Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Things are really hard at the moment

Depression has decided to bring itself back to the foreground again and has sent me sliding down that horrible spiral to the darkest bleakest pit of despair. Well, all I can say is ' Been there, done that, don't want to go that far again.'

I've been signed off work for the week in the hope that I can start to get myself back on track but everything just seems so 'big' at the moment.
I have managed to do some good things in the last few days -
shaving every inch of my body, so I no longer look like Frodo!! (as hubby calls me when I 'let myself go')
I made a card
I played with little man all morning today - but then I had to go to sleep in utter exhaustion for most of the afternoon.
I just don't understand, I really want to do things and have thoughts on what I might like to do each day, but when it comes to it, I lay on the sofa watching movies in my jammies and realise that another day has just slipped away, without me really noticing.
I know that I'm supposed to do things and not just flop in a blanket covered heap on the sofa, but I seem to have lost my 'get up and go'.
At least I managed to seek help asap this time, so it'll be a mini blip, but I have just had enough. I'm sick of how depression can take times that are starting to go OK and turn them totally tits up. I am fed up of feeling a burden to my family and having to rely on them time and time again when things get tough for me. I'm so tired of it all. I've had enough of fighting, as it seems to get harder each time.

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