I just finished watching the most amazingly inspiring film I have seen in absolutely ages 'eat prayer love' starring Julia Roberts. She is on a journey of self discovery following a divorce and I know that it sounds weird, but I kind of feel that I'm trying to do the same.
In the film, her character spends 4 months eating in Italy, then travels onto India to find inner peace and God, finally ending in Bali, where she finds love again.
I think that loosing Pip has meant that I've felt lost and unsure - ok, it probably goes way back before then, but maybe this is like the pivotal point in my journey now. I can see clearly the stage I'm in - eating! (I don't seem to be able to stop eating, all foods, especially those that are really bad for me!) So compared to the film, I'm at the Italy stage.
I want to find inner peace and become a more spiritual, contented person (India stage).
I believe in God, but I'm not sure where I fit in with everything else. I wish I could find a symbol to represent my spirituality, as although I wear a cross at the moment, it doesn't fully represent how I feel. Maybe I should be looking at exploring a range of faiths and see if anything fits how I feel. I like the thought of meditation, but lack the focus. I think this is where I need to start my own journey.
The way I see it, at the moment I am filling the void left by Pip with food. When I have finished I want to find myself again. In the film, they have a conversation about describing yourself as a word - not 'what you do' (so 'crafter' wouldn't work) I think at the moment 2 words sum me up, 'lost' and 'searching'. I don't want to keep going on through the rest of my life always up and down with depression and the madness that is the world we live in- I think it's time to find some peace.
So, here I pledge to myself to find where I fit spiritually. I will research and begin the next step in my journey heading towards inner peace and spiritual salvation.