Thursday, 2 October 2014

I am now officially divorced.

When I think back over the last year, these were words that I thought I would be really happy to see in black and white, but that's not the case. I thought that I would be having a 'New Beginnings Party' with some of my friends, celebrating the end of one chapter and the start of a new one, but I haven't.
I have actually taken the news quite badly! Which has taken me completely by surprise!
But is it surprising that I am low and sad, when you think of the fact the The Ex was my first ever real boyfriend? That we had been friends since I was 9 years old and finally progressed to in a relationship when I reached 17. That after our 4 year engagement, (which started on my 18th birthday) we made it to 9 years of marriage - so a grand total of 14 years together! That he really hurt me when he left and started up a relationship with a friend of ours! That he didn't even wait to be divorced before he got engaged to his latest girlfriend!
Hmmm... when you look over the last year, I think I'm entitled to a few weeks of feeling like crap! I never really had many tears when he first left - I had 2 kids to look after (with a heap of help from my family) plus a massive crisis in my depression to get over at the same time. I guess I buried every feeling, put on my brave 'it's all ok' face and carried on.
Happily, it's not all doom and gloom, I genuinely have no ill will towards The Ex and am extremely happy for him! His family and I have recently mended our relationship and I am so touched that they will always see me as family, no matter what!
I guess I just feel a little lonely now. I would love to have a special someone to talk to. Someone to give me hugs and kisses and tell me that everything is going to be ok. Someone to go on dates with and have a bit of fun with! My new soul mate. I know that he is out there somewhere, but that I'm not quite ready for any of that yet.
I'm going to focus on getting me better (I'm already doing sooo much better than this time last year!) being the best mum and daughter I can be and finally continuing to help sort out our home - massive progress made already!
At least, I'll continue to do that, when I find where my 'get up and go, has got up and gone to' ;-)

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