of my grandparents passing away
Depression resurfacing
Having to leave the teaching profession
Having to sell our little home and move back in with my parents
Loosing touch with some good friends from Uni, though not knowing why - as I repeatedly sent messages, but took the hint when I never got any replies!
So many changes! I can't believe how different I am from my 20 year old self!
I have absolutely no regrets and even the sad events have helped to shape and make me the person I am today. I feel so much more content and confident in myself and my strengths, rather than someone who always focuses on the negatives!
If I could go back to offer some advice to my 20 year old self it would be to relax and stop stressing so much! That I can't control or plan everything. The future is forever changing and it's not scary, it's the path I'm supposed to travel, even if it's not where I thought I would end up!
I My best friend C and I are having a joint 30th party tomorrow and I'm so excited! We have been friends for about 23 years now, and we had a joint 18th party, (she's 6 days younger than me!)
I will make sure to add lots of piccies!!
So, see you later 20's, hello 30's!
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
This is my life, I can handle it
So, last time I blogged I pledged a load of great things, unfortunately, I have not managed to put a lot of them into action - ok, none of them have happened!The reason for this is as ever, (with me!) I have been bombarded with illness after illness! Currently I am almost over an ear infection with an evil chesty cough and head cold thrown in for good measure!
I have no understanding as to why it always seems to be and my little man (he has the evil cough too - off to doc tomorrow) that seem to get everything thrown at us all of the time? Or we manage to get over one illness, only to be whacked down with the next one!
I read a quote posted on a friends facebook page that said 'you were given this life because you were strong enough to live it' (unknown author) it really got me thinking!
I have also started my reading quest and have just finished 'Pilgrims Progress' by John Bunyan. It was extremely challenging, but I found it really spiritually uplifting.
Put these together, and I have come to accept that this is the life I am supposed to live, because I am the only one who can handle it!
So now, my constant ill health seems like one of the many small challenges I am going to face and deal with in this wonderful weird life that is mine, because I will overcome each and every one that is placed in my way.
I feel so much stronger and happier today. I have found my faith and am grateful for the life I live.
I now just want to make more of an effort to keep my pledges and become the best mum / wife / daughter / friend I can.
I have no understanding as to why it always seems to be and my little man (he has the evil cough too - off to doc tomorrow) that seem to get everything thrown at us all of the time? Or we manage to get over one illness, only to be whacked down with the next one!
I read a quote posted on a friends facebook page that said 'you were given this life because you were strong enough to live it' (unknown author) it really got me thinking!
I have also started my reading quest and have just finished 'Pilgrims Progress' by John Bunyan. It was extremely challenging, but I found it really spiritually uplifting.
Put these together, and I have come to accept that this is the life I am supposed to live, because I am the only one who can handle it!
So now, my constant ill health seems like one of the many small challenges I am going to face and deal with in this wonderful weird life that is mine, because I will overcome each and every one that is placed in my way.
I feel so much stronger and happier today. I have found my faith and am grateful for the life I live.
I now just want to make more of an effort to keep my pledges and become the best mum / wife / daughter / friend I can.
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
Feeling totally inspired and hopeful
I just finished watching the most amazingly inspiring film I have seen in absolutely ages 'eat prayer love' starring Julia Roberts. She is on a journey of self discovery following a divorce and I know that it sounds weird, but I kind of feel that I'm trying to do the same.
In the film, her character spends 4 months eating in Italy, then travels onto India to find inner peace and God, finally ending in Bali, where she finds love again.
I think that loosing Pip has meant that I've felt lost and unsure - ok, it probably goes way back before then, but maybe this is like the pivotal point in my journey now. I can see clearly the stage I'm in - eating! (I don't seem to be able to stop eating, all foods, especially those that are really bad for me!) So compared to the film, I'm at the Italy stage.
I want to find inner peace and become a more spiritual, contented person (India stage).
I believe in God, but I'm not sure where I fit in with everything else. I wish I could find a symbol to represent my spirituality, as although I wear a cross at the moment, it doesn't fully represent how I feel. Maybe I should be looking at exploring a range of faiths and see if anything fits how I feel. I like the thought of meditation, but lack the focus. I think this is where I need to start my own journey.
The way I see it, at the moment I am filling the void left by Pip with food. When I have finished I want to find myself again. In the film, they have a conversation about describing yourself as a word - not 'what you do' (so 'crafter' wouldn't work) I think at the moment 2 words sum me up, 'lost' and 'searching'. I don't want to keep going on through the rest of my life always up and down with depression and the madness that is the world we live in- I think it's time to find some peace.
So, here I pledge to myself to find where I fit spiritually. I will research and begin the next step in my journey heading towards inner peace and spiritual salvation.
In the film, her character spends 4 months eating in Italy, then travels onto India to find inner peace and God, finally ending in Bali, where she finds love again.
I think that loosing Pip has meant that I've felt lost and unsure - ok, it probably goes way back before then, but maybe this is like the pivotal point in my journey now. I can see clearly the stage I'm in - eating! (I don't seem to be able to stop eating, all foods, especially those that are really bad for me!) So compared to the film, I'm at the Italy stage.
I want to find inner peace and become a more spiritual, contented person (India stage).
I believe in God, but I'm not sure where I fit in with everything else. I wish I could find a symbol to represent my spirituality, as although I wear a cross at the moment, it doesn't fully represent how I feel. Maybe I should be looking at exploring a range of faiths and see if anything fits how I feel. I like the thought of meditation, but lack the focus. I think this is where I need to start my own journey.
The way I see it, at the moment I am filling the void left by Pip with food. When I have finished I want to find myself again. In the film, they have a conversation about describing yourself as a word - not 'what you do' (so 'crafter' wouldn't work) I think at the moment 2 words sum me up, 'lost' and 'searching'. I don't want to keep going on through the rest of my life always up and down with depression and the madness that is the world we live in- I think it's time to find some peace.
So, here I pledge to myself to find where I fit spiritually. I will research and begin the next step in my journey heading towards inner peace and spiritual salvation.
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