Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Not had a good day :(

I suppose I've been doing so well lately, that this was bound to come along sooner or later :(
Little man has been a complete nightmare today - not doing anything he's asked to do, stroppy, tired but refusing to go to sleep, the list goes on!
Also had a bad day for feeling what's the point of trying anymore?
Have been poorly (which is probably the cause of all the negativity!) and have just got to the point where I am so sick of being unemployed. I'm so fed up with applying for endless jobs only to be told that they had 60+ applicants so I wasn't successful this time /  let me go to interview and I haven't got the experience they need - why interview me then!?!?!
It all is just starting to feel like a huge waste of time! No one seems to want me, little man is really p***ing me off and he's with me all the time at the moment! Am starting to loose my hope! Not worked now for over 4 months and I'm itching to get out and 'do' something - ANYTHING!!
I have no time to make my bags and cards as have little man, there just doesn't seem to be any release at the moment! Had lots of tears today, been a while so not happy about that either.
Maybe I've been trying to keep it all together for so long now, trying to remain positive, that there just isn't anymore left.
Well, in spite of all this, am only allowed today to feel sorry for myself - tomorrow is a new day. I'm starting psychology at last and hopefully they can start to sort me out!

Friday, 26 August 2011

A few little poems

It's been a strange week, but in a really good way! As I said before, I'm really starting to feel a little more like 'me' and that made me think and wonder about my darker times, earlier this year, when things really weren't good.
I started writing poems as an outlet to the madness in my head - some when I was well and some when I was really bad. Today I feel like sharing the ones when I was really bad, then starting to get better. These 3 poems were written at a stage where I was feeling suicidal and was clutching at anything that would stop me doing something stupid!( my family!) I just wanted to share, especially to those other unfortunates who have depression in whatever form - I know the bad, but from the fall the only way to go is back up again.
Let me know what you think:

The endless darkness.

You listen to me when I’m sad
And try to make things not so bad.
The pain just won’t go away
There’s nothing that anyone can say.
My tears fall silently in the night,
I pray that something might show the light.
I’m tired, I ache and my brain won’t stop,
It feels like I’m falling with no end to the drop.
Can anyone out there really know
How guilty I feel and how terribly low?
I feel like I’ve been ripped from inside
Of my spirit, my life, my purpose and pride.
There’s nothing left but an empty shell
In a spiralling darkness of personal hell.

Melissa Wise

My saviour.

I felt you in the distance
Send your support and love
To try and shield and protect me
Like a cold hand in a warm glove.

I felt you drawing nearer
When my hour of need was most
Stopping the worst from happening
Me draining from flesh to a ghost.

I felt you standing by my side
When the darkness was all around
Showing unconditional love
Those times I wish I had died.

I know that you’ll always be there
My loving, protective one
You’ll find me the light to show me the way
You’ll save me by showing just how much you care.

Melissa Wise


The light came shining from above,
An energizing gift, full of hope and of love.
The dazzling colours dancing around,
Like waves crashing over the dark, gloomy ground.
New feelings begin to flourish and grow
Happy thoughts breaking through endless sorrow.
A world of new possibilities are born,
A wealth of new feeling emerge with his dawn.
As if waking from some horrible dream,
Strength, belief and control start to gleam.
Like beacons of life beginning to grow,
Lighting the dark with a powerful glow.

Melissa Wise

 Next time I'll post some of my more 'light hearted' poems!!

Things are suddenly looking brighter!

I know this sounds weird as the weather outside is miserable, but it's like someone has shown me the path to take to the 'light' - moving away from the grey, worried, stressed world that I've been inhabiting since Easter.

I think the holiday did me the world of good. Having time to actually DO things, rather than flit around the house, kind of looking after little man and trying to do things like the bread baking, when I the energy!

All of a sudden, I'm no longer dreading going to interviews - I've actually had some now and they haven't been that bad : ) I have one later on today and I'm actually looking forward to it (how weird is that??) If they don't like me, then it's obviously not meant to be! It's like my fate vibe has been activated - what will be will be and all that!

I'm no longer really tired all the time - I mean compared to how I was a few weeks back. I'm finding more things to feel happy about and smiling a laughing much more like I used to :)

Mantra for today: you never know what might happen, so smile and make the most of it ;)

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Brilliant holiday

Have just got back from a brilliant holiday in Devon!
We went with all the family - my parents, hubby's parents, hubby's brother and his family and our friend C. We stayed at the Ashbury again (we've been going for years now!) so that all the men could spend the week playing golf and the ladies and kiddies could go to the sister hotel The Manor to do crafty things - I was in heaven!!
Little man and his cousin enjoyed the Fun House area (big soft play) as well as painting pottery and designing T-Shits, oh and crazy golf!

Here are some of the highlights : )

LM and dadda
learner driver coming through!!

little man and his first go at golf - looks more like a hockey player to me ;)

super hero S

having fun on the slide

we made a puzzle and were feeling proud ;)

i love my juicy

say 'cheese!'

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Been a great week!

What a busy week it's been!
I'm only going to mention the highlights, as have done so much!

Wednesday was brilliant - picnic at Snelsmore Common, which is somewhere I've never been, even though it's less than 20 minutes away!
It was gorgeous weather! We all sat and had our little picnic and little man and A's little boy played a nice game of kick the football and run after it (with help from K!)
A with M who is only 3 weeks from becomming a mummy!

K with the 2 boys :)

Then I have been majorly busy making bags for real clients!!
I made a huge beach bag for my mother-in-law
patch on one side

patch on the other side

Also had to alter the straps on the 'oranges and lemons' bag and sold it to a friend of my mums, who then also bought 3 of my cards! I have now started A's bag - finally!!
A very productive week all in all : )

Thursday, 11 August 2011

I'm so ANGRY! Not all unemployed are the same!

Really sorry for the need to rant, but there are so many critical people out there who just have NO idea what it is like to be unemployed!!!

I in no way condone the horrific acts of those looters and people causing disruptions across the country at the moment, but I am sick to death of people tarnishing us unemployed people with the
same brush - comments like 'stop lazing around and get a job' have really got on my last nerve!

Do all those happily employed people have any idea how hard it is to find a job at the moment???
No, of course not! It's not like we can just simply walk in to the job office and 'hey presto' one interview and you're hired!

I don't sit on my bum all day, playing video games or lazing in bed! I have a son to help look after, a small business I'm trying to set up, baking to do for the family and so many more other things to do!
On top of that, I have to trawl through web sites and newspapers to find employment - a soul destroying task! There are the jobs I'm not qualified to do, or I don't have the right experience. Then if I find something that I might be able to do, I am then up against 30-50 other people who also want the same job as me!

 No one asks to be unemployed and having to take financial help to pay the bills - I've already lost my house and had to move back in with my parents - I have no other option than benefits!

So before you sit there with your smug 'unemployed people are wastes of space, who I pay to look after' attitude, try thinking about how you would feel in the same situation!
Until you have walked in the shoes of an unemployed person, stop thinking you know everything and judge us all the same!