Things once again, have not being going very well.
It seems like I take one step forwards and five back. Every time I start to feel better, or more in control something happens and I'm back where I started.
Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to climb up a spiral slide that is covered in grease; sometimes there is a rope to help me with my struggle upward, sometimes the rope is just out of reach and other times it disappears completely. Or that I have this invisible switch in my head that detonates when I'm starting to do better, so that I'm plunged back into the darkness and self-loathing of before.
I really want to get better. To stop relying on mum and hubby to do the majority of things around the house and for the kids. Then this veil of guilt I am suffocating under might finally start to lift.
I just don't know how I am going to make the changes needed to achieve my goal.
I'm so up and down t the moment, it's like being on a horrible roller coaster - I want to get off now!
I'm going to try and write more on my blog, as it really does help to clear my head.
I've also found a new site (thanks to a wonderful friend over at I'm a sparkly unicorn!) called Time to Change.
Time to Change is all about encouraging people to talk about and challenge mental health stigma and discrimination. So I have taken the pledge.
I have no problem in sharing the ups and downs of my journey with depression. I just hope that more people will do the same. The more we talk and share the better! The hopefully people will start to understand more and change their out-dated beliefs and prejudices.
If you're a fellow sufferer, or know someone who suffers from mental illness, here's a big hug from me!
|image from here|